Shepard's New Team
by L3tt3r5 4nd Numb3r5
Summary: Some story with the original RED mercenaries adding their bit of insanity to the somewhat sane galaxy of Mass Effect.  How will 9 homicidal maniacs stop a legion of genocidal robot ships?  Good question; I have no idea.
1. Meet the Team

**Done on a dare. Do not ask, as it is a long story. I'm gonna see how far I can go before I get bored.**

…Someplace classified…

The ground shook as BLU's bomb detonated, destroying a (not really) important RED goldmine that was really a front for a (not so) very important chemical weapons plant. The explosion could be felt for miles around, reverberating all the way to the large factory with the large words MANN in bold font written across the top. It was surrounded by a chain link fence with the sign 'Trespassers will be shot, survivors will be prosecuted' placed in various locations. At the top, on the roof was a large desk, and when I say desk I mean a pile of dead grizzly bears, with a mug of beer placed in front of a large man who was shirtless. The mug and the small placard with the name 'Saxton Hale, CEO', jiggled along the 'desk' from the explosion. The man growled and his mug returned to its place.

After a moment's thought, he snapped his fingers, and a small looking man ran up with a phone. He made a call with a large grin showing under his manly moustache. "Helen, you nicotine-laden sheila, I'm sure you-"his booming Australian voice was cut off by a throaty woman on the other side of the line.

"Yes, yes, I already saw Mr. Hale; it seems we will be doing much business in the future. Just make sure to keep producing those bombs." She replied in a dismissive tone.

"Of course my dear of course!" He laughed. "And about them mercs, I'm sure you'll want me to find some replacements for the dead ones?"

"No Mr. Hale, I already have the problem taken care of."

"Oh really?"

…Somewhere else that isn't close to the first place…

…that is also classified…

The large Russian looked disdainfully at the tank containing an exact clone of himself. He shook his head. "This is best job? This little baby is baby!" he shouted at the scientist next to him. He stood an imposing seven feet tall wearing a red shirt covered by a black leather vest. Yet despite his size or the more intimidating line of bullets around his chest, the scientist returned with an uncaring gaze.

"I'm sure he is sir, but with our current technology, it is the best we can do.", the lab coat replied nonchalantly. He wrote something else on his clipboard.

"Then you should throw him out! He is not fit to use gun!"

"He is exactly the same to all the others Heavy. And besides he was designed to be expendable." The man swept his hand across the warehouse, with a tank containing clones of the man called the Heavy filling every niche. The Heavy grunted his disapproval.

"Enough. I'm going. When do I get paid?"

"Through that door sir. Your employer would like to speak with you first beforehand however. Something about the contract."

"Contract? I thought paper was signed and done."  
>"Evidently not."<p>

Now this was disconcerting for the Heavy. The contract was a 120 page book detailing everything he was expected to uphold while under the employ of The Administrator. He was not allowed to use her real name. He had to spend a week giving copious amounts of samples, only for them to tell him they didn't want it. He had to work alongside eight other individuals who were…straining at best. He had to subject himself to extensive brainwork which left him with an unhealthy obsession to collect hats. It was making his head hurt trying to remember all the things he had to do. Was two billion dollars really worth this? He stopped himself right there. Of course it was! Two billion! Why was he thinking such madness? If he was able to, he'd punch his cowardly thoughts for this. He'd punch them so hard!

"Heavy! STAND TO ATTENTION!" snapped the Heavy out of his thoughts. Standing in front of him was a man that only came up to his chest, He was garbed in the same colored clothes as him, but he was wearing what looked like a handmade army coat with a couple of grenades lining a leather strap on his chest. Though a standard issue helmet covered his eyes, he still seemed to be able to see everyone around him perfectly. 'How?' was something the Heavy still wondered about during his off time.

The Heavy ignored the one known as the Soldier, and looked past him to see the other who had passed the rigorous screening process involving combat prowess, and collecting obscene amounts of urine. They were lined up according to their designations, and the Heavy remembered them all by their class designations, as was required by the contract: page 12, section 43a. Lined up was the scout, the pyro, the demo man, the engineer, the medic, the sniper, and the spy. All of which were NOT standing at attention, much as they were sitting, and enjoying the various snacks they had taken from the snack bar located on the right of the room. The Heavy's stomach growled, and pushed the boisterous soldier out of the way. Looking at the snack bar he was delighted to see a plate full of sandwiches, and took as many as he could carry and a few Blu brews to wash it all down. He took a seat between the demo man and the engineer. "So, why we being called for talk? Anyone know?" he asked between mouthfuls .

"Nope. Yer guess is as good as mine Heavy." The Engineer shrugged.

"Well I got something tae ask meself." The demo man replied. "Like why do all o' me copies are all missin their eye. Just don't be makin much sense."

The Heavy raised an eyebrow. That was odd. However his stomach came first and he munched on the sandwich thoughtfully. No sooner though had the grumbling soldier taken a seat then the televisions in front of them turn on. Helen, called the Administrator appeared glaring at them all. "Well gentlemen, I hope you are comfortable?" she said in a tone implying how she really didn't care.

"I got a question." The demoman said.  
>"That's good. I'm not interested." She replied with a sneer and lit the cigarette in her mouth. "I'm sure you are all wondering why you weren't given a bulle-your money and a boot out the door, seeing as all we wanted were templates for reusable mercenaries between RED and BLU yes?"<br>There was a general wave of nods and murmurs of agreement. "Well it seems that was the fault of bad wording. You see when we said 'until usefulness expires', we meant 'until you die'."

This got their attention.

"This is bull!"

"NO ONE HOLDS ME AND GETS AWAY WITH IT!"  
>"MRRPH GRRPH!"<p>

As was expected the nine men were all very angry. After all they just signed away their lives. Of course they'd be angry. Not that she cared. Helen smiled inwardly. The best way to deal with such a problem is make them think there wasn't a problem in the first place."Gentlemen please. I understand you are upset."

"Upset? I am downright fumin'!" the Engineer retorted.

Helen blew a puff at the camera before continuing. "Regardless whether you are angry, 'fumin' or 'downright pissed off', I'm afraid that is what the contract says. However I am a fair woman. I know we should have been fairer. Now I will see to it that it is rewritten to be a bit more flexible."

"That's better. The sooner I am away from this place the better." The one called the spy said. He would have added how much he disliked his teammates but being on the light said in a room full of armed men that may not have been a good idea. At least he could keep his appetite sated until then he conceded.

"So what you gonna do with your two bil?" the scout asked the pyro.

The pyro replied in his usual muffled speech that no one understood but the team. The scout noted that right before the pyro started talking his RED Harvest beer was full. Just as he finished answering it somehow emptied. He nodded to the pyro, all the while keeping an eye on the bottle.

"I'm gonna find the next battlefield, and the next one after that. The work of a patriot is never done." The soldier said with a serious look on his face.

"I'm gonna….gonna…gun…..bler….."The demoman slurred before he passed out. Knowing the demoman, no one really cared as this usually happened after a mission. They never even noticed until each and every single one of them followed suite. Just as the Heavy struggled to keep the last threads of his consciousness, the screens lit up once more.

"If you haven't already figured it out, everything was drugged. Oh but don't feel to bad. You really should look on the bright side. The benefits of working for us will ensure you a nice comfortable life for years and years. And years, and years, and oh well I'm sure you know what I mean." She laughed, as the world swirled around and the heavy closed his eyes.

…Some storage facility somewhere…that's classified…

Nine crates were carted into cold storage, the nine mercenaries placed on ice until required. The company had to pay 18 billion to hire these people, they were determined to get their money's worth and were not going to let something as annoying as dying deny them. And all the while the clones of the nine mercenaries fought their secret battles across the world for BLU and RED. And the people of Earth continued as they had for years and years.

...125 years pass…

Humanity achieved space travel, and a colony was established on Mars. RED took this opportunity to build a fortress to house the still living Redmond Mann in the red rock of Mount Olympus. BLU responds by trying to blow it up. Many, many times. And the war between RED and BLU continues.

The storage facility that housed those nine crates was discontinued, and its cargo moved to Martian caps where it was deemed 'a whole lot colder than if hell froze over times infinity'. The nine mercenaries remain in cold stasis, buried under piles of snow and frozen dinners.

…35 years pass…

The First Contact war is coming to a close. With the war between the Turians and the Alliance (with a lot of help from the mercenaries of BLU and RED) coming to a close, humanity takes its first steps into the larger galactic community. Mann Co takes advantage of this by learning all it can about Council military technology. They use their time honored strategy of walking into a manufacturing plant, punching the nearest employee in the face, and stealing a crate of finished product to reverse engineer. Mann Co takes the galactic economy by storm, and purchase a whole planet dedicated to marketing new products for Mann Co and related companies. This world is located on what many still call Vatar. But the current CEO of Mann Co, Seamus Hale, had it officially changed to Mann World, releasing a press statement that Vatar "…is a name for girls. I am not a girl sir." Mann World becomes the lead producer in weapons, war vehicles, and baby needs.

The war between RED and BLU escalate to everywhere, from within the Citadel, to the Terminus systems, to even the home worlds of the Council races. The nine mercenaries have been removed from their crates, and were moved once again to the newest seat of power of both RED and BLU: Mann World.

Commander Shepard enlists in the Alliance military to ensure people like him never have to experience the brutality of another Mindoir. He quickly goes up in ranks until he is placed under Captain Anderson.

…about 20-ish years pass…

The Eden Prime war is well over.

BLU experiences a sharp rise in profits as more demand for reconstruction is commissioned, while RED makes a killing off salvage and recovery. Captain Anderson becomes Councilor Anderson. Humanity continues to expand its influence. Turians steal one of Soverign's guns and reverse engineers the technology. Mann Co. steals their prototype by sneaking mercenaries to punch someone in the face then stealing all data on the project in the confusion.

Shepard's ship the _Normandy_ was attacked, and the blame is put on the geth. Shepard was not recovered and is considered KIA.

Shepard's body is recovered and has already gone the process of revival.

Record keepers for the nine mercenaries are getting a bit lazy and start forgetting to lock up their computers. Data about Team fortress gets leaked onto the extranet, where it gathers a cult following and is made into a war themed hat simulator for the omnitool. Only a few see the true value.

The Illusive Man of Cerberus has what resources not dedicated to bringing back Shepard focusing on finding recruits for the squad Shepard will need. He receives a dossier, with the words MANN CO. INTERGALACTIC emblazoned on the top. He reads through it and a smile slowly forms on his face.


	2. Meet the Team again

"Well commander, this is it." States a woman as she leaves the small ship. "Mann World. Ugly name, wouldn't you say Jacob?"

The one known as Jacob stepped out of the ship and took a view of the planet. It surprised him how much space was covered by the hab dome, but there was a depressing atmosphere to it all. He didn't say anything, merely nodded. It was hard to stay focused next to a woman wearing a black and which skin-tight bodysuit. It left little to Jacob's imagination.

Shepard was last to exit. "We're not here to take in the sights. The Illusive man wants us to pick up several people here. We need to get moving after this. We do not know if our other targets will stay on Omega."

"Got it commander." Jacob replied firmly and followed the commander up the road towards the imposing complex. The entire hab seemed dedicated to capitalism, with factories placed right next to residences, and behind all that, the management buildings. Standing like three giants, Reliable Excavation Demolition stood to the left, Builder's League United faced opposite. In the middle was and even larger structure, extending to the top, was Mann Co Intergalactic. A woman was standing alongside a taxi and gestured to Shepard. "Commander Shepard I presume?"

Commander Shepard nodded. The woman dusted her suit. "I'm Sarah Pauling IV. I've been instructed to escort you to RED- I mean Reliable Excavation Demolition."

"I got a couple of questions first."

Ms. Pauling stiffened and placed a hand behind her back. Then let it drop. "I'm sorry, but I don't know anything. If you come with me I will take to see Miss-", her omni-tool flared up. "Ms. Pauling has the guest arrived yet?" inquired a not so friendly voice.

"Yes ma'am, I'm bringing them now." Miss Pauling replied into her omni-tool.

"Time is money Ms. Paulings, please hurry things up."

"I'm sorry but I really should be bringing you along now."  
>"It's alright.", Commander Shepard dismissed. "I don't want you to get in any trouble on the account of me."<p>

"Okay…good." Ms. Paulings opened the door to the taxi and Shepard's group got in. Ms. Pauling sighed with relief as she tucked the very large, very powerful handgun further into its pocket, and got in. The cab lifted off and sped towards RED. Just as the cab disappeared from site, lights danced across a figure as a man removed his cloaking device. He wore a blue jumpsuit and a ski mask covering much of his face, a belt of various gadgets lining his Waist. He removed a silver case and pulled out a cigarette. As he lit it, he pressed a button inside the case "Spy to base camp. Spy to base camp."  
>"We hear ya spy." Replied a Brooklyn-esque accent.<p>

"The package has left. I have confirmed it's in a red ribbon. Repeat it has a red ribbon."

…RED infirmary…

His head was pounding, that much he was able to understand. It hurt too much to think of anything else. But he forced his eyes open. The large Russian man noticed how dim the lights were. Good, at least none of the usual blinding lights that usually happened after passing out. Those never helped a headache. He moved his head up a bit and looked around. He was in a bed, barely big enough for him, though his legs dangled off the bottom. There was an IV in his left arm, and one of those annoying beeping machines. Then it came as a slap in the face. These were very small machines! Not like the large devices he was used to. It was small, metallic, and showed various graphs in the forms of light dancing above a small glass orb. He looked beyond it and noticed his comrades were all in the same state as he. Each one was in a bed, hooked up to one of those freaky machines.

Heavy looked up at the ceiling. A fuzzy memory. Comrades all unconscious. Advanced medical equipment. He, and the rest of his team were not wearing those embarrassing nighties that always showed your butt no matter how tightly you fastened them. He could only come to one conclusion. They were abducted by aliens.

…RED lobby…

The first thing Shepard noticed was how…red everything was in the room. Then he noticed how everything looked like it was from 40 years ago. Archaic, but just as effective. And finally, there were no seats. Whoever they were speaking to intended to make it as uncomfortable as possible.

Miss Paulings stood next to a woman in her late fifties, early sixties, her legs crossed as she sat on a chair mean for someone much larger than her. She held a datapad, and was skimming it, then looked up as if just noticing the team who was standing there for the past 5 minutes. "Ah you are Commander Shepard." It was not a question.

"I am miss?"

The woman waved her hands dismissively. "Don't bother learning my name because after this meeting you will not see me again. Let's get down to business. A little more than a century ago, I'm sure you are aware we humans had barely even reached the moon."

"Yes?"

"And that during this time we we're too busy killing each other to even consider uniting as a single force."

"I've had basic education miss. I know my history."

"I'm sure." The woman said while taking a drag of her cigarette. "What I'm sure you do not know was that this company had been embroiled in a war with the company over there…" She pointed to the BLU building through the window. "…since that time. And while the nations were blaming each other for holding nuclear stockpiles and building walls, RED was building doomsday devices, and BLU would match them with equal force. Truthfully given at any time RED could have annihilated half the planet. Namely the side BLU was on. And vice versa. However to keep BLU in check, my ancestors" she emphasized the 'my' "would submit a dossier of mercenaries to RED who would try to disable BLU's capabilities. BLU would do the same, with files my great grandmother would submit to them."

"So she worked both sides." Miranda stated, giving the woman a disapproving glare.

She returned the glare with a look of pity. "My dear you have it backwards. Both worked for her." She smiled devilishly.

Miranda took a step back. "You mean she let to companies practically hold the planet at gunpoint and you let them?"

"Wouldn't you?" she replied. "Anyway, because the two companies kept killing off the people my ancestors found for them, one decided to find a way to find a replaceable source of manpower without the painstaking procedure of wading through all those half-baked wanna-bes who call themselves mercenaries. In the 1950's, my grandmother found a way. Miss Paulings."

Miss Paulings took the woman's datapad and handed it to Shepard. On it the words 'Team Fortress' filled the screen. He tapped it and a flood of information popped out. He read though the various files, his expression getting darker with each page.

"Cloning." Shepard said darkly. "You kept cloning the same people over and over."

"Cloning…"Jacob breathed. "Isn't that illegal?"

"In Council space, yes. It's why everyone," she raised her hands to gesture to the three companies RED, BLU, and Mann Co. "moved out here outside Council jurisdiction."

"But the point I'm reaching is that the process was long, and expensive. We found nine recruits who met our standards after a long process of elimination. Considering how much money was poured into the project, we did not want to have to hunt these people down again if we needed more clones or worse yet, find them when they were old and decrepit. So we had them put in stasis until we needed them. Oh don't give me that look, it may have been against their will but that was their contract. They were bonded to us for the rest of their lives. And thus RED has been using these endless well of clones for their battles. Almost immediately afterwards though, BLU got wind of the clones and commissioned the same plan for themselves. And thus the feud between RED and BLU was fought with an endless well of manpower. But seeing for the last hundred years all they've been doing was provide amusing ice sculptures and keeping vegetables cold, and after a very convincing argument from Cerberus, we decided to give custody of their contracts, and them to you Commander. I believe that a Reaper invasion, real or not, could hurt profits."

Shepard looked at the thing in human skin sitting across from him and scowled. Then he read further on the data pad.

"The first one on the list goes by the designation 'Scout'. We selected him for his flexibility and near endless well of stamina. Also he is the only person I know of capable of jumping in air. Effectively doing a…oh what's the word? Double Jump. Also he was the only one of the Scout candidates who survived the test."

"What did the test involve?" Miranda asked, already dreading the answer.

"Avoid getting shot." The woman replied in a calm manner, as if describing the weather. "The next one is designated the Soldier. He is an expert with a rocket launcher, though his military history is…minimal."

"It says he was kicked out of every armed branch at the time."

"Yes but after giving him a rocket launcher, along with the other twenty candidates, one of them a fireman of all people, he was the only survivor. Apparently he blew up everyone else before we even started the test."

"And you are giving us a madman? No thanks." Jacob sneered.

"Rest assured while he can be unstable, he will follow orders to the letter. He knows the chain of command, and he will not complain, so long as the order allows him to carry a weapon." Shepard scrolled further down. "The next class is simply called the Pyro. "

"Why is it all blank except for one sentence?"  
>"You mean 'He likes fire.'? That's because he does. It's best not to ask about his background. If you want to keep your sanity that is. The next person is called the Demo man. As his name explains, he is a demolitions expert. He knows everything there is to know about explosions. Give him a wall to blow up and a bomb, and he will know exactly where to put it for maximum damage. He is also very accurate with a grenade launcher. Expect any resistance pitted against him to be quickly neutralized."<p>

"He has an alcohol problem." Shepard noted.

"And it improves his aim. Moving on. The Heavy Weapons expert. Tall, Russian, once one of the best soldiers to come out of the Soviet Union. Until we hired him. "

"The profile really goes into detail about his size." Shepard said. "A little too far"

"Well our test for the Heavy candidacy was to fire a minigun. Despite all the movies out there, a man cannot fire on of those things from the hip without breaking something, a hip, and arm, a spine, a coccyx. Unless they are very big. The Heavy was the only man big enough to handle the custom rounds we used and only received minor bruises."

"Impressive. Does he have any social problems like the rest?" Jacob asked, half serious, half joking.

"Yes he has an intimate relationship with his gun. And if he challenges you to chess, let him win." Jacob winced. He had to ask.

The woman continued as if no interruption had happened. "Next, the Engineer, a genius with a wrench. His sentries can easily out match anything released to the public. And he is a very good shot with his shotgun anyway. And unlike the rest, he is smart enough to keep his personal problems out of his business."

Shepard nodded. He was the only sane person he saw so far on this list. Or even on this planet.

"Next is the Medic. A tad homicidal, but will keep you and your team on its feet through the worst."

"Tad homicidal?" Miranda asked. "That isn't something we want."

"Oh really, and I suppose you want a medic that will throw up the moment he sees someone shot?" Before Miranda could deliver a retort, the woman continued. "The Sniper. Australian, crack shot. May have a case of depression when he realizes he never managed to reconcile with his parents before they died. You should be prepared for this. And finally the Spy. French. A bit aloof, but his line of work has him working alone a lot. If he insults you, realize it isn't because he doesn't like you, it's because he doesn't like what you do."  
>"I've had enough of this. This whole thing is a waste of time." Shepard said. "We're leaving." He pointed to the woman in the chair. "You can keep your pack of crazies."<p>

"That's a shame Commander Shepard. They would have been very helpful in the next hour."

"Oh? Why's that?"

"Because I'd say BLU is planning an attack on RED in about..." An explosion rocked the building. Shepard ran to the window and looked down. He could see RED security outside getting beaten back by a large group of men dressed in blue gear. "Oh, they're a bit early." The woman remarked as she looked at her watch.

"Come on team, were leaving!" Shepard shouted as he pulled out his Shuriken Submachine gun. His team drew out their weapons and followed Shepard out the door.

"Good luck out there Shepard!" The woman called out as Miss Paulings handed her a mug of tea. "And if you run into the team, be sure to fill them in. I'm afraid they are still in the dark."

…Infirmary…

The Heavy had no luck in waking his comrades, but that boom certainly did the job for him. They all woke with a start. "What the-AGH! My head." The demo man exclaimed as he lay back in bed and waited for the swirling colors to disappear.

"Someone wanna explain what's going on?" The Scout shouted as he nursed his head.

"Aliens took us!" the Heavy shouted back.

"Was zat a joke? Because I did not find that amüsant." The Medic looked over his glasses at the Heavy.

"There is no other explanation! Look at stuff! There is so much lights it not funny!"

"Heavy's got a point. This stuff doesn't look like RED. Or BLU." Engineer said, prodding the device monitoring his vitals. "I don't recognize the design of any of these doodads. Way ahead of anything even I can build."

"Well maybe we're in the future. Maybe we just got like, put into cold storage and stuff." Scout offered. Heavy shook his head.

"If it was future then why do we not see people?"

As if to answer his question, klaxons blared and red lights started flashing in the infirmary. "Intruder alert. Intruder alert. Blu mercenaries have breached the front barricade. Repeat, Blu mercenaries have breached the first barricade."

Heavy looked back at his comrades. "Okay. We in future. But now we have new problem." He cracked his knuckles.

"Yeah, enemies in the base and we ain't got any weapons." Engineer nodded as he made for the exit. A small explosion and a series of screams filled the hallway outside. As the Engineer approached the door, he saw clones of the Heavy and Medic, but their outfits seemed to have a lot more body armor. And next to their bodies were a still cooling minigun with three barrels, and a medigun that looked a lot smaller than the one the Medic used to carry.

The Heavy picked up the minigun and gave the barrels a spin. "Now I have weapons. GET BEHIND ME DOCTOR! WE HAVE ENEMIES TO FIGHT!" he laughed. The Medic grew an evil grin as he strapped the medi-gun to his back.

"Ja. Time to show dese cheap puppen how far dey are from der originals!"

…RED Manufacturing wing, over watching bridge…

Shepard used his biotics to grab another one of the blue mercenaries and Jacob combined it with his to send the unfortunate man falling into the machinery below. Shepard didn't even stop as he unloaded his heat capacity into the last merc, a black Scottish man with an artificial eye. He screamed as the shards of metal tore into him and he teetered off the edge of the bridge.

"That last one had a striking resemblance to the demo man in the dossier commander." Miranda noted as she checked the ammo counter on her weapon. 2000 rounds left. Good, but she only had enough heat clips to fire 200 more. "It seems they have some very advanced cloning technology to be able to make the same clones for so long without any sort of degeneration in the genetic information."

"Well given what these people use, I'm honestly not very surprised." Shepard responded as he switched thermal clips. "DIE NEW RED BABIES!" came a loud shout from below. One of the blue heavy weapons men appeared below them and poured horrendous amounts of firepower into the squad. "Geez how many more of these did they bring?" Shepard sighed. His cover was wearing thin very quickly. Rather than wait to be exposed, he prepared to unleash a shockwave on the offending heavy, and risk getting several hundred rounds punched into him, when the man's laughter was replaced by cries of pain. The sound of gunfire continued but it no longer focused on their position. Shepard peeked over the crate he was using for cover and saw the Blue heavy was hiding behind cover himself. He turned his head to the source and saw another Heavy, but this one was red. In fact, when Shepard focused on him, he saw this heavy was in fact the very heavy that was on the dossier. The Heavy laughed as he tore through his opponent and continued on, with a medic tagging behind him deploying a beam of red. "There goes our mercs." Jacob said. The sound of gunfire continued to echo through the chamber.

"Well he's not ours till we reach him." Shepard replied. "After him." And Shepard's squad continued onwards. The next room revealed a staircase downward, which they promptly took. Shepard threw open the door, and retreated back inside as he noticed a blue dot crawling up his body. He ducked behind a wall before a sniper round nearly took his head off.

…Opposite end of the manufacturing floor…

The BLU sniper replaced the thermal clip in his Mantis. He was so close to taking out the target, if it wasn't for his twitchy arm. Which was odd. Normally he wasn't that terrible a shot. Something was off today. He resolved to get it cleared up after he killed the new RED team member. He barely noticed the sound of a cloak field deactivating behind him. By the time he registered what the sound was, he felt the cold knife digging into his back.

The Red spy retracted his butterfly knife and flicked his cigarette on the sniper's corpse. "Pathetic. I thought all zese years would have made zem at least a little more reactive."

…Back to the other side of the floor…

"Shepard, I think someone took out the sniper." Miranda called out to her commander.

Shepard looked around his cover and notice indeed the sniper was dead. Over the body was a man in a red suit like one he had seen in his history slates. The man took the rifle from the body and disappeared.

"I'm guessing that was the spy then?" Shepard asked rhetorically.

...Red Management 3rd Floor…

Sniper twitched as he saw the Red spy materialize in front of him. He reflexively pulled out his knife, then relaxed when the spy laughed. "What iz wrong? Expecting someone elze?"

"What'ya want Spai?" the Sniper groaned.

"Iz zat ze way to treat a man who worked zo hard to bring you a gift?" The spy lifted the Mantis for the sniper to see, whose eyes lit up behind his glasses.

"Gimmie dat!" he snatched the rifle out of the spy's fingers. "Like a child on Christmas Day." He grinned. "Don't shoot your eye out now!" he teased and disappeared again.

The sniper sneered at the spot he last saw the man and looked down the scope. It was so light but handled just as well as his old rifle. Through the scope he saw several BLU soldiers pinning down three people he did not recognize. Well they were BLU's enemies, so they were his friends. He sighted down the scope, and pulled the trigger.

…Red Management 1st floor…

A series of shots rang out, one after the other. Since the explosions had ceased, Shepard poked his head out from behind his now flimsy cover. The three mercs who were firing rockets at him were all dead, each one with a shot between the eyes. "That sniper'd give Garrus a run for his money" Shepard said to no one in particular. Miranda poked out from behind the reception desk, and peeked down the elevator shaft, making sure no one was hiding inside. Jakob came out from behind a pile of ruined furniture, covered in chair stuffing.

"We're almost to the terminal Commander." Miranda said. We –"she was cut off as a blur ran past her and shoved her down the elevator shaft. "You ain't goin' nowhere toots." The blue teenager grinned as he pulled out a shotgun and turned it on Jacob. He fired a shot which sent Jacob sprawling back into the ruined couch, and Shepard used his biotics to toss the small blue man outside. As he expected, the sniper took the shot and the scout didn't get up again. Jacob kicked himself out of the mess of wood and cotton. "Ah, if my shields were any lower, that would have taken something off. That scout doesn't play safe."

Shepard nodded. "And he's fast. The way he got between Miranda and me-" he mentally kicked himself, and ran to the elevator. "Miranda! Miranda, are you alright?"

…Red Management basement…

Miranda peered up the shaft. "I'm alright just keep going Commander. I'll catch up." She started off, maneuvering past the debris and destroyed architecture shaken by the explosions. The power down here was barely functioning and whole sections of the floor were dark. She readied her machine pistol and held it in front of her. She snapped in the direction of every noise, her nerves were frayed from the sheer insanity of it all. She had already killed the same man several times over but there didn't seem to be an end to them. And worse off if they were all based off the nine mercenaries, which meant there were others she simply did not see yet. Namely the spy. Or the engineer. Or-

"HUDDA HUDDA HAUMMMPH!" the muffled voice of someone sprang from behind her and she turned to see a man in a fire suit pointing a flame thrower at her. It was too close to take a shot without detonating the fuel canister, and she didn't have enough time to protect herself. A gout of flame spewed forth and it missed her by inches. Only when she heard a French man yelling "ZUT ALORS! JE SUIS SUR LE FEU!" did she actually notice that this pyro was not blue like all the others.

She turned to see a blue spy decloaking as the flames destroyed his suit, and pretty much everything else. "Thanks. You must be the pyro right? "

The pyro nodded vigourously. "HMMA!".

"Well that's nice." She said more nervously than she liked. "I'm sure you'd like an explanation as to what's going on yes?"

"Wmm. Aphhmm um mmmphmm mphrmm mrph-ph." the pyro replied, making even stranger gestures with his hands. Miranda blinked. Then smiled. "Okaaaaay…come with me Mr. Pyro. I'll just give you the brief run down as we go, but we need to hurry, the commander is waiting.

The pyro gave her a 'thumbs up' and ran ahead, spewing fire into all over each room and cackling as it ignited dozens of spies hidden in the dark corners. Miranda followed…at a distance.

…Red Taxi Service Station…

The station was a wreck. The only vehicles that were not destroyed were the ones the Blu team jealously guarded as escape vehicles when the raid was over. Shepard fought a bloody battle slowly forcing his way towards the center of the station, which was guarded by several heavies and an engineer.

Shepard used his biotics to throw a blue heavy into the burning wreckage of a destroyed cab. A whole team of the large men occupied the station and were pouring an insane amount of bullets into their position. Every time they eased up on Shepard, Jacob would try and get a shot in, while Shepard would do the same. This time however he was too slow and the sentry let loose a hail of metal shards, tearing through his shields, and flying through his armor. He hissed in pain as the wound cauterized from the superheated shot. The missle pods it fired after sent him flying.

"Commander!" Jacob jumped between the two piles of twisted metal towards Shepard. The commander was gritting his teeth and was looking quite pale. He pulled the wounded commander to a more fortified position, taking shots off to try and discourage the Blu team. Jacob examined the wound and grimaced as he saw it not only penetrated through his arm, but through muscle and bone as well. He searched his pockets for medigel, but found none. The Blu team renewed their efforts once they saw victory in their hands. Jacob couldn't even rise from cover from the sheer amount of firepower, and could only risk raising his arm to fire randomly aimed shots in the general direction of the enemy.

"Need help?" Jacob looked and saw several of the red mercenaries they came to pick up smiling at him.

"That's one hell of a job you put up there kid, but it's time for the professionals to take over." The soldier said as he hefted his looted ML-77 missle launcher. He jumped out and fired off a shot, only to duck back behind cover just as the cry of a heavy notified them he scored a direct hit. He grunted and coughed up blood. He looked down at his chest and noticed several new holes that shouldn't be there. "Jeez these newfangled sticks of yours hurt like crazy. Doc, work your magic."

The medic nodded and the beam he had given to the heavy was redirected on the soldier. Miraculously the holes in the Soldiers chest healed up as if nothing had happened. Jacob's eyes widened. "The commander! He needs help, use that. That. Medi-weapon whatever thing on him!" he pointed to the heavily sweating Commander Shepard.

"It's a medi-gun but close enough." The medic chuckled and turned it on Shepad. First the bones realigned. Then they closed,and the flesh reconnected itself around it. Then the skin grew back leaving only a hole in the armor showing where the Commander had been shot. "Amazing…" Commander Shepard said breathlessly.

"You haven't seen all I can do yet mein freund. Heavy, it is time to clear dis rabble!" he shouted and he switched the medigun back to the Heavy.

The large man laughed as he jumped from cover. Moments before the Blu projectiles made contact there was a blinding light. When vision returned, Jacob and Shepard saw the Heavy and Medic literally glowing as energy dissipated off of them. Bullets, missiles and all other projectiles simply bounced off the two as they steadily advanced closer and closer. "I'M COMING FOR YOU!" the Heavy declared as he opened fire.

The first to go was the sentry. Then the engineer that had manned it. The Heavy-medic pair advanced slowly and the demoman followed in from behind, lobbing bombs at the demoralized Blu team. Only one heavy remained, and when he realized his allies were dead, he dropped his weapon and ran. Only to fall as he gets tripped by an out held leg. The red scout climbs over the Blu heavy and swung his metal bat as hard as he could. "That fatso ain't getting up again. Uh no offense buddy."

"Taken none." The still glowing heavy replied. "Was that all? I was expecting more from copies. But then I remember: they are just copies! Fake little babies not meant for fighting!" he laughed as the demoman and soldier came up behind him.

"I personally reprimanded thirteen of my so called clones about how inferior they were. Then proceeded to give them a proper lesson of how to fight. By blowing them up." He grunted. "Pathetic workmanship."

"I gotta admit though. Me boyz know good taste." The demoman smiles as he hefted a bottle looted from one of the fallen Blu demomen. The soldier grunted in disdain.

Shepard gaped in awe at the display of violence that had just played out in front of him. He then snapped back to reality and walked up to the chatting mercs, who seemed entirely unfazed being surrounded by dozens of mutilated bodies. "Alright then, I guess you guys are Team Fortress right?"

The mercenaries suddenly realized who was with them and turned as one on Commander Shepard and Jacob. "Ja. That is name of team. What is it to little man?" the Heavy asked, gauging the oddly dressed man that barely came up to his chest.

"I'm Commander Shepard and I am here because I want you on my team." Commander Shepard replied unflinchingly. "I understand you are the best, and after seeing what you have done, I can see that information is well founded. It is exactly what this galaxy needs."

"Sorry buddy." the Soldier replied. "Even if we wanted to join Team Shepard, we can't. On the account we're trying to figure out where we are."

"You are on Mann World." Jacob answered.

"Mann Co. took over the world?"

"No, I mean Mann Co. bought out a planet!"

The soldier snapped his fingers. "Damn I was hoping it'd be easier to get some high ordnance explosives if that were the case. Okay... but then what happened to the Earth?"

"It's still there."

"Is America still in charge son?" The soldier asked with a grin on his face. Jacob rubbed the back of his head. This was one of those hard line patriots of his era. It was going to be hard to swallow someone telling him his beloved country was not number one anymore.

"Uh no, it is actually equal with the other nationas as part of the Human Alliance." The Soldier seemed to process that new information for a few minutes, not making a sound or move.

"Alliance? Then…you mean the hippies won?" The soldier practically shreiked. "NOOOOOO! I gotta go back! I need to return the earth to its natural order!" he shouted and made a start for the cab. Heavy held him in place. "Wait soldier, I not think our new friends done with the talking."

"Thank you." Shepard nodded to the Heavy. "We are an alliance now; out of necessity to represent our race as a single nation to the galactic community."

"So…you mean there is still fighting right? But with aliens?"

Shepard and Jacob exchanged glances. The Soldier seemed very volatile, but at the moment Shepard wasn't in a position to be picky. "Yes basically."

The Soldier shook himself out of the Heavy's grip and landed on his feet with an even broader grin on his face. "And if we join your team we get to blow aliens up right?"

"Among other things."

"HOT DAMN! Sign me up sir!" The soldier saluted.

"But what about contract? We cannot leave yet remember?" The heavy reminded everyone.

"Taken care of. They were transferred to me. You are officially under my command, and if you want, I'll let you go as soon as the Reaper threat is averted."

"Well I don't know what de hell a Reaper is, but this is as good a deal as we're getting'. I'm in." The demo man slurred, already drunk from downing an entire bottle of Mann Co. Whiskey.

"Best deal I hear so far." The Heavy extended his large hand. Shepard grasped it and shook. "Team Fortress now works for Team Shepard."

Shepard nodded. "Good. As soon as the rest of the team arrives, we'll head out."

"Where to first Commander?" the soldier shouted as he stood to attention.

"Debriefing on the _Normandy._" Shepard replied.

"The what now?"

"It's easier if you see it."

...Somewhere deep below Mann World…

The woman simply known as the Administrator watched as countless screens streamed the latest battle between RED and BLU. Lights danced across the room as she watched the scout blast a blue pyro away with his shotgun. She switched to another screen and saw the heavy shaking the hand of Commander Shepard. She pressed a button on her control panel and the face of Miss Paulings appeared. "Miss Paulings bring in that list of mercenaries I requested."

"Yes ma'am. May I ask why?"

The administrator smiled. "Why I never fully intended to relinquish Team Fortress. I want to monitor Shepard. If there threat is real, and he has dealt with it, I fully expect Team Fortress back."


	3. Meet the Archangel

…Onboard the _Normandy_…

Jacob and Miranda were with Shepard in the CIC. EDI had just relocated the nine new team members into the cargo bay where she was keeping them occupied with a basic history of what happened since they were frozen.

"Commander, you sure taking on nine crazy mercenaries onto this ship was the best course of action?" Jacob asked.

"They aren't insane Jacob." Miranda argued. She then looked down. "Well the Pyro probably is, but even he helped me. If it wasn't for him…her…it, I'd probably have a knife in my back."

"And you weren't with us. You didn't see what the rest of the team could do. They are just as homicidal as their profiles described. And worst of wall, they are still mercs. Who's to say they won't jump ship the moment someone gives them a better price?"

"They are from over a hundred years ago Jacob." Shepard looked up. "To them, this must be a huge shock. Space travel, eezo, mass effect fields, biotics, aliens. It's like they stumbled onto a whole new reality. They're being so amicable to us not because we hired them, but because we are human, and so far the sanest thing they have seen in the galaxy. Like it or not, they are on the team now. And against these Collectors, we will need every person willing fight them."

"If you say so Commander…" Jacob replied stiffly. He still did not like the notion of having mercenaries on the team, but Shepard had the final say. He stepped out of the CIC, along with Miranda.

Shepard was alone in the room, and he sighed. Jacob was right about one thing, they were an odd bunch. He just hoped they'd keep the guns pointed on the enemy…

"EDI. Those mercenaries we bought aboard, where are they now?"

The holographic image of the _Normandy's_ A.I materialized in front of him. "Still in the cargo hold sir. I have been answering all there questions and they have taken quite a fascination to me. In some odd way, I feel flattered."

Shepard nodded. "What have you told them?"

"Human history since 1964, biotics, mass effect fields, and various other important events that have occurred. They were very interested in the Turian-Human war, until I mentioned the Battle of Eden Prime. They seem to have quite a bit of respect for you now Commander. Especially the one called the Soldier."

"Do they know why I recruited them?"

"Yes Commander."

"Good. Tell them I want the soldier and sniper to come with me once we reach Omega. We're going to look for Archangel."

…Omega…

Shepard, Sniper, Soldier, and Jacob all went ashore and were greeted with a blast of stale, recycled air. The moment Shepard's team stepped out of the ship, the two RED mercenaries got their first glimpse of an alien. A Salarian was walking up to them rubbing his hands together. "Welcome to Omega! Yo-"

"AAAGH! TALKING FROG!" Soldier shouted as he hoisted his rocket launcher. The originally smiling Salarian screamed and ran as fast as he could. A Batarian was nonchalantly walking up, not caring about the large gun pointed at him. "Shepard. Aria wants to see you at Afterlife. And can you tell your friend to lower his toy?"

"Stand down Soldier." Shepard waved his hand.

"Sir yes sir!" The Soldier replied and stood to attention. The Sniper chuckled to himself.

Shepard turned back to the Batarian. "Sorry, he's a bit jittery."

"And it may just save his life, or end it quickly." The Batarian replied. "Who knows on Omega. Just be sure to keep an eye on him. There's plenty of folk who'd just put a bullet in his brain instead of running off. And if things do get bad, it'll pay to be on Aria's good side. What a surprise: another reason to get to Afterlife. Now." he said with finality and walked off.

"Just one rocket. Just one critical rocket in the right place…"

"No Soldier…no explosions unless we need them."

The Soldier looked dejected but holstered his rocket launcher anyway. Not much further down was a man in a patchwork of yellow body armor. Hearing footsteps he turned around, revealing his heavily scarred face. "You Shepard?" he asked.

Shepard nodded. "I'm Commander Shepard. You are Zaeed Massani?"

The man called Zaeed turned back to his original object of attention: a panting Batarian. "Yeah. That's me. I assume you know about the deal between me and Cerberus?"

"I thought it was all paid and done for."

Zaeed kicked the downed Batarian, illiciting a groan of pain. "Well good thing I asked. I got me a bit of a mercenary problem. Blue Suns that I need to take care of. I assume you can handle it?"

Shepard shrugged. "I'll be sure to go as soon as possible."

"Good!" Zaeed huffed as he bought his foot down on the Batarian's face. "Now if you'll excuse me, I got a bounty to turn in. Should be about ready to go by the time you finish up. See you later Shepard." He hoisted the alien over his should and trudged off.

"What a nice guy." Soldier smiled. Shepard shook his head. "Come on."

Omega, while the rest of the galaxy viewed it as a craphole, the mere fact it was a base in an asteroid dazzled the Team Fortress mercenaries. "Are those buildings upside down?" Sniper asked as he noticed apartment blocks dangling from the roof of the asteroid like stalactites.

"Yeah, but each room is barely bigger than a bathroom. Omega is a place where the desperate go. Don't expect much luxury while we're here." Shepard replied as he headed for Afterlife, the one building that was actually vibrating from the volume of the music it was blaring.

"Aggressively. Hey you." Droned the Elcor bouncer. It turned its head in Shepard's direction.

"Yes?"

"Frustration. Not you. The guy behind you." The Elcor replied. "The one in the soldier outfit."

The Soldier met the Elcor's stare. "What is it four legs?"

The Elcor slowly jiggled. "Genuinely amused. You nailed it down to the personality. Soldier's the best team fortress class all the way."

The Soldier was caught off guard by the odd turn of events and stuttered. "Erhm. Yes. Well that's how it is. To be the best, you gotta act like the best."

"Satisfied. That is so true. Keep on critting man. Question. You with the other human?" The large alien pointed its head at Shepard.

"Why yes. Aria is um…expecting us."

"Sympathetic. Then go right in. Bring your friends with you. Reasoning. The Sniper is okay too I guess."

"Er…cheers then." The Sniper tipped his hat to the Elcor, and Shepard's team filed inside as the Elcor kept its huge body between the impatient line and the entrance. Once inside the Sniper leaned over to Shepard. "The bloody hell was that all about. 'Soldier isthe best class'?"

"EDI didn't tell you yet. You guys were made into a game."

"A game? All that fighting that we were paid to do is a bloody game?"

"We didn't do any fighting though." The Soldier raised his hand.

"Well those clones are clones of us, so that counts as us fightin."

"Well yeah it's a game, so don't be too surprised if someone thinks you're just dressing up."

As they entered the dance club, they were temporarily blinked by the dancing lights, and the large plasma screens all synced to play blown up versions of the Asari dancers at the center stage. Loud music pulsed through the room, and humans and aliens mingled in large groups. Shepard moved his way through the crowd, alongside Jacob. The Soldier was already mesmerized by the music, and disappeared in the throng of drunken dancers. The Sniper, plugged his ears and grimaced and simply waited in a corner for his headache to stop. Shepard never even realized his team had separated until he reached Aria.

…Aria's Private Booth…

"…Archangel?" Aria scoffed. "You and every other merc want to find him. He piss you off too?"

"Just want him for a job." Shepard replied nonchalantly.

The Asari grinned. Her purple face paint made it look like a predatory smile in the flashing lights. "Well if you want him you'll have to get through every merc in Omega. Blue Suns, Eclipse, and Blood Pack are the ones you gotta look out for."

"Archangel pissed all of them off?" Shepard asked. He raised an eyebrow.

"Like you wouldn't believe. There's a recruiting office right below if you wanna free ride over."

"I think I might just do that." Shepard replied.

"Oh and Shepard…" Shepard turned to Aria. The Asari pointed to the stand above the club's bar, where several Asari were dancing…and the Soldier. "Don't forget your nutjob."

The Asari surrounding the bar stopped dancing and made room for the boisterous Soldier. "YOU BLUE FACED MAGGOTS WOULDN'T KNOW A PROPER BALL IF IT BLEW UP IN YOUR FACE! THIS IS PROPER SHAKING!" And he proceeded to do one of the most awkward dances, any sentient creature had ever performed. "YEAH! BEAT IT DOWN! DANCING THE NIGHT !" he screeched.

Aria grimaced. "Please get him out of here before I heave my guts."

Shepard sighed. _Why'd I bring him along again? _He trudged his way through the crowd giving the Soldier a wide berth, and he gripped the mercenary by his collar. "I got what we came for, stop making as ass out of yourself soldier."

"Sir yes sir!" The Soldier replied and immediately stood to attention…again. "Where to now commander sir?"

Shepard pointed towards the staircase to the Mercenary recruiting office. "Well from what I've found out, our man is in a tight bind. We'll need to apply some 'aggressive force' where's Sniper?"

"I'm here." Sniper replied, right behind Jacob. Jacob jumped. "Jeez! I thought that was something the spy did!"

The Sniper grinned. "Be your own worst enemy. That is the way of a professional."

…Blue Suns Recruiting Station…

"Next." the blue armored Batarian said in a monotone voice. He didn't even look up when the door opened, nor did he notice the flash of hostility that came from the Sniper and Soldier at the sight of a blue suited mercenary in front of them. Only when he heard the clicking of weapons did he look up. He smiled as he saw a team of far humans armed to the teeth. "Now you guys look like some hard hitters. Wanna make some money?" The collection of humans nodded.

"Good. First of all you're gonna need your own gear…got that covered." He said as he punched some data into the terminal in front of him. "And before you ask, no this does not make you a member of the Blue Suns, Eclipse, or Blood Pack; you cannot-"

"-Pick up our dead partners' pay, blah blah blah we know. What do you take us for? Amatuers?" The Soldier cut in and slammed his palm over the Batarian's terminal, which promptly dissipated as his hand came down. The Soldier stumbled as his hand landed on nothing and pulled him down to the floor. The Sniper chuckled as Shepard shook his head. The Batarian didn't even blink as he looked up at Shepard. "Well if you know everything, then go meet the driver outside and, try not to shoot yourselves."

"Can I get some details as to what's going on?" Shepard asked. The Batarian nodded.

"Yeah, basically Blue Suns, Eclipse and Blood Pack are all banding together to take out Archangel. He had a team, but we took care of them. Good thing too, he might have escaped if they were still alive. Each team will have their part in taking him out, believe me, we need all the help we can get for this son of a bitch. Freelancers will be filled in on what they'll do once the get there. Don't worry. Shouldn't be too hazardous."

"What'ya mean by 'shouldn't be'? I don't like walking blind into a place I know nothing about." The Sniper interjected.

"Everything is a hazard when Archangel is involved. But hey, he's outnumbered. And the more we have on our side, the easier it'll be. No worries."

"This whole thing smells porky. He ain't tellin' us everythin' about Archangel. Reckon we just gonna be bullet sponges."

Shepard smiled. "Don't worry Sniper, I'm fully aware of what we're running into." He turned to the Blue Suns merc, who paid no attention to the groaning Soldier gripping his face on the floor. "You said a driver's waiting to take us over?" The mercenary nodded. "Thanks."

Shepard made his way for the door when it opened. A teenager, just barely reaching adulthood strutted in with a pistol that looked ready to explode. "This the place to sign up?" he asked in an over eager tone.

"You ain't ready for this kinda work kid." The Soldier was suddenly on his feet and in the boy's face. He glared at the gun and snatched it out of his hand. Before the teen could even shout 'HEY!', the Soldier gave it a slap and watched as sparks flew out of the ejection compartment. "If I had seen you on the field of battle I wouldn't have shown you mercy just because you happened to have a crappy peashooter. I would have plastered you all over the galaxy anyway!" he tossed the smoking weapon back to the teenager and strode past him. The youth looked down dejectedly at the gun that was still spewing foul smelling smoke. Jacob eyed to the boy as he left, and sped up his pace until he was next to the Soldier.

"I thought you were just another damn merc. Guess I was wrong. That bluff oughta scare that kid straight."

"What bluff? There is no mercy on the battlefield." The Soldier looked away. "…and there is no honor in killing the weak…"

...Surrounded Apartment Block…

It was the perfect place for a last stand. Everyone knew it. A building with only a single, wide bridge to reach it made it the ideal fort, and Archangel was having a field day with the mercenaries howling for his blood. So much that the mercenaries established barricades whenever they made significant progress, and behind each barricade were mercenaries of various affiliations trying to give suppressing fire to the advancing freelancers.

The taxi landed and Shepard's team spilled out. "Hope you guys are as good as you look. Archangel has been tearing through you freelancers." As if to enunciate the point, a Vorcha's head exploded, the force of the shot carrying its remains not too far from Shepard's feet. "Good luck to ya." The driver said nervously and drove off before the doors even closed.

The Sniper kicked the Vocha's head so he could get a better look at the face. "Nice shot. Our little bugger's got quite an aim." He grinned. "Not as good as me mind ya." Another mercenary poked his head over the flimsy cover and jerked back as another round landed right between his eyes. The Sniper sniffed. "I'm still better…"

"Keep your heads down. Archangel doesn't know who we are; best we don't let him get a bead on us till we can meet him personally." Shepard's team complied and ran across each gap with their heads low. Every now and then a mercenary would receive a shot to the head and flop over. And each time it was between the eyes. _Almost like Garrus…_ Shepard thought. Momentarily he lapsed back into the old days when Garrus was part of his team. He pushed his nostalgia aside as an irate looking Salarian in yellow body armor pushed past him. "Out of the way freelancer, I swear I don't know why I bother with you clowns when we have mechs to do all the work."

"But Jaroth, the YMIR isn't fully up to specs." One of the Eclipse goons next to him.

The Salarian identified as Jaroth spun around and fixed the underling with a glare. At least it was supposed to be. To the Soldier it looked like he was about to sneeze. "Then why don't you help me find the tools!" he sneered. He glanced back at the Sniper and Soldier. "I don't know what you humans are thinking, but I doubt dressing up as the worst classes in 'TeeEff' are going to help you." He shook his head muttering about how confusing humans were.

"Does everyone and their aunt Regina know about us now?" The Sniper asked rhetorically. Shepard didn't pay attention.

"He said they have an YMIR mech. Might be worth our time sabotaging the thing." He opened the door Jaroth had just left and in the middle of two rows of LOKI mechs, was a deactivated YMIR. It towered above the human sized LOKI mechs, and sported a weapons array that would have made the Engineer green with envy. Shepard kicked open a panel in the robot's chest and started pressing a series of buttons on his omni-tool. Nodding with satisfaction, he closed the panel and dusted his hands. "There. Once it's active, the mech will shoot anyone too close. Namely the other mercs."

"Good thinking sir." The Soldier said smiling. "Make an enemy a friend. Er, make the enemies' gun your friend-gun-thing…" Shepard chuckled. These mercenaries didn't seem quite as crazy as their dossiers made them out to be. A shot rang out and the commander snapped out of his reverie. Archangel was still in trouble; and he still had a plan to carry out. He motioned his team to follow and they once again braved the 'trenches' as mercenaries exchanged gunfire with the lone gunman in the apartment. After two more 'passes' and going through two more angry mercenary leaders, Shepard was at the frontline. What surprised him, and Jacob, was that there was a gunship parked in a makeshift garage where a Blue Suns merc was making repairs to one of its wings. Shepard saw another opportunity to make his escape easier and made his way to the repairman. The Mercenary, who revealed himself to be another Batarian, noticed the four humans coming his way, and got up to meet them. He set down his welder, deactivated his arc visor, and was surprised when he noticed the two humans that didn't seem to be wearing any armor, but an odd assortment of clothing. Then it struck him where he saw it before and smiled. "Hey not bad designs guys. Hope you can shoot as well as those classes though. Honestly I woulda bought a Medic along for an übercharge. It would certainly catch Archangel with his pants down." He joked.

The Sniper tipped his hat down, not out of respect, but so no one would see his grimace. It was very unsettling that so many aliens knew what he thought for a long time was top secret material. Worse off they treated the whole thing as a joke. Granted all they knew was the game, but he still couldn't help but feel sickened by the lack of security his previous employer had. Shepard looked up and down the gunship and noted there were several parts of the armor that were dented from sniper rounds. Some even did some serious damage. "Archangel did this?" he pointed to one of the larger holes.

The Batarian nodded. "Yeah, that was his handiwork alright. If Tarak had been a little less gung ho about killing him, then he probably wouldn't have gotten the ship in such rough shape. And now I gotta get this thing back up and running by the time Tarak moves the Blue Suns in." Just as he finished talking there was a rise in the amount of shouting from the front. "Huh, and looks like you freelancers are gonna go in now. Heh. Archangel won't know what hit him. That infiltration team we got in will hopefully do their damn job. Hopefully you will too and keep Archangel busy. But with you charging means I gotta get back to work." And the Batarian turned to the interface terminal hooked up to the gunship. He was unaware that Shepard took the welder and performed a backstab that even the Spy would grudgingly acknowledge.

Several of the freelancers were making another charge. With no real order, they ran over the bridge as a rabble, shouting, firing their guns, and making a very pleasing target to both Archangel and Shepard's team behind them. "…and now we show our hand." Shepard said as he armed his submachine gun. The Soldier laughed as he withdrew his rocket launcher and fired off a shot before anyone could react. Several mercenaries who had bunched together suddenly were airborne. Jacob took advantage of the confusion and lifted several other mercenaries into the air which Shepard quickly took out with controlled bursts from his gun. While the rest of the team had been running for the building the Sniper was walking at a brisk pace, muttering to himself about shoddy showmanship and lack of finesse, even as shots flew all around him. He turned and saw the other mercenaries were climbing over the barricade. The Sniper pulled out his Mantis and in quick succession, put a round directly between the eyes of four mercenaries in four seconds. He smiled momentarily at his handiwork as the freelancers ducked behind the barricade once again.

"They're with Archangel!" one of the mercenaries shouted before being reduced to a pile of steaming offal.

"Well whaddya know. Looks like these dingbats CAN tell Shinola from that other stuff." The Soldier grinned as he stuffed another rocket in his weapon. No sooner did he finish than another mercenary rounded the corner. A fired and the hapless man joined his comrade getting smeared all over the floor. With the room clear Shepard signaled the squad to move forward. He ran up the flight of stairs and saw two other mercenaries trying to crack the door lock. They registered his presence too late as a wave of biotics sent them tumbling over the railing down to the second floor. Both tried to get to their feet but were met by a grinning Solider with his digging shovel out. "Good night ladies." He said as his shovel impacted with a loud clang.

With the door clear Shepard was surprised to find that Archangel unlocked it for him and allowed his team inside. The blue armored figure was sighting down its Mantis, not even noticing the team that just helped him. Shepard noticed the shape of the armor and new right off it was a Turian. But the size, the hue of the armor, it was very familiar. "Archangel?" he called out.

Archangel held up a digit, and then fired a shot. The mercenaries were confident with the Sniper no longer visible, that it was safe again. They ducked down as the tallest of them was blown back with a shot through his ear. Convinced he stalled them, the Turian known as Archangel turned to Shepard and removed its helmet. The Sniper and the Soldier thought it looked butt ugly. But Shepard was smiling. "Shepard. It's been a while." said Garrus Vakarian.


	4. Now loading: KOTH APARTMENT

**Eh, this one feels rushed. I suck at doing this sort of stuff…**

**Oh yeah, and I don't own Mass Effect or Team Fortress. If I did, I'd be off at Valve delaying Half Life 3**

"Garrus! Shepard exclaimed happily. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh you know, saving the poor here, stealing from the powerful there. I get by. He jerked a thumb at the Soldier and Sniper. "So mind telling me why your new team consists of weirdoes who like dressing up as TeeEff classes?" Garrus asked, pointing to The Soldier and Sniper.

"Hey these weirdoes just saved your even-weirder-ass!" The Soldier snarled. "Or cloaca or whatever you use to crap!" Garrus laughed.

"That's exactly what I imagined he would say if he ran into a real Turian."

"Uh Garrus?" Shepard tried to butt in.

"And is this costume authentic?" Garrus asked as he touched the Sniper's leather hat.

"Garrus…"  
>"You know Sniper was my favorite class. I used to play that during my off time back in C-Sec. It was against regulation but everyone knew it was a stupid rule." He told the Sniper enthusiastically.<p>

"Garrus."  
>"You wouldn't believe how many headshots I pulled off, it got to the point guys in my department thought I was aimbotting and everything!"<p>

"GARRUS!" Shepard shouted, the Turian turned towards Shepard. He then cleared his throat.

"Sorry Shepard, momentary lapse, shouldn't happen again. Though I'm still impressed with that handiwork. You look like the genuine Sniper."

"Maybe cause I am." The Sniper replied with a smirk. Garrus looked at him and laughed. "Ah good one! Shepard , you got a real team this time, sense of humor, and deadly precision."  
>"Erm Garrus, he wasn't joking."<br>Garrus merely sat there for a minute not saying anything. "Can you repeat that Shepard?"

Shepard relayed the summarized version of how he went to Mann World, how he recruited the Nine mercenaries, how they had been frozen for so long, all the while the Sniper had been keeping the heads of the collective mercenaries down, but shooting anyone that tried to get a bead on the Soldier, who at the time pulled his pants down and was waving his butt in their general direction.

When Shepard finished, Garrus was motionless for a few seconds. "Well now I feel bad about headshotting all those heavies..."

"Ah those sorry excuses for copies didn't deserve the air they were suckin' in." The Sniper replied as he fired another shot.

"So Garrus, how'd you end up in a place like this?" Shepard asked. Garrus looked away. "It's a long story." He replied slowly. A stray shot panged just over their heads. "Look when we get out of here, I'll tell you everything, deal?"

Shepard nodded. Sniper returned fire, and the offending soldier fell back lifeless. "So Shepard, what's the escape plan?"

Shepard and Garrus looked at each other. "Wait for a hole in their defenses and blast our way out."

Jacob eyed Shepard. "That's the plan Commander? I thought there'd be something a little less likely to see one of us killed."

"Sounds good to me." Soldier said.

"Of course it would…"Jacob sighed.

"Listen son, this is nothing compared to the Dustbowl Defense of '63. One of our tests involved us defending a RED launch site from waves of BLU toadies hired off the street. Lemme tell ya, BLU threw everything at us. Police, special operatives, wrestlers, clowns, vampire chicks, pirates, and I'm not sure what else. They pushed us all the way back to the very launchpad itself, but not before they paid with their blood. And that place was even more open than this. But we still held the line, we still beat em back. And we smeared the whole complex until it was all as red as RED." The Soldier chuckled. The Sniper smirked as he recalled fond memories.

The non-TF mercenaries were taken aback at how lighthearted the mercenaries treated wholesale slaughter. Garrus required first. "Well it's good you're on our team. You got a couple of winners here Shepard." He said as he made his way to the balcony outlook. He sighted down his scope. "Looks like Eclipse is on the move, mechs are scrambling all over the place. At least five scouts coming over." He handed the rifle over to Shepard. He looked down and saw several mechs walking slowly across the bridge. He pulled the trigger, and one exploded. "Well one less." He said.

"You sissified maggot scum have just signed your death warrants!" the Soldier Shouted as he fired off a rocket. It exploded inside a mech, the resulting shrapnel tearing two more to pieces. More mechs starting dropping from behind the barricade, intermingled with Eclipse mercenaries and the few surviving freelancers. Even with the concentrated fire of all five, several still made it across the bridge.

"COME ON JACKIE! WE GOT COMPANY DOWN BELOW!" the soldier shouted over the din, drunk on battle lust. He jumped down the balcony, landing on the couch and fired off a shot as he landed the resulting explosion sending freelancers flying in all directions. The Eclipse vanguard leading them survived only thanks to his shields, which had fizzled and died. He took aim at the soldier, and was thrown into the air by Jacob's biotics. The soldier nodded thanks, pulled out his shotgun, and blasted the defenseless mercenary. He didn't even wait for the body to drop as he pulled his rocket launcher back out firing at the diminishing line of attackers.

Garrus dropped enemies left and right. He sighted an Eclipse engineer in his scope, and was surprised when the Salarian was shot, but not with his gun.

"Fourteen."

Garrus looked up. "What?"  
>"That makes fourteen for me." The Sniper said, not even looking away from his scope. He pulled the trigger. "Sixteen."<p>

"Two in one shot?"

"Headshots count as two."

Garrus chuckled. "Now that's just cheating. It may work in game, but not out here."

"Doesn't change the fact I'm still beating ya."

"Oh yeah?" Garrus replied. He sighted down and put a shot in two more freelancers. "How bout now?"

"Keep talking, I'll keep scoring."

The last of the Eclipse mercenaries fell from a shot to the chest ("That was only one point!" shouted the sniper) at Jaroth's feet. "If you want something done…"he growled and he dropped the YMIR mech over the barricade. "Let's see how your friends deal with this Archangel!" he activated the mech, and smiled evilly. It turned into a look of horror as the mech turned around and opened fire on his own soldiers. "ARCHANGEL!" Jaroth shouted, as he entered the mech's kill codes. The YMIR deactivated, but not before wiping several of the Eclipse. Jaroth turned to run but was stopped by a shot to his cheek. The force dropped his shields and another one went in the back of his skull.

"I softened that one up for you…"Sniper huffed.

"But I still landed the shot." Garrus smiled.

The few surviving Eclipse were in disarray, but were put down by the combined biotics of Shepard and Jacob.

"Well that's one group down. And their leader Jaroth too. I've been chasing that little bastard for weeks. Good to know he's finally down."

"Chasing him? For what?" Shepard asked.

"Smuggling into the Citadel. Half the tainted eezo confiscated by C-SEC came from him."

"C-SEC?" The sniper asked as he opened his gun's heat sink. "You were a bobby for that big Citadel place?"

"That didn't translate over properly, but I think I understood what you said. Yeah, I was in C-SEC. It was too slow for me though, especially after getting picked up by Shepard. After a while, all the red tape was too much for me. Formally withdrew, picked up a gun, and came out here to do some real justice without all that annoying paperwork."

"Yeah, it shows. You put a lot of emotion in your shots. It'll throw off your aim." Sniper remarked. "Lad, merc life is very different."  
>"I'm not a mercenary." Garrus snapped. "I don't do this for money."<p>

"Then you're a mercenary for charity." The Sniper replied unemotionally

Before the argument could go any further, Shepard cut in. "Anyone else on your hit list?"

"There's the Blue Suns but I doubt they're gonna do anything, we gave them a serious black eye." Garrus said, referring to his late team. "So the real threat now would be the Blood Pack."

As if to support his claim, an explosion rocked the building right after he finished. "That must be them." Shepard said. "They must be underneath."

"Well…yes and no sir." The soldier's voice cracked over the intercom. "They are down here, but that explosion was me."

Shepard pinched the bridge of his nose. "And?"

"Well good news and bad news…those aliens that looks like Chewing gum with teeth?"

"Vorcha."  
>"Yes, the Dorks, they were trying to breach the basement down here, and on the good news is the Dorks are now really dead. Bad news is the Ugly turtle things behind them aren't."<p>

"Krogan."

"Sorry, Froggers." Another explosion was felt. "THIS IS MY GALAXY! YOU ARE NOT WELCOME IN MY GALAXY! That doesn't really come out good, but I don't give a crap!" The soldier shouted over the coms.

"I better get down there." Shepard said. Shots rang out as several Blood Pack were making a run on the bridge. "Damn…looks like we gotta split up. Sniper, keep Garrus covered." The Sniper tilted his hat in acknowledgement.

Shepard raced towards the basement as he felt another explosion ripple through the floor. The sight that greeted him was odd, to say it nicely. Vorcha body parts were strewn everywhere, one of the corridors had collapsed completely, and the soldier was walking at a leisurely pace, catching up with a Krogan that was desperately trying to crawl away. "We're not done yet Sally!" he growled as he pulled the whimpering alien by his damaged legs. It was then he noticed Commander Shepard and came to attention. "Sir! The alien things have breached our defenses but I am holding them back! I have sealed off two corridors already, one manually, the other I had to, uh…improvise." He pointed to the rubble blocking off one of three paths. "I was just mopping up resistance when you arrived!"

Shepard looked at the sheer amount of carnage before him and nodded, trying real hard to contain his disbelief. "Right, well that-that leaves one entry we still need to close. Back me up."

The Soldier saluted crisply. "Sir! Yes sir!" He noticed the Krogan was reaching for a shotgun and kicked the alien on its back. "We'll have to cut this short cream puff…" he said in a menacing tone as he pulled a grenade from his vest. He slugged the Krogan into what he was sure was his reproductive area, and the Krogan screamed. He pulled this pin of his grenade and tossed it into the open maw and ran after Shepard. The Commander, though not present, had a pretty clear image of what transpired in his mind, picturing the Krogan's head vaporizing as he head the 'THUMP' of detonation.

A dozen Vorcha bounded forth with a small group of Krogan in the back. Upon seeing Shepard the leader shouted. "Boss says he wants Archangel alive, so that means do whatever the hell ya want with everyone else. GO!"

The Vorcha gave a howl of glee as they ran forward, firing their weapons at the biotic. Shepard mustered his biotics and flung several of the aliens onto the ceiling, and bought them crashing back down to the floor. Between them, the Krogans' varren bounded towards him. A quick shot to a Vorcha's flamethrower disintegrated the dog like creatures, and the unfortunate Vorcha wielding the flamethrower. The Krogan roared in frustration and began a mad charge. Their momentum tore through crates, vehicles and surviving Vorcha, all intent on squishing this aggravating human. The trailing two Krogan skidded to a halt when the leader went up in an explosion.

"SCREAMIN EAGLES!" the Soldier shouted as he rode the explosion. Taking not-to precise aim, he fired his rocket launcher…and missed. However it detonated a freight vehicle, sending it careening into one of the surviving Krogan. The sole survivor was left in a daze, but resigned himself to his fate. He shouted his war cry and charged the humans. Shepard responded with a shotgun blast point blank to the face. "Soldier, the emergency shutters, seal em off now!"

The Soldier still managed to get in a salute, even as he landed gracefully on his rear. No time to reload, he pulled out his shovel and bought it crashing down on a Vorcha impeding his way. The Vorcha hissed in response, only to receive another faceful of shovel . "Take a hint and stay down you pink maggot!" he shouted as he grabbed the still living alien, and shoved his face right into the Shutter command console. With a hum, the shutter collapsed, and the Vorcha slid to the floor. "Shutter closed sir!"

Shepard kicked on of the Krogan over to look at its face. "Are any of these Garm?" he asked. Soldier shrugged. "They all look the same to me sir."

To answer him, a slight static filled his comlink. "Shepard, Garm's up here, and he's trying to get in, hurry back. He's got a lot of back up." A shot rang out in the background followed by the Sniper's laughter. "Yer heads are big as melons! There's no bleedin' challenge!"

Shepard nodded to Soldier and bounded out of the loading dock, back up the stairs, and threw himself behind a couch as a hail of fire greeted him. "Kill everyone else! BUT LEAVE ARCHANGEL TO ME!" the largest of the Krogan barked. He strode past his underlings and scaled the staircase, throwing up a biotic field as Jacob emptied his thermal clip. The metal shards deflected in every direction, one of which clipped the Sniper in his shoulder. The damage was minimal but the force from the traveling shot spun him to the floor.

Shepard did a quick peek over his cover, and did a quick calculation. Several Vorcha, two Krogan. He pulled out his shotgun and blasted the closest Vorcha. Before it could fall back, he grabbed it by the neck and used it to absorb the shots from his companions, using his biotics to throw them each at a time through the apartment's windows. The Krogan immediately switched tactics, and set their rifles to fire concussive rounds. Two shots impacted on Shepard and his shredded shield, and he fell onto his back. He lifted his submachine gun, but with the way the room spun, he could not get a decent shot off. He pulled the trigger, and his shot went wide. VERY wide. His next shot grazed a Krogan shoulder plate, and the next by sheer luck, pierced the shields of a Krogan right between its eyes. Its legs buckled after a moment as its brain registered it was supposed to be dead, and his companion gave a roar of rage and charged the still dazed commander. Jacob left the cover of his perch just long enough to deploy a biotic field that sent the raging alien floating into the air. A shot from Garrus ended its confused shouting.

The door blocking Garm's access to his quarry finally opened as his next charged blew them to the sides. The next thing that happened left all but Garrus in a daze. "Head's up!" the Sniper shouted and threw an object into the air. Garm threw up a shield to block it, only to have the 'grenade' shatter, splashing him with yellow liquid. "What the hell's this?" he shouted. His sniffed his hand, and recoiled. "This is-UGH! YOU DISGUSTING HUMANS! I AM GONNA-"

"Do absolutely nothing." The Soldier, acting disturbingly a lot like the Spy, aimed his shotgun at Garm's back. Garm spun around, resolving to crush the human as his shield dropped. Unfortunately, the shotgun's payload, combined with the effects of the 'Jarate', decimated his shields, and blew fist sized holes into his gut. Garm's body flew into a bunk bed, and did not rise. Jacob's face twisted into an expression of disgust, relief, and extreme confusion. "Alright, what the hell was that?"

"The Jarate effect…" Garrus whispered. He turned to the Sniper, wonder in his eyes. "But I always wondered, how do you do mini-crits just by being covered in-"

"Trade secret lad." The Sniper interrupted as he tipped his hat down.

Shepard by this point had recovered and rushed to help his friends…only to see the battle already resolved. He holstered his submachine gun. "Do I even want to know how?"

Jacob shrugged. "Something about pee, and jars, and crits, and boom, and…" he waved his arms wildly then settled on the wreck where Garm lay. "That."

Garrus sighed in relief. "Well scratch two. I wanted to be the one who killed Garm. I almost did once you know…"

Shepard nodded. "That explains why it felt like he had a vendetta against you. So that should enough right? I'll radio the _Normandy_ for evac."  
>Garrus looked out the window at the vast expanse of Omega. "Yeah. And I'll be sure to tell you everything Shepard…everything…"<p>

"Joker, we thinned out the mercs, bring an evac in."

"Got it Commander" Joker, the_ Normandy's _pilot replied over the com.

He barely got to close the link as he heard a hum he thought he wouldn't hear. Turbines. A Gunship hovered just by the window of the apartment, its guns trained on everyone in the room, and lights blinding everyone. "YOU DIE HERE ARCHANGEL!" boomed the pilot's voice over the ship's speakers as it unleashed a deadly hail of fire into the apartment. Everyone fell flat on the ground to avoid it. Garrus was a tad too slow, and enough bullets tore through the Turian to drop him. Gasping for air, and chocking slightly on his own blood, he was all but helpless. His teammates were in no position to help either. Shepard could only pull Garrus away from the Gunship's arc of fire, just as it fired a missile into the room. During this distraction, Blue Suns Mercenaries rappelled in through the window on the far end of the room, laying down even more suppressive fire. One or two would fall from Jacob or the Sniper, but the Soldier could do nothing, the enemies too close for him to safely fire his rockets, too far for his shotgun to deal effective damage.

"_Normandy_, this is Shepard, abort evac, the zones too hot!"

"Too late Commander. It's already out." Joker replied surprisingly nonchalant . "Hey Commander, you know about the Medic's Ubercharge right?

"This isn't the time Joker!"  
>"Actually it kinda is. See the evac has-" Before Joker could finish, a hovercar crashed through the same windshield used by the Blue Suns, sending them flying in all directions. It opened up, revealing a dazed Engineer at the helm and a slightly shaken, but still determined looking Medic. "Who needz der healing?" he said.<p>

Not bothering to ask about the general insanity of the scene, he pointed to Garrus, by this point gurgling as blood flooded his lungs. The Medic pushed his glasses up and deployed his beam on the Turian. The wounds shut closed, blood that were in places they shouldn't be boiled away, tissue re-knit itself, and Garrus gasped in gulpfuls of sweet air.

"Let'z see how vell der charge vorks on alienz." The medic flipped a switch and Garrus shouted as he felt unfathomable amounts of power surging through him. He looked at his hands and saw how his entire body was glowing red. He gripped his fists shut and laughed. Still laughing, he grabbed his sniper rifle and strode out to face the gunship. Bullets ricocheted off of him as he bought the rifle up. "YOU DIE HERE TARAK!" he shouted and fired. The shot went straight into the gunship's cockpit, and the airship started reeling out of control before crashing into a wall. The burning wreck creaked and groaned, as its size eventually pulled the enormous vehicle into the pit below.

Garrus panted as the Ubercharged stopped. "I always wondered what that would feel like." He said between breaths.  
>Shepard pulled himself from the debris and walked up to Garrus. His smile slowly vanished as he turned to the medic. "He isn't fully healed, there's still scarring over his face."<p>

"Is it really that bad?" Garrus turned to Shepard. Shepard grinned. "Ah you should be fine, little face paint here or there…"

The Medic adjusted his glasses. "Ze medigun vas originally created for human Kommandant. I have never had der opportunity to use it on an alien before. So I have no idea how the…was ist der…Turian vould be affected. If anyting, it is better den I had feared, vorse den I hoped."

"What did you fear?"

"Zat he vould blow up."

Shepard threw his hands up in the air. Then slumped down in defeat. "Okay, that's good. That is good." He breathed deep. "But please explain why you were even in the car in the first place?"

"Well uh…funny story that boss." The Engineer began.

…Somewhere in Mann World…

The Administrator put out a cigarette as she adjusted her video feed's quality. The Engineer rubbing his head as he tried to explain the destroyed Cerberus craft became a crisp image, as was Jacob brushing dust out of his hair, and the Soldier searching the dead for trophies. She tapped her fingers over and over on her chair, deep in thought. The mercenaries were as effective as she had hoped. A bit destructive for her tastes though. They may put Shepard into jeopardy somewhere down the line, or worse themselves. RED had no need for damaged goods, and steps had to be taken to keep them from getting too out of control. She brushed the video to the side and bought up another window, showing her a potential solution…


	5. Now loading: TC Omega

5

…_Normandy_ CIC…

"They're a loose cannon Commander. I really think we oughta send em back!" Miranda shouted.

"You weren't there with us Miranda. They may have been crazy, but hell if the Engineer didn't show up when he did, we'd have been goners." Jacob retorted.

Once again Shepard was in the CIC with Jacob and Miranda for debriefing. The two had switched their viewpoints since last time. Miranda, who had at first supported the idea of having the Fortress crew on the team, now was against it. At least for the Engineer. Jacob's usual mistrust for mercenaries was laid to rest, and he was adamantly supporting their admittedly brash, but necessary action. Shepard was still between the two. His mind was already made up, but he'd let the two argue with each other for a while.

"He destroyed Cerberus property, caused millions of credits in damage, and drew unwanted attention to us! Remember, Aria is in control here in Omega, if she thinks were are overstaying our welcome, or worse trying to take over, she'll have half of Omega breaking down our door. Just one ship won't be enough against that Jacob."

"You're overreacting."

"The man flew a shuttle right into the side of a building. How can I overreact to something like that?"

Before Jacob could deliver a retort, the door flew open and a blue armored Turian strode in. "Overreact to what?"

Shepard took opportunity of the silence. "Garrus, your life was on the line on Omega. What do you think of Team Fortress's actions?"

Garrus rubbed the scarred are on his face, deep in thought. He then looked up. "Honestly, I'm still having trouble trying to get my mind around the concept the Team is more than just characters in a war themed hat simulator…they are insane, clearly have very little regard for collateral damage, but even so they saved my life. I owe them for that."

Shepard nodded. Garrus raised a digit to indicate he wasn't finished. "And the Ubercharge on me. Shepard have you ever been on the receiving end of those things? It was one of the greatest experiences in the word!"

"Well I think that settles it." Shepard said. "The Team stays. Yes they are a bit unhinged, but that just means a couple of extra explosions to get the job done."

Miranda made to protest, but simply nodded. "Very well commander." And she left, a bit hastily, out of the CIC. Jacob followed behind her. Alone, Garrus approached Shepard. "So seriously now Shepard, Cerberus? Granted the perks are nice but still. I really don't think we can trust them."

"That is why I'm glad to have you around. I want someone reliable to watch my back."  
>"I hope TeeEff will be with us two…otherwise we're good as dead." Garrus chuckled. Though he was half serious. If their skills matched their personality, they would make for a deadly enemy. "Anyway, it's good to see you again Shepard." And Garrus made to leave. He stopped himself. "Oh Shepard, I'm still not exactly clear. Why was the Engineer at the wheel of a car? I don't think he'd have the experience to drive one."<p>

"Well see we were hoping to recruit another individual from Omega. So we decided to split the team into two. We heard the Salarian Mordin would be behind a quarantined warzone, so we decided to bring a little more force than normal."

…Somewhere in Omega several hours ago…

Miranda was guiding the second team through Omega. The Engineer kept his head down, peeking every now and then at some surprising spectacles. The Medic seemed to have his attention in two places, as he followed the shapely woman, and read a data slate at the same time. Occasionally he would look up from his book "Turian finger insults: 3 Finger Translations for 5 Fingered People", to observe different alien species, making a mental note of the most obvious weak points, trying to remember the locations of various vital organs.

Above everyone a newscast blared "Several days ago, there was an attack on RED's main production plant. RED has accused BLU of the attack as several mercenaries in blue uniform. BLU has denied the accusation, releasing a press statement saying "RED is being a bunch of paranoid wingnuts." To which RED responded with a press statement of their own of "Well screw you." Shortly afterward there was an attack on BLU's main manufacturing plant. Seamus Hale had released a statement saying "This is obviously the work of some no good mercenary groups Blue Suns and Blood Pack. I will personally hunt down those dirt bags and make them regret ever landing on Mann's World!" Seamus Hale has been reported on preparing a hunting expedition to Tuchanka."

The Heavy wandered through the market stalls of Omega. Everything was on sale, various foods, ship parts, weapons, pets, bootleg TF2 copies, and more. The Heavy did a double take when he saw his likeness on a poster. "They got my bad side." He grumbled.

"Like the Heavy has a good side." The Salarian running the stand said. "Easiest class in Team Fortress. Just point and shoot. No skill at all." The alien at the time wasn't even lifting his head to see his 'customer', and was focused on his Omni-tool. "Rrrgh. Again, the stupid heavy killed me!" he grumbled. On his Omni-tool, the camera zoomed in to a RED heavy wearing a Krogan head plate and N7 body armor. In bold letters it said 'YOU HAVE BEEN KILLED BY 'Kom-andr Xepard''.

"Little prick wouldn't be so tough without his pocket medic." He said. "Kill the bastard and fatso goes down like all the rest." The Salarian made a switch in classes and picked the Spy. "How do you like this you bastard?" he laughed as he disguised himself. As the heavy passed by, he pulled out a dining fork and backstabbed the RED heavy.

"I don't like one bit leetle man." The large Russian growled. The Salarian finally looked up and jumped back a couple feet. Regaining his composure, he did the next logical thing: Run away screaming. The Medic rushed back and grabbed the Heavy. "Come on Heavy, we are supposed to be stayink together."

"Leetle frog man angered me."

"Well dere will be plenty of frog men to take it out on later. Now bitte, hurry up!"

The Heavy looked at his medic companion for a moment before nodding. The normally crowded streets parted easily for the giant human with an equally large gun strapped to his back. They found Shepard down an alley with an armed Turian blocking a door with flashing gel saying "QUARANTINE". As the two approached, Miranda pointed to them. "See? Like I said, I clean up messes. This sounds like one heck of a mess."

The Turian nodded. "Yeah, alright I'll bite. If you think you can patch up this mess, go right on ahead. The doc has it set up as kind of a sanctuary, if you need a place to rest, you should go there. Lemme just give ya the directions."  
>"Wait! What about me?" a human woman shouted at the Turian. The alien pointed to the Heavy and nonchalantly replied "You see that guy? You see that gun? Do you have anything like that anywhere? No? Then scram."<p>

"Thanks for the timely appearance. But before we go in, you have your barriers set up?" Miranda asked the team. Before deploying she had been very clear on giving each member an omni tool and shield generator. Getting shot with guns from 1960 was different from getting shot with guns today. As one, the three mercenaries raised their wrists and the gel that formed their tool interface formed around their hands. Miranda nodded as each tool chimed to signal everything was working as it should be. Miranda nodded and the four made their way past the Gel barricade.

…Omega Quarantine Zone…

The Medic sniffed the air as the smell of burning flesh hit his nostrils. "Ah, I remember this. Back vhen da Fatherland was at its weakest. No one could afford anyting mit der hyper-inflation. So many families had to live together as we could not even afford to live in individual homes. Not even food, never mind medicine to help the sick. So many in mein home…dead. We could do nothing for them, but burn der bodies. Prevent der sickness from spreading to ozzers."

Fires piled up over closed vents with numerous alien species were piled haphazardly on top of each other. The Heavy could feel his friend's discomfort and put a hand on his shoulder. "Come along now doktor. There is still other doktor to find." The Medic nodded, took one last look at the bonfires, and followed the rest of the group.

"Don't you come any closer!" shouted a bent over figure. It was a Batarian hunched over grabbing his stomach. With his free hand he had a pistol pointed right at the team. "Humans should have known. Come to gloat before you put me out of my misery? Well hurry up!" he tried to shout, but only managed to wheeze his words.

The Medic batted away the alien's gun casually. "You are a Batarian yes? Let's see if der prescription vorks on you." He readied his medigun and deployed it on the alien. The Batarian's coughing ceased and was surprised when its pain ceased. "I did not cure you, but zat should relieve der pain. At least until der overheal wears off. Now tell me, why do you blame us for your illz?"

The Batarian, realizing his situation was a lot better than he had imagined, nodded. "The plague…it infects nearly every species on Omega...except humans. Vorcha aren't smart enough to engineer a disease, so the only logical conclusion is that his was human engineered."

"Perhaps it is naturally occurring. After all, dere are plenty of illnesses that jump species."

The Batarian shook its head. "Not like this one. Infection is almost guaranteed. It's completely lethal; no natural sickness is that thorough. Sorry human, all fingers point to your race."

Medic looked pensive. "I think I know what to do about zis problem. If possible, you should make your vey to der doktor Mordin. He vill do more den relieve der pain." The Batarian smiled. "Yes, thank you human. I may live to see a brighter day."

Once they were out of earshot, Miranda walked up to the Medic. "Your dossier didn't make you out to be the merciful type…and yet you help a Batarian of all things." The Medic looked at her as if she just insulted his mother.

"I am first and foremost a doktor; und I vill be dammed if I let anyone die of disease! Not now, not ever again…" And Medic picked up his pace, keeping a clear distance between him and the Cerberus woman. He jumped back as a shot impacted not too far from his foot. "Ve have enemiez!" he shouted as he stepped back and deployed his healing beam on the advancing Heavy.

The Blue Suns mercenaries were on edge and were hiding behind a barricade of scavenged junk when the team had arrived. But even so, the layers of sheet metal were blasted away in seconds from the sheer force of the Heavy's gun. He cackled as the mercenaries, several Turians, were torn to pieces and the scant survivors running off in a panic. "That vas pathetic! Not even worth the effort!" the Heavy shouted. As he killed the motor on his rotating barrels, he heard gunfire in the distance. More fighting to be had. The Heavy smiled. "Good thing it not over yet…COME RED TEAM! WE HAVE ALIEN BABIES TO FIGHT!" and he ran towards the source with the medic in tow. Miranda readied her pistol and turned to the Engineer. "Are you coming or not?"

The Engineer, who until now was content hanging in the back of the group fiddling with his brand new omnitool, looked up and smiled. "No thank ya ma'am, I'm not much for a frontal assault."

"Suit yourself but don't expect me to babysit you." Miranda replied and followed the Heavy. Alone, the Engineer simply chuckled to himself. "Hey spah! You can come out now." The sound of a cloak field deactivating was heard as the Spy materialized in front of the Engineer. "You're getting better at zis." He grudgingly acknowledged.

"Yeah I know. I wanna test out my new toys so to speak, but I seem to have a conundrum. There's nothing for me to shoot see?"

"I will not be target practice."  
>The Engineer shook his head chuckling. "No, no nothing that gruesome. I need you to work you spai magic an' bring some o' those whatever the hecks-ya-calls-em to me." He pointed in the direction of the soon to be three sided gun battle. The Spy looked over with a smirk on his face. "Of course, Zis will also be an opportunity for me to zee how well my new disguises work…" And with that he vanished. The Engineer tipped his helmet down and started picking up the weapons from the fallen mercs. To no one in particular he declared "Sentry goin' up!"<p>

…Some Craphole in Omega…

The Blood Pack seized the opportunity of the plague to move into this district, which for so long was dominated by the Blue Suns. Though weakened, the Blue Suns were not about to lose their cash cow without a fight, and battles erupted all over this district. One particular was unfortunate enough to attract the attention of a certain pair of mercenaries…

One of the Vorcha screamed as a bolt imbedded itself in its head. His comrades didn't pay it any attention as they fired back at the offending sniper. The Blue Suns had just recovered from a Krogan charge, when they received news from the rear guard that another force had broken through. No sooner did the survivors relay their message did the Heavy reveal himself and mowed through everyone, Blood Pack, and Blue Sun alike.

Realizing a common enemy, both mercenaries refocused their efforts on the new force. Shots that impacted on the heavy were quickly healed thanks to the medic, using the Heavy's large size as cover for himself. Miranda used a balcony for what may have once been a diner to unleash a biotic hell on the mercenaries. When the medic shouted "I AM FULLY CHARGED!" the mercenaries, or at least the ones that had played tf2, ran away. Their confused and outraged comrades learned why seconds later as an Ubercharged Heavy redoubled his efforts, running to close range before unleashing another barrage from his weapon. The Heavy alone was bad enough, but the Ubercharge gave him a demonic appearance that filled the Blue Suns with fear, and they broke their line. The few surviving Blood Pack, two Vorcha and a Krogan, decided to go out in a blaze of glory and charge the Heavy. The Vorcha died almost instantly, but the Krogan managed to get too close, for the minigun to be effective. The Heavy knew this and threw the weapon aside. "Step away doktor!" he shouted and the charge field left his body. The Krogan shouted a war cry and crashed into the Heavy. The massive Russian growled as he pushed back with all his might. His boots skidded across the ground, slower and slower, until the charge lost its momentum. The Heavy didn't spare even a moment as he delivered a massive punch to the alien. The helmet visibly cracked under the impact, and its occupant was dazed. The Heavy grabbed the Krogan by its chest armor and threw it into a food kiosk, then grabbed its legs and swung it into an adjacent wall. He tossed the alien about like an oversized toy, despite the kicks and punches he would receive. With a shout reminiscent of an angry bear, the grabbed the Krogan's helmet and tore it off, straps tearing and locks breaking. The reptilian alien looked at his human opponent and shouted back defiantly before the Heavy battered its unprotected face with his fists. It took several minted, but the Krogan eventually stopped shouting and the Heavy stood triumphant, laughing despite his own injuries. "NEVER DID I FEEL SO ALIVE! DOKTOR! Ve must do dat again!"

The medic grimaced as he deployed his healing beam on the Heavy. He knew better than to argue at this point. Miranda holstered her weapon and jumped down onto an overturned bench. "Well done Heavy, I must say I have never seen anyone meet a Krogan charge head on like that before." The Heavy nodded vigorously as his bruises disappeared. "Da! I vould like to meet and kill more of dese Krogan! They are real fun!" Miranda eyed the Medic, who shrugged. "He says zat about everything after a fight. Give it a minute."

"Well that's all well and good, but I need to go retrieve Engineer, he doesn't seem the type to hold his own." She said. The Medic and Heavy looked at her, and then each other then laughed. "Ah you really don't know much about him do you? He can-ah vhy spoil der surprise?"

Miranda raised an eyebrow and set back off, confused as to what the pair meant.

…Some Other spot in Aforementioned Omega Craphole…

The Blue Suns were panicking as they heard the Heavy's shouting. Who the hell engineered a living Heavy? What was it doing on Omega? This was all like something out of a bad fiction slate. A Blue Suns mercenary, a Batarian was waving his arm, beckoning his fellows to follow him. They obligingly did. Anything to get away. They rounded a corner, then another, and another, and suddenly the Batarian disappeared. The mercenaries stopped, confused by the missing Batarian. None of them noticed the beep, or what it meant until the bullets started flying.

The Engineer sat on an oil barrel as he admired his handiwork. About the same size as the sentry he used all those years ago, this gun was capable of delivering several times more firepower, thanks to the compact size of weapons nowadays. It had a sleek look much like a large red metal egg with four metal legs to support it. When it detected the Blue Suns mercenaries, it opened itself up, revealing several rotating guns, and four small missile pods. It took only one volley and all but one mercenary was vaporized. The Batarian wandered in a daze, his helmet cracked, his armor torn, he didn't even see the other Batarian behind him raise a butterfly knife. The Spy removed his disguise and wrenched the knife out of the alien's back and cleaned the foul smelling blood off the blade. "You missed one." He said nonchalantly. "

"I see you didn't need help in any case…" Miranda said. She covered her nose to mask the smell of burning meat. She only then noticed the spy. "What the hell are you doing here? Shepard didn't tell you to come along!"

"He didn't say I couldn't come along mademoiselle." The Spy replied, putting on his usual smug charm. Miranda merely frowned.

"Well it's too late to tell you to go back. The way to the clinic is clear. Let's go."

The Engineer smiled as he pushed a button on his omnitool. The sentry got up from its prone position and followed Miranda, much to her discomfort. "I love the future" the Engineer chuckled.

…Omega Clinic…

For such a small clinic the place was packed. Understandably so, as it became something of a sanctuary for civilians caught in between a plague and a war. The guards were wary of the group, but seeing as how they had holstered their weapons, allowed them in with a very stern warning. The Medic took a quick scan of his surroundings and curled his lip in a snarl. "So much vork to be done. Few have much time. Der Turian over dere iz in the advanced stages of respiratory failure. That Batarian has lost function in one of its lungs already. You can tell by der way it triez to breathe. Ve must help dem." He said with grim determination. Approaching the secretary, he slammed a glove hand down. "Der doktor, vhere is he?"

The woman, who was clearly exhausted, pointed out the directions and the Medic thanked her. Miranda was surprised. From the records, the Medic was supposed to be a homicidally obsessed killing machine, and yet to see him so convicted to saving lives, ALIEN lives, was something…what was the word she was looking for…inspirational.

Doctor Mordin Solus was talking a mile a minute. He listed various compounds to his assistant who would present him with the next problem as soon as Solus found the solution to the previous. It was only after the Heavy walked in, making the room noticeable darker did he turn in the teams direction. "Hmm? New faces? Locals? Mercenaries? No, no, no. Outfits denote unhealthy obsession with Team Fortress. But scars denote professional killers. Yes. Who sent you? Aria? No, no interest in slums, perhaps local mercenary boss? No, local boss an ass, would not send outside help. Perhaps-"  
>"Easy up there doc afore ye get yerself an aneurism." The Engineer called out. He was sitting on his mobile sentry the entire time. Mordin stopped and eyed the machinery the human was sitting on. "Hmm, interesting device. Where did you get this from?"<p>

The Engineer smiled. He punched a few buttons on his omnitool and the sentry lowered to let him stand properly. "I built it sir. I am the one, and only Engineer of Team Fortress. A long story I bet yer thinkin' but-"this time it was Mordin's turn to interrupt.

"Actual Team Fortress frozen during the human Cold War era, moved several times. Was not aware of awakening. STG needs to update its profile on."

The Engineer was somewhat surprised that for once he didn't need to explain who he really was. "Well good, then I don't need to introduce y'all to us. Well except for the pretty lady here." He motioned to Miranda. "She works for our boss, one Commander Shepard? You mighta heard of him. He's rounding up some folks for a big mission."

"Mission? Shepard?" Mordin queried. "Was not aware Shepard still had Spectre status. Nor that Shepard was indeed alive. STG is getting very lax in its information gathering."

"Well I ain't surprised seeing as how Cerberus zapped him back from the Great Beyond and all." The doctor was silent.

"Commander Shepard? Team Fortress? Even recruiting aliens? Cerberus must be getting desperate. What is the mission for?"

"Kollectors." The Heavy rumbled. He was annoyed that he was for so long out of the conversation. Mordin looked up at the Heavy and nodded.  
>"Ah yes, that would certainly explain a lot. Collectors a possible candidate for engineering this plague. Only race with such technology to target so many specific races with a microbe." This time Miranda's interest was piqued.<p>

"Wait, you're saying the Collectors are responsible for this plague?" Mordin nodded.

"Process of elimination. Krogan, Batarian, Asari, all races on Omega except for humans and Vorcha affected. If humans were smart enough to create the plagues, then they would not have been so stupid as to leave their race in such a vulnerable position. Vorcha are too stupid to engineer anything. Collectors most likely candidate."

"Well good to know doc. All the more reason for you to join us. We're goin after the Collectors on the account they're takin whole colonies of us humans. Now you may not care much for us, or you may, it don't matter, we're asking fer yer expertise to help fight these bugs."

The Salarian made a quick glance at his assistant, and around his modest clinic. He shook his head. "No, no. Far too busy. Way too many patients. Plague still active. Need to get cure to ventilation system."

"You already made a cure?" Miranda was surprised.

"Yes quite simple in hindsight. Virus targets specific sequences in genetic code, causing an over secretion of this enzyme-"before he could go on about how his cure worked, the sounds of the Ventilation system grinding to a halt reverberated through the clinic. "Time is running short, need to reactivate vents. Need to get cure." He held up a tube.

The Heavy grabbed the tube before the Salarian could react. "We will bring cure. We will cure everyone. You work for us after." He said with finality. Mordin merely nodded. "Acceptable terms." He said.

"Come along doktor. Ve have babies to kill."

"Nein."  
>"Wat?"<p>

The Medic looked more grim than the Heavy had ever seen his friend. "The sick, I cannot abandon zem."  
>"Medic ya realize we're going to cure em all right? Helping us helps them."<p>

"Vat about der other victims? The burns, the gunshots, the lacerations, I saw all of dose in der waiting room. Dee patients did not get that from a bug!"

"But we need you Medic. Heavy will present a very pleasing target to anyone we meet. We'll need you to keep him alive." Miranda rebutted. The Medic glanced at her.

"Den have der Engineer put down a teleporter. I vill come as soon as I am finished here." The Engineer grinned. "Now there's using yer noodle." He said.

He moved to an empty patch in Mordin's office and bought up his omnitool. "Teleporter comin right up." He said. In moments, a pile of omnigel covered the floor and the Engineer's Omnitool changed its shape into a wrench. He started beating the goop with his gel wrench, oblivious to the looks he was getting. Finally Miranda spoke up. "Erm Engineer…have you lost your mind?"

"Give it a second ma'am." He replied. No sooner did he finish talking did the omnigel take shape. It formed the familiar teleporting device, and solidified faster with every whack of the Engineer's wrench. The Engineer backed away and admired his handiwork. "Meet Entrance. Give the word, and I'll introduce ya to her sister Exit."

"Fascinating…you built this on your own?" The Salarian asked. "Pardon. Didn't mean to insult. Just surprised by technological equality despite time gap."

The Engineer chuckled. "Well buddy, it's all thanks to this." He reached into his front pocket, and pulled out a perfectly round ball of gold like metal. "This here is pure Australium. Named after the Australians who were exposed to it for years. See this baby here, if you're exposed long enough, ye start getting real smart, start getting ideas about things. Real unconventional things and the like. But an added side effect though you start acting like an Australian. "

"A metal that changes ethnicity. Hard to believe." Mordin scoffed. "No metal in the galaxy has such properties."

"Why don't you hold on to this one for a while? I got plenty more." He tossed the ball of metal to the doctor. Mordin caught the ball and rolled it around his fingers. He snorted and placed it in his pocket. "Still doubtful, but we shall see."

The Heavy unholstered his minigun. "Da. Until Medic is ready, ve vill rely on dispenser. Be attentive little Engineer friend. I vill be relying on you."

"Ah doncha worry heavy, I got yer back. So does Spy."

"About time someone realized I was still here." The Spy said as he materialized in front of Miranda. She jumped back as the Spy turned to her. "Oh do not worry mon cher. I won't hurt you." He smiled.

The group left the clinic. The Heavy came out first, minigun ready, followed by Engineer atop his sentry, Miranda looking slightly red, and Spy with s bruise on his cheek.

…Several dead bodies later…

A rocket exploded dangerously close to Heavy. He cursed the range of this enemy. He cursed them so hard; he imagined they would be set on fire from all his cursing. But of course he was not a magician so no such igniting occurred. The Vorcha giggled as the big human thing cowered behind cover while they blasted away at it with their rockets. So determined were they to kill the big one that they failed to realize the smoky one scaling a pipe. Nor did they notice him coming up behind them. Even as he drove his knife into their backs, their tiny brains only barely registered that something was wrong.

With the wall clear, the Heavy left his cover and laid down a hail of fire on the advancing Blood Pack one floor below him. Even the normally fearless Krogan, were forced to take cover as the crazy human resumed his constant stream of fire. Their stationary positions made them easy pickings for Miranda, who used her warp biotics to bend the mercenaries' very molecular structure. Before they could recover, she hit them with a Pull, sending them into the air, helpless. The made them easy targets for the Engineer's sentry. A battle like several before it, ended quickly, with Heavy stroking his minigun lovingly. "I have decided on name for gun. I shall call her Victoria."

"Let's not get drunk on victory just yet." Miranda reminded the team. "We still have a vent to fix. You think you can understand the schematics Engineer?"  
>The Engineer gave a mock look of pain. "You insult me miss. What with this here omni-jelly, I can durn near fix anything. Don't matter none if I didn't see it before."<p>

Miranda nodded. "That's good. I guess. Well I hope you can work under pressure." She said as they glimpsed the ventilation system's main power supply. Vorcha were swarming over everything, taking their weapons and beating dents into every part that looked important to the complicated machine's function. One of them noticed the RED team and screeched. "AHH! Stupid flesh things! You work for GAAAH!" it was cut off as the Heavy unleashed a payload of bullets.

"STUPID BUBBLEGUM BABY ALIENS NEED TO SHUT UP AND FIGHT!" he declared.

The Spy was already in action, cloaking himself as he weaved around the aliens focused on the Heavy. He uncloaked and pulled out his gun, the Mann Co. MannSlayer 5000('Guaranteed to kill man sized things or I'll send you a personal sorry note'-Seamus Hale) and pulled the trigger. It had the comfortably familiar kick he remembered from his old revolvers and was pleased to note it lived up to its effectiveness. Vorcha shot by it did not get back up. Most sensible sentient creatures of the galaxy would have realized they were being attacked from both sides, but Vorcha are not the smartest things in creation. They never questioned why they heard screams from behind them or the snorting human like laughter that occasionally followed.  
>The Engineer was applying omnigel to his dispenser, which he had deployed right behind the Heavy's massive frame. It was dispensing a steady stream of medigel to the Heavy, as his large body made him quite a bullet sponge. "Miranda! Rockets on the roof!" Engineer shouted.<p>

Miranda acknowledged and deployed a warp field around the rocket wielding Vorcha. The resulting pain made them impulsively pulled the triggers and their rockets exploded into their allies. The Heavy, though he was getting healed as quickly as he was shot, was starting to feel the effects of several pounds of superheated metal violently punching holes in him. "Engineer! Get the doktor! I'm feeling the nausea!"  
>"Alrighty." Engineer acknowledged as he fiddled with his omnitool. A puddle of gel splattered at his feet, and he promptly started whacking it with his gel wrench.<p>

While the Vorcha are not the smartest creatures, they can still think with some degree of logic. Realizing that targeting the big thing was not working; they decided to refocus their efforts on the smaller things. And it was surprisingly effective. Vorcha pyros spewed fire in every direction. The Spy was forced to go on the defensive, ducking and weaving around gouts of fire, and Miranda was pinned by the sudden increase of fire focused on her position.

"Exit's set up; Miranda call the doc so we can wrap this up." The Engineer stated calmly. He fiddled a little longer with his omnitool. The sentry punched its legs into the metal floor and bought its weapons to bear. The Vorcha were no longer equipped to deal with this counterattack and they found themselves slowly pushed back. A few rallied behind the louder of their bunch, but it would do no good as the flash of light, and the tinge of ozone filled the air as the Medic suddenly appeared. Without needing prompt, he deployed his medigun's beam on the Heavy, who sighed in relief as his wounds were beginning to heal properly. Though there wasn't much other reason for him to be there. By the time the Heavy was fully recovered, the room littered with dead bodies.

"The Heavy snorted as he powered down the barrels of Victoria. "Now for curing time." He removed the tube from his belt and moved towards the system terminal. He scanned the control board and started pushing buttons at random. When it did not make an entry point for the cure immediately available he started pounding it in frustration.  
>"Heavy, why don't you let me handle this before you do more damage than the Vorcha?" Miranda offered. The Heavy looked down at her, then back to the tube and reluctantly handed it to her. With a few keystrokes the system was operational again and the cure was being pumped into the air. "Mission done. We now get other doktor yes?" the Heavy asked Miranda. She nodded.<p>

"After all this, he shouldn't have much reason to refuse us."

Just then the com crackled to life. "This is Joker to Beta Squad. Shepard has found Archangel but they are pinned down. He needs reinforcements."

Miranda's omnitool was flooded with information. "Alright squad change of plans. We need to get to Shepard before getting Doctor Mordin. Backtrack double time!"

"Given the current scenario, you will not reach Shepard in time. I suggest a more direct route." EDI chimed in. Miranda sighed.

"Right then, can you find us an alternate route EDI?"  
>"I believe the Engineer has already found one." On cue, the whine of an aircar lifting off was heard. Miranda looked up to see an aircar painted with Blood Pack colors taking off, and veering to the side, crashing through a window. "Given the current route, the Engineer and Medic are on course to Shepard now. Correction, their route has a fifty percent chance of crashing into oncoming traffic, as the Engineer apparently does not realize he is in the wrong lane."<p>

"Oh that idiot! " Miranda tore out her com and threw it on the ground.

…Present time onboard the _Normandy_…

"Seems a bit farfetched Shepard." Garrus shook his head.

"Want to see?" he asked. He led Garrus to the science wing and the door flew open revealing the Salarian doctor well set into his quarter. He was typing on his console with one hand while holding a mug of beer in the other. "Doctor? Got a moment?" The Salarian waved his free hand as he took a sip from his mug.

"Not now. Not now. Busy with a conundrum. I have a sudden urge, a need if you will, to grow a moustache. Unfortunate lack of hair follicles makes that difficult. Searching for a means of bypassing this." Solus replied. He shook his mug and sighed. "Out of beer again. Shepard, do you have any alcohol on board? Preferably one made from fermented grain?"

Garrus gaped at the changed scientist. Though it wasn't much, he was noticeably more muscled than most Salarians were, and the sleeves of his suit were ripped in some areas. He turned to Shepard. "Um...does he realize the…?" Shepard shook his head.

"We tried telling him but he still doesn't believe it." Shepard smiled.


	6. Now loading: CP KORLUS

6

"Arriving near Korlus Commander, ETA in twenty minutes. May I ask why we're here? Pardon me for saying, but an interplanetary junk yard doesn't seem like the best recruitment spot" Joker asked.

Shepard was pensive for a moment. "Dossier says we're to recruit a Krogan warlord. And with Wrex off in Tuchanka, were going to need someone else to replace his strength."

"Great, just what we need. A rampaging, angry giant, and now the we'll get a Krogan on board. I'm sure the Heavy won't do anything crazy."

"The Heavy has shown nothing but restraint onboard Joker, you can stop worrying about him smashing your precious baby."

"Ouch Commander…ouch." Shepard smiled as he pressed the cargo bay icon in the elevator.

…_Normandy _Cargo Bay…

"Let him win. Yeah right." Zaeed grunted in disbelief.

He was told to go easy on the Heavy during the chess game, or risk getting snapped in to by the behemoth of a man; and so he did. Only problem was the Heavy was no amateur. His opening move had already put Zaeed on the defensive, and the yellow armored mercenary was totally outmatched on the board. The Heavy sat opposite of him, a face like granite. He made no show of emotion, or any sign that he was even alive aside from the occasional breathing. Zaeed made his move. Almost instantly the Heavy countered. "The Check is Mate." He said with finality. Zaeed threw over the board and trudged off cursing in every language he knew.

Right at that time, Shepard entered the Cargo Bay and the Soldier barked "ATTEN-SHUN! COMMANDING OFFICER ON DECK!"

Shepard sighed. "At ease Soldier. I just wanted to inform you that we'll soon be landing on Korlus. From what intel we have, were going in to retrieve a Krogan warlord, and he's keen to come with us. The problem is the mercenaries he currently works for are not so keen. To the point, I'm going to need a team that can do a lot of damage real fast to distract their main body while I and a couple others infiltrate from another angle.

Almost comically, everyone turned to the Demoman who had managed to purchase unholy quantities of whiskey while on Omega, and as a result was nursing a hangover with a bucket on his head. He lifted the bucket momentarily and nodded. "Aye. Ah'm yer man fer that job."

"Korlus is a dangerous place mind you. There are few warzones on Earth that can compare to what most of the planet is like." Shepard warned. The Demoman waved a hand. "Ah said Ah'll handle it." His voice echoed from the bucket. Shepard shook his head. "As for my team…"

…Korlus…

The Blue Suns Mercenaries screamed as another explosion rocked the flimsy structure. Though they were using the skeleton of a cruiser that was built to withstand shots hitting with the force of a nuclear bomb, it was still old, and many spots had become aged and weakened. And this intruder knew every location. Another detonation and the whole metal wreck came crashing down. The Demoman laughed as he reloaded his grenade launcher, the Mann Co. Boom Chucker (Guaranteed to make large explosions on anything, even you!). He tried to remember what he was told about the communications network. He couldn't even remember it was called a communications network. He put two fingers to his ear and pressed what he thought was the right button. It was as Shepard's voice came clear as day.

"Demoman, that last one was a large explosion. Are you alright?"

The Demoman scoffed. "Aye, I'm doin fine. No need tae be getting yer heid all dussled up now." He swerved behind a large chunk of metal which may have once been a bathroom. "I just wanted tae tell ye that I think I got the whole lot of em riled up. I got a bunch o' the tubes shootin meh."

"Do you need backup? Going in alone is dangerous."

"I dun toldya! I got this bit all fine! Just call me when ye get the boggin' lizard!" He removed his fingers from his ear and peeked over his cover. Well over a score of mercenaries were bearing down on him. He smiled. "Oh, it's gonna be rainin blood t'day!" he shouted with glee and jumped out of cover emptying his gun into the crowd.

…Korlus: Shepard's team…

Another explosion echoed through the valley of junk. The enemies' com net was flooded with panic.  
>"It's the BLACK SCOTTISH CYCLOPS!"<p>

"The what?"  
>"THE BLOOD! THE BLOOD! THERE'S SO MUCH OF IT!" <p>

"Silence! Jedohra will stand for no more of this foolishness! It is one man. And no man, no matter how intimidating or ruthless or efficient, is enough to stop an entire army! Get back in there and kill him!"

"THE KROGAN ARE LOOSE! THE KROGAN ARE LOOAGUH!"

That last one caught Shepard's attention. "Krogan? As in plural?" Garrus asked. "I thought we were here for just one."

"We'll find out more when we find our warlord." Shepard replied. He checked his omnitool and determined the closest route towards their target's signal. He made the signal to move forward and his team of Garrus, Mordin, and Miranda followed. Security was rather light as many were called away to deal with the Demoman and his destructive shenanigans. It was not very surprising that the Blue Suns would attempt to establish a base in a scrapyard, but their numbers were still much larger than most hideaways. Whatever they were trying to hide must have been valuable.

And explosion rocked the ground, and a support beam tumbled in front of them. Shepard took advantage of the super dense metal as a hail of shot rained on him not moments later. Several yellow armored Krogans were slowly making their way towards them. But they were behaving in a manner very unlike most Krogan. They were slow and deliberate. They did not seem to have the same bloodlust of other Krogan. Shepard mustered his biotics and threw one into the air. As gravity took hold of it again, its body crashed through the rusted floor. Another fell as Garrus placed a bullet in its helmet. The last one continued on, still as slow as ever, taking deliberate time to aim and fire. Suddenly the muscular Mordin was flying over cover. A brief flare of his omnitool and he sent a ball of superheated gel flying toward his enemy. The Krogan's armor melted and Mordin hurled his fist at its exposed face.

"MORDIN SOLUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUS!" the Salarian shouted as loud as he could, and the blow connected. A crunch could be heard even from Shepard's position as the body of the unfortunate Krogan flew through a hole in the roof and became a receding dot in the sky. Everyone was shocked. Even Mordin. "Surprising amount of strength, was not aware of own abilities."  
>"Um Doctor Solus? Perhaps it's that Australium the Engineer gave you?" Garrus asked. Mordin turned to the Turian and scoffed.<p>

"Preposterous. More likely have been seeing increased results in workout regimen."  
>"But you don't have one." Garrus replied.<p>

There was a brief silence between the two before another explosion shook the floor. The brown hair Mordin had glued to his upper lip jiggled and came off. "My moustache!" he gasped and desperately tried to reattach his precious wad of hair.

Shepard put a hand on Mordin's shoulder. "That'll have to wait. We need to find our Krogan."

"Before that crazy Scotsman blows him up with everything else." Miranda added in cynically. To enunciate her point, there was another explosion. The coms were flooded with traffic again.

"That nutjob blew down the barricade! The Krogan are everywhere!"

"A sword. The Demoguy is coming at me with a frikkin sword!"  
>"He's a Demoman you idiot!"<p>

"I don't care, he has A SWORD!"

"THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!"

'Oh God! Get away! Get away!"

Shepard shut off his tap into the enemy coms. As they were, he could get nothing useful out of them.

…Korlus: Demoman's Position…

He couldn't recall when he had such an easy time. These so called mercenaries were pansies! A bunch of sorry pansies! Look at how they ran from him. They tried to shoot back but their flimsy bullets pinged off his shields. Not the shield of metal and flimsy wood, but the one coming from his omnitool. That was probably the saving grace of the future. So much seemed backwards to the Demoman: weak mercenaries, such a poor selection of explosives, liquor with hard to pronounce names, and worst of all very few hats.  
>he found it really funny when he blew up their flimsy locks. Then the…what were they called…the Bogons? The Bogons started coming out and killing everyone for him. At that time he would have simply watched the show from afar while enjoying a bottle of whiskey. Only two problems: he was out of alcohol, and the Bogons seemed to run out of enemies to fight. They turned their attention to him.<p>

"You…are the one that let us in."  
>The Demoman primed his grenade launcher. "Aye."<p>

"Why? You are like the others. You smell like them."

"Correction" another said. "You smell of much stronger alcohol. And explosive compound. You do not have the stench of fear the others had."

The Demoman realized these bogons weren't here to fight him, which left him somewhat confused. He was commissioned to blow up everything with the implication that everyone would try to kill him. The fact these weren't was disturbing.

"Oi, what are ye blokes doin here anyway if ye ain't fightin?"  
>The bogons looked at each other. "We…wait." The Demoman stared at them blankly.<p>

"Ye wait for…" he held his hand out.

"We…do not know."

The Demoman sighed. "Well what's the point o' waitin if ye don't know what yer waitin' fer?"  
>The bogons looked at each other again. "We are not perfect."<br>"That didn't answer me question."  
>"It does not matter, we are not perfect. We were awakened early. From the glass mother. We were told we were not perfect."<br>The Demoman was not the smartest man. He has whole sections of his life that are blackouts from near lethal dose of alcohol. But given his more recent memories with a previous employer, he could put two and two together. "Yer clones. Clones or something."  
>The bogons looked at each other again before replying. "Clones. It does not matter. We-"<p>

"Are not perfect, watch me not care. Yer fresh from the tanks bein told ye were all rejects. That does nae mean ye should be sittin around waitin fer some git ta tell ye yer perfect. That'll get ye nowhere!"  
>The bogons continued to stare blankly at him.<p>

"Did ye get that?" he asked.

The bogons said nothing.

"Why ain't ye replyin?"

The bogons looked at each other AGAIN before replying. "We are watching you not care."

…Korlus: Data Processing Unit 1…

"Wait! Don't shoot!" the Asari begged. Shepard lowered his weapon when he realized who it was. However he kept his finger on the trigger.

"Rana. I let you got back on Virmire because I thought you would do something better with your life. It looks like I was wrong."  
>"No, no you misunderstand, Okeer is doing something good here! He's trying to help cure the genophage." Mordin visibly bristled. He stepped in front of Shepard with his weapon raised.<p>

"No. Genophage made for a reason. Krogan too unstable without it. Have seen methods used. Unethical." He spat. "Moustache hairs fall into mouth whenever open. Will need to fix when return to Normandy.

"Look, I really thought I was doing good. I only realized my mistakes when you showed up. That and Jedhora turning the project into another cloning operation to make herself a personal army. It's why I shut off all security feeds of you. She thinks it's some security force coming at her." A series of explosions sounded off in the distance. Rana started fidgeting nervously. "Look, can you let me go? Please? Before one of your explosions blow me up?"

Shepard sighed. "Go, Last chance, start running." The asari didn't need a second telling and ran as fast as her legs could carry her.  
>Mordin frowned as he adjusted his moustache. "Mistake. Should have killed her."<p>

"Is that you talking or your moustache?" Garrus teased. Mordin said nothing as he primed his submachine gun. Already the noise of boots against metal floor could be heard as dozens of mercenaries started massing near the entrance. Through the cracks in the wall, the team could see that the Blue Suns were prepping a breach behind the door, sticking explosives to the other side. Mordin was already in action. Prepping an 'Incinerate' on his omnitool, he pulled his tool arm back and with a "MORDING SOLLUUUS!" he slammed his fire primed fist through the metal door. The explosives were set off pre-emptively, sending shrapnel going into the Blue Suns. Several mercenaries were torn to shreds, the rest were left in a daze, easy prey to the rest of the team as a combination of biotics and tech attacks decimated their ranks. Over the intercom came the annoying voice of Jedhora.

"They are just a small team. A SMALL TEAM! YOU SHOULD NOT BE LOSING TO A SMALL TEAM! Stop them now or your pay is all forfeit!"

"Will somebody get her off her damn seat and come help us?" someone in the network said.  
>"We got a new problem! The Krogan are mobilizing. They aren't just doing mindless charges now, there's tactics being used! They're flanking us!" Shepard shut off his tap again.<p>

"No mention about the Demoman anymore." He noted. He tried to raise the mercenary. "Demoman, are you alright?" All he got in reply was a loud belch. Miranda grimaced. "Ugh, let's just focus on the assignment."  
>Shepard nodded. The sparse defense was testament to the Demoman's damage drawing away the mercenaries. The few that were left could barely be called a skeleton crew, and were easily removed. Shepard checked his omnitool for the target location. They were close.<p>

He hacked the door open and found their objective, the Krogan warlord Okeer. The Krogan seemed like he was waiting for them. As soon as they entered the Krogan turned to them with a smile on its face. "It's about time you arrived. I've been watching you and your explosive happy friend from here tear through everything. But now it is time to go. Let me finish up here and we will be ready." He turned to a computer console next to a tank containing something. Shepard noticed that underneath the murk of the fluids was a live Krogan. "What is this?"  
>Okeer chuckled. "The results of countless failures. A perfect Krogan, culled from countless recessive and defective genes existing in the Krogan ensuring only the best traits of our race distilled into one perfect soldier." Okeer seemed lost in his speech. His eyes glazed over and he continued, ignoring the others' attempts to get his attention. "Yes, to make him I needed the help of the Collectors. I had to give them many Krogan for their technology. But if it wasn't for them I wouldn't have created my perfect subject. A soldier that will do more than just overcome the genophage."<br>"Yes well-"  
>"You wonder what I am doing with the Blue Suns."<p>

"Not really we-"  
>"I had the technology. I had the ambition. What I lacked was the funding. Jedhora was more than willing to aid me, but all she wanted was an army of Krogan at her command. She did not have the vision I had. And now my time with her has come to an end. But I must preserve my soldier. This is my legacy, and it must survive, even if I don't.<p>

As if he foreshadowed it, the lab's ventilation stopped. "I have traced the Krogans' release. It was Okeer. Scrap the project, we will start over elsewhere!" The ventilation started up again. Only this time everyone's omnitool flared up, detecting the presence of toxic gases seeping into the room. Okeer shouted with rage. "That bitch will destroy all my work! Go deal with her! I must make sure my work stays safe. Go!" Okeer returned to his console. Knowing the Krogan would not budge, Shepard motioned for his team to move out. As soon as the left, they ran straight into a concentrated force of the Blue Sun. The mercenaries were just as surprised as Shepard's team was. It looked like they were about to be overrun by the Blue Suns when help came from the unlikeliest source.

A small army of Krogan came bowling over Blue Sun barricades, smashing aside mercenaries left and right. Laughing and burping, throwing explosives and chugging bottles of whiskey. A deafening war cry carried their charge: "I! AM! BOGOOOOOON!" sounding over even the explosions. One of the Krogan noticed Shepard. "You are the one the Great Cyclopean Leader spoke of. We ask that you rest while we take care of the great arse kicking."  
>"Great Cyclopean Leader? The Demoman sent you?"<br>The Krogan nodded. "We have purpose now because of him. They may have dismissed us as not perfect. But we will show these blockheads what the Bogons can do."

Shepard fought back the urge to laugh. "Really?"  
>"Yes. Now if you shall excuse me, there are plenty of we need to continue to spread the Cyclopean's Curse on these heathens." The 'Bogon' turned to a YMIR mech and tossed a grenade at it. "Send more of your toys block head! An the Leader spake: "I'll shove em all up yer arse!""<p>

Miranda scratched her head. "So the Demoman turned the Krogan clones into his personal cult slash army."  
>Garrus tilted his head. "Well it is preferable than to have them as enemies. But I still think this takes things a bit far. Um where is he anyway?"<p>

…Korlus: Jedhora Command…

Jedhora grunted in frustration. "I don't care how many I have to lose, I'll just start again. I will not be denied!" she sent a command and two more tanks opened up, will fully armored Krogan coming out. They gave half-hearted battle cries and moved towards the offending party. There was an odd sound filling the air. Like a man shouting from far away.

The Demoman took a swig from behind his cover, belched and then pulled a large bomb from his vest. He took aim and tossed it at the Krogan. The resulting explosion vaporized the two clones. The Demoman laughed "Ach, go ahead and bring more of yer lizards ya boot. I'll blow em all tae hell along with yer ugly arse!" The odd sound was gaining volume, slowly becoming louder.

"JEDHORA WILL PUNISH YOU DEARLY FOR THIS INSULT!" she screeched and activated the YMIR mech behind her turned its attention to the Demoman and it released a rocket. The Demoman merely jumped above it and rode the resulting explosion to a higher vantage. As he landed, he waved his butt at Jedhora, who only grew more frustrated. The noise was impossible to ignore now. It was audible enough to make out. "seamus haaAAAAAAAAAAAALE!"

Moving like a blur, a large Australian man with no shirt crashed through the open side of the lab, bowling over numerous tanks as he slowed down. Before anyone could react, the Australian threw off the tanks and closed the distance between itself and the YMIR mech. He threw a punch at it and the mech was torn in half. He spun and tapped Jedhora on the chin with enough force in his index finger to throw her to the floor. With no more Blue Suns present, Seamus Hale removed a folded piece of paper from his pocket. "Lessee here…done and done. That makes the third pocket o' Blue Suns I found ere." The CEO of Mann Co grunted. He them opened his omnitool and made a call. " Jeeves, bring down the shuttle. It's off to Mann World to resupply!" he declared loudly. It was finally then that he noticed the Demoman. "Oi, yer that bloke that was part of the original team fort yeah? Well I must say I been watching yer actions from orbit while Jeeves was fixing my hat." He pointed to his hat lined with Varren teeth. "Can't go anywhere without it. Anyway, let me say, while it is nowhere near as manly as me, it was still very manly to take down an entire mercenary force and Krogans by yourself! You deserve a Mann Co. Mannly Thumbs Up(trademark)!" Seamus Hale declared, including the trademark bit. He threw up his left arm and gave the Demoman a 'thumbs up' briefly before dropping it.

"Oh and another thing. Mind ya that smoky enchantress boss of yers won't be happy letting ya off the hook say easy mate. She's mobilizing her secret weapon to bring you back: the Tenth class."

The Demoman's interest was piqued. "What Tenth class. There was always nine of us!" but the Australian did not respond.

With a "SEAMUS HAAAAAAAAAAAALE!" The Australian man punched a hole in the wall and jumped out, leaving a somewhat stunned Demoman. "Some things don't change I guess." He rubbed his head as he emptied the last of his bottle.


	7. Now Loading: PL EDEN PRIME V2

**I dunno. Playing too much tf2 and not much anything else. Probably messed up somewhere.**

Ch 7

…Aboard the _Normandy_ Engineering Floor…

Everyone was relaxing the way they normally would while the _Normandy_ was in transit. Most notable was the Demoman who seemed much more drunk than usual. Perhaps it was because he was homesick, or that he could not bring his personal army of bogons with him, or maybe it was the fact they were called Krogan all along and no one told him. Regardless, he was extremely hammered. He stumbled through the engine room shocking Engineer Daniels, and Donnelly shook his head mumbling "Amateur".

The Demoman eventually found his way to the storage compartment for the stasis Krogan. He stumbled up to it and started beating the glass.  
>"Mister Demo," EDI chimed in. "It is recommended that you do not tamper with the tank as we do not know what it may do to the Krogan inside."<p>

"Will ye stop tellin me tae wot tae do ma?" The Demoman slurred. "Ahm already holdin furr separate jobs! What maer do ye want?"  
>"Mister Demo, you are drunk. I can already sense that your BAC level is in a dangerously lethal zone. It is recommended that you find a quiet place away from anything dangerous until you sober up."<p>

The Demoman paid no heed as he noticed the console on the tank. He tilted his head. "Oi MAM! Why'd ye put a lock on the frijerater? Are ye on another one o' yer diets?"  
>"Demoman." EDI attempted to add some emotion to her monotone voice. "I am not your mother, I am the AI. You are onboard the-"<br>"Did that old McDouglas hag call ye ffffffffffffat again?"

"Dem-"  
>"WHY CAN'T YE CALL ME BY ME REAL NAME!" the Demoman cried. He slammed his fist into the keypad. With a series of beeps the tank's locks disengaged.<p>

"Locking the cargo doors. The responsibility and consequences are on you know Demoman." EDI said, and her avatar disappeared. The tank slowly opened, spilling the nutrient filled fluids in a thin film on the floor. The Demoman lifted his left foot and grimaced.

"Oi mum! Did ye leave the icebox unplugged agin? I keep tellin ye if ye want tae watch yer stories, ye gotta plug the telleh in the-oof!" his drunken rambling was cut off by several hundred tons of angry Krogan muscle.

The angry white armored Krogan roared into the Demoman's face, and the Scotsman's reply was an equally loud belch. The alien looked at him with confusion. "Human. Male." He sniffed the air. "Severely inebriated. Before I kill you, I need a name."

The Demoman looked deep into the Krogan's unnaturally blue eyes. "Ye don't even know yer name eh?" The Krogan didn't make a move.

"Yes. I need one, I need an identity." The Krogan looked away, blinking away the fluids that still dribbled off its hide. "Words flashed in front of me in the tank. Warrior. Warlord. Grunt."

"I like that last 'un." The Demoman raised a hand, not really caring that he was suspended by a large lizard, inches away from death. The Krogan nodded. "Yes. That sounds fitting. I am Grunt. Now then." The alien now known as Grunt refocused his attention on the Demoman. "You…give me a good reason not to kill you."

The Demoman gave the Grunt a solemn look. "Well fer one, ye don't even know me, so ye don't even know iffn' I wants tae kill ya. Second, there's a bloke with a gun behind ye."

Grunt spun around to see the barrel of a gun aimed right at his head. Shepard glared daggers at the Krogan. "Demoman, after this is over, we are going to have a talk about following protocol. You however" he motioned to Grunt "we need to set a few things straight. You are on my ship. The only reason you are here is because Okeer sacrificed himself to make sure what killed him would not kill you. So…Grunt, we came to Korlus for a Krogan. You better fill that gap, or your dead weight."

Grunt didn't lower the Demoman though he loosened his grip. "Enough empty threats human. You are less drunk than this one" he motioned to the Demoman nonchalantly scratching his butt. "You seem to have the build of a warrior. You seem worthy…but-" before he could finish he was floored by a two footed kick by the Demoman. Before he could get up, the Demoman planted a boot on his back.

"Ye're a feisty one I'll give ye that! But it'll take a lot more to get the spring on a Degroot!" Shepard moved up to the Krogan and kneeled to his level.

"This squad is going to go into some of the most dangerous places in the galaxy. We are gonna be knee deep in the muck, and I need someone that can keep himself focused on the enemy."  
>Grunt snorted. "Then you have a worthy cause. I will fight for you Shepard. Any fight is good enough. Just pray you do not run out of enemies."<p>

The Demoman lifted his boot and pulled out a bottle from seemingly nowhere, taking a deep swig. "Well iffin' we're done here, I'd like me a bit o' haggis. Or maybe a good sausage." He stumbled to the tank. "OI! Who emptied the fridge?"

Shepard sighed and decided to let whatever else happen here let it play out on its own. As the door closed Joker called in on Shepard's comm.

"Commander, Garrus wants to talk with you about something. Regarding the…last _Normandy_." Joker voiced.

Shepard's expression darkened even further, and made his way to the gun batteries.

…_Normandy_ Gun Batteries…

Garrus scratched the scars on his face. "Shepard, you know as well as I do that even with the Normandy's new toys, it still doesn't stand a chance against the Collectors. Remember what happened? We couldn't even dent its shields. We need something much bigger."

Shepard nodded as very painful memories surfaced. "True enough. What do you have in mind?"

"Well The Hierarchy was working on a prototype weapon, something we got off the Sovereign back during the fight for the Citadel. I have some clearance, I think I can pull a few strings and-"

"Wait, Reaper tech?" Shepard cut him off. "What about the problem with indoctrination?"

"We only looked at the gun Shepard. The rest of it was taken apart a piece at a time. At least until those mercenaries came in a slugged Makarius in the face. Half of it is locked away with Mann Co now."

"I'm hearing ya'll talk about large weapons." They Engineer suddenly appeared behind them. "Sounds like that gun of yers would make quite a dent yeah. But y'know what would make it better? A bomb."  
>"Uh Engy," Garrus said. He, alongside the rest of the Normandy crew had picked up the Fortress team's nickname for the hard-hatted Engineer, "you don't put bombs in guns."<p>

"Not any ol' bombs." The Engineer smiled. "BLU bombs."  
>"BLU bombs?"<br>"Yessir. BLU been usin' them to blow up RED since we were fresh recruits. Lemme tell ya those things packed a punch, well ahead of our time. What made 'em so special was the fact that they had some thick chassis that was dern near impervious to anything that hit it, and plenty of stuff would hit it. Bombs, rockets, you name it. Yet they never blew up prematurely. They always went off ONLY when they were supposed to, usually in the area that was preprogrammed as the target."

Shepard turned to Garrus. "Can we modify your…Reaper guns to fire these bombs?"

Garrus scratched his scar "I suppose I could. The Thanix cannons weren't designed to but with a little calibration…"

"Then get the components for the Thanix gun. Engy, who do we get the BLU bombs from?" 

Engy opened up the PDA app on his omnitool. "Well Mann Co. manufactures these bombs custom made for BLU and RED."

"So we'll commission Mann Co. for-"

"Oh no just one will cost several million credits."

Shepard gave the Engy a hard stare. "So you mentioned these bombs because…"

…Eden Prime Teal Men Group (BLU subsidiary) Movement and Storage Facility…

"That has to have been the craziest stealth operation I have ever undertaken." Garrus breathed.

"I'll say. It is hard trying not to attract attention when we make such an explosive entrance like that. The runaway bulldozer seemed a bit much." Miranda nodded.

"Still not sure how pony ride got involved." The Heavy noted as he powered down his smoking gun.

"So tell me again, why are we doing this?" Shepard asked the Engineer. The hard-hatted man removed his helmet and scratched his head.

"Simple, we go in, find a bomb, load it up on a cart, and shoot anyone between us and the shuttle. That's the tricky part, see Blutarch had some very specific designs in mind when makin his explosive material. One of those was to make the bomb move on its own PROVIDED" the Engineer raised his finger "provided the team hired to push it was around the bomb. This way it would guarantee the bomb would go to its designated area.

Before any of the Normandy team could voice a complaint, the Engineer held a hand up. "Now Redmond did much the same thing, so I know the whole process." He walked past the team and opened his omnitool, with a few presses, the large metal doors labeled "FISH, NOT BOMBS AT ALL" opened up. Inside were rows upon rows of BLU bombs, one of which was conveniently loaded onto a cart along a mag rail leading to another room.

The Engineer walked up to the bomb and started pressing a few more buttons, both on his omnitool and the bomb interface. "Lessee if I remember this correctly…you press this. Then you do that pattern there…hang on was it yellow or green?" he pondered aloud. With a smile he pushed a big red button. Nothing happened. The Engineer sighed "Crummy workmanship these things. Delayed command confirmation…" he muttered as he started pounding on the bomb chassis. After about the third whack, a section of the metal shell opened. Inside was a small monitor, a hole, and some instructions scribbled around it.

'FINGER GO HERE' was above the hole, and 'LOOK HERE. IF YOU SEE YOUR NAME, YOU ARE DONE. IF NOT, STICK FINGER IN AGAIN.'

"A DNA scanner." The Engineer said. "Get yourself registered as a member pushing the bomb and it'll recognize you and move along so long as you're nearby. Come along now. Team Fortress, let's show the greenhorns how it's done." He pulled off his glove and stuck his index finger in the slot. A quick whir later, and the words 'NAME: [REDACTED] ENGINEER PRIME. ACCEPTED.' One by one the members of Team fortress repeated the Engineer's actions and registered themselves with the weapon. The Engineer nodded in satisfaction. "Alrighty now. The rest o' y'all come on up and get in with the bomb squad."

Shepard was the first. With a few taps, the armor covering his arm came off with a hiss. He placed his bare finger in the slot. A quick whir and Shepard winced. "What's wrong Commander? Afraid o' needles?"

"No. Just don't like surprises like that." Shepard grunted. The monitor flickered 'SHEPARD. DEAD SPECTRE. ACCEPTED'. "A machine with a sense of humor. Great." Shepard groaned.

Shepard beckoned everyone else to follow suite.

'MIRANDA LAWSON. ATTRACTIVE ASSASSIN. ACCEPTED.'

'JACOB TAYLOR. EX-ALLIANCE DEADBEAT.' "Deadbeat?" 'ACCEPTED.'

'ZAEED MASSANI. SOME OLD GUY.' Zaeed merely growled.

'MORDIN SOLUS. AUSTRALIAN SALARIAN.' Mordin snorted. "Australian indeed. Impossible." He said even as he unconsciously was striking a pose and flexing his unnaturally large arm muscles.

'GARRUS VAKARIAN. OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE TURIAN.' "What?"

"GRUNT. KROGAN BABysafgssdfvadf". The screen sputtered and died as Grunt removed his fist.

With everyone registered with the bomb, the Engineer closed the compartment and flicked a switch on the bomb console. With a hum, the bomb slowly started to move along the mag rails.

"INTRUDER ALERT! INTRUDER ALERT!" A familiar voice ringed from the PA system. All eyes turned to a conveniently placed message board with slides alternating for every possible situation. "RED TEAM IS IN THE BASE!" The Board started going through the slides.

BLU. GREEN. RED

PYRO, SOLDIER, DEMOMAN, JERK, TEAM

IS, WAS, BEEN, HAS

FOUND, LOST, A, IN

DRACULA, MAN, WOMAN, ROBOT, DEPRESSED LUNATIC, INSANE LUNATIC, GHOST, BASE

"STOP THE BOMB!" the woman over the PA hissed. The Scout peered through a narrow length of glass on the bomb storage bay doors. "Uh, guys? We're gonna have some company." Shepard peered out with the Scout. Outside a large mass of BLU security personnel alongside several TF mercenary clones were setting up. Snipers taking positions in back, Engineers dropping sentries, and Medics taking place behind Heavies.

"Woowee. I was expected BLU to give us a warm reception but I didn't know they liked us this much." The Engineer breathed.

Shepard did a quick count and opened his intercom. "EDI, give me the schematics for the facility, I want to know where this mag rail goes."

"Uploaded to your omnitool now Commander." EDI replied calmly. Shepard did a quick look and sighed. The bomb would be horrifically exposed for nearly the entire trek. The rails snaked through an unnecessarily large part of the facility, with many areas that would leave any team pushing the bomb horribly exposed. "MEDIC, start building up an uber. When we open these doors, get out there with the Demoman and let him destroy the emplacements BLU is setting up. Everyone else get into cover until all fire is focused on them.

Garrus, Sniper, I want you both keeping the BLU snipers off of us. Spy, and Pyro, keep any BLU spies away from them while they cover us. Jacob, Miranda, go with the Soldier and keep the Teal Security occupied. I want Heavy, Zaeed, and the Scout with me to push the bomb.

"What about me boss?" The Engineer asked. Shepard turned to him. "Stay back and build up your sentry. Give us something to cover us if we need to fall back. And be ready to open the doors on the count of ten."

"MISSION BEGINS IN TEN SECONDS…" the PA woman said venomously.

"Are there bugs in here?" Shepard asked. Mordin nodded. "Yes, counted several as we came in. You ah…just stepped on one Commander."

Shepard had a second thought. "You know what? Medic, deploy your ubercharge on Mordin. The Demoman will use that distraction to get as close as he can to the enemy sentries and detonate them. Mordin will deal with the rest. Mordin was somewhat taken aback.

"Commander why would you send me out first? While I'm no stranger to a blue, I'm more of a conch than a fighter." He said with a slight Australian accent.

Shepard gave the muscled Salarian a long look. "Just trust me doctor. This will work."

"FIVE"

"Get ready everyone." Shepard called out behind the bomb.

"FOUR…THREE…TWO…ONE!" and the Engineer activated the doors. The slowly swung open as klaxons howled through the entire building. As expected, a hail of bullets, bombs, and rockets poured through the widening doors. Cover kept everyone well protected, and none dared make a move until they heard it.

"I am fully charged!"

Almost immediately a red Salarian, with a physique more akin to a human bodybuilder, dropped onto the steel floor. Mordin laughed as he felt the raw power of the charge in him and with an inhuman howl, he bounded forward with blinding speed to a BLU heavy just as its own uber dropped. Mordin delivered a punch that sent the large blue Russian flaying into the air, landing on a BLU engineer. All guns were turned on him and in that instant, Shepard's team attacked.

Garrus and the Sniper emerged from their hiding places and with deadly precision started putting headshots into the BLU snipers. Every time they made a shot, they would go into cover and change positions in the rafters so no one could tell where the shots were actually coming from. "I got four so far!" Garrus declared.

"Six!" the Sniper replied.

"You do not!" Garrus shouted.

"No, I don't." The Sniper fired. "Now I do!" he chuckled.

The Demoman used the Ubered Mordin as a distraction and a shield as he launched sticky bombs all over BLU sentries, cackling as body parts and machine debris rained down. Fueled by the Demoman's carnage, Grunt gave a war bellow of his own and he ran into an enemy Soldier, and shot the BLU man with his shotgun point blank. Not even stopping, he let his charge carry him to another enemy, and another, and another.

The Teal Security force tried to counter but found themselves occupied dealing with the combined biotics of Jacob and Miranda. Their powers would send the unfortunate men flying into the air where they became easy targets for the Soldier's barrage of rockets. "Surrender now maggots!" The Soldier declared as he reloaded his rocket launcher. "And I will make your death painless!" Of course his response was merely return fire, but yet more rockets quickly silenced many of their guns.

"The Soldier is a bit…trigger happy don't you think?" Miranda said to Jacob.

"It gets results" Jacob replied. "Besides, I think the Engineer's dispenser will replace whatever he uses."

Miranda rolled her eyes. "That's not what I meant. I mean he is awfully aggressive. He might be making this fight a bit too personal. Making it personal will make him accident prone, and just easier to shoot." She sighed.

One of the security forces, a woman was barking orders. "Ignore the soldier, focus on the biotic bitch!"

"Bitch?" Miranda shouted and threw a warp in the woman's direction. She jumped out of the way by mere seconds. "I am going to strangle you with your own frilly training bra!" she switched to full auto on her shuriken and charged forward.

The remainder of the team stood nearby the cart to ensure it moved slowly but steadily along the track. The Pyro stayed with Zaeed in the back, with the Pyro blasting gouts of flame and Zaeed with his weapon set to incendiary rounds to counter any possible spy. The Scout rode atop of the cart for no other reason than to taunt BLU.

…Teal Storage Receiving…

The Cerberus shuttle idled on docking bay 3, the pilot was snapping his head around waiting for any sign of Shepard and his team. The copilot was suddenly struck with a thought. "Hey I just realized, those bombs on BLU are real big yeah? "

The pilot nodded. "That's the plan."

"But those bombs are real big. How are we gonna fit it in the shuttle? We barely managed to fit the team in here earlier."

"Huh. That's a good point. Guess we didn't think this one out. Well the point is moot, we got company." The pilot replied as he jumped back in and started lifting the shuttle off. It shook as a barrage of rockets and bombs detonated around them. "This is shuttle to Shepard." The pilot shouted into his intercom.

"I hear you, what's happening?"

"We're compromised, sorry Shepard but they aren't letting up. WHERE THE HELL DID THEY GET THOSE AA GUNS?" he shouted over the din. On the ground, the BLU Team was bringing several mounted guns to bear on the shuttle as it took off. Tracer rounds lit up the dusk lit sky, with too many misses being uncomfortably close. "Sorry Shepard, we can't stay here any longer, you'll have to find an alternate way out."

There was only a moment of silence before "Acknowledged, get out of there. We're having some difficulties of our own."

…Employee Incentivization Inventory (Point 3)…

"Team Fortress has stopped pushing forward. Miranda what's going on up there?"

Miranda was staring at Team Fortress. The entire team had pushed forward ahead of everyone else, keeping BLU from harassing the bomb. Miranda had accompanied them for biotic support. Suddenly the entire team stopped at one of the storage units and refused to budge or even make a sound.

"I…I dunno Shepard. The Demoman blew a hole in one of the storage units and ever since then the entire team has been going slack jawed into it. I don't get it."

Team Fortress seemed to stand still like time forgot them. They did not register the explosions around them nor the screams of the dying. Even as the cart rolled up to Point 3, with Shepard and the rest of the group, they did not register them coming.

Shepard scratched his head and muscled his way past the mercenaries to see what had shocked them so much.

Inside the storage unit were stacks upon stacks of crates. Each one was chained and locked with a number tagged to the lock holding the chains together. Right adjacent to the piles of crates were neatly stacked keys all wrapped in clear plastic.

"That's what has you guys all zombified? A bunch of crates?" Shepard's voice seemed to break them from their stupor…somewhat.

"It's like heaven and hell are standing right next to each other." Scout said teary eyed.

"Truly, I hate crate so bad. I wish to destroy them all! But they hold new weapons and hats! We do not know until we unlock! I must have crate! I must have key!" Heavy shouted giddily.

"Really?"

"LOAD UP CRATES AND KEYS! WE ARE NOT LEAVING UNTIL WE GET IT ALL!"

Heavy declared.

"But Heavy, The cart barely fits the bomb. We simply can't load it one. Besides we have more pressing concerns right now. BLU is in control of the landing pads and we do not have a means of getting to the _Normandy_."

"Well I can solve that problem Commander sir." The Engineer stepped in. "I been lookin' at the buildin' plans and it looks like they got several rails that head straight to the planet space port thing. It ain't too far either, we just need to clear it out, take one of their trains, and load it with the loot and take off."

"One problem, BLU could have security waiting for us at the spaceport." Jacob interjected. Shepard snapped his fingers. "Well we don't have to make it to port."

"What?"

"We're gonna take that train but we aren't going to leave via space port."

…Shipping Department…

BLU lined the entrance with heavies and demomen, each with a medic ready to deploy an uber the moment the blast doors opened. Engineers were perched on either side of the track their glowing wrenches out, ready to make emergency repairs on their sentries, lined up to make the rail a killing ground. Two snipers guarding the trains were doing last minute checks on their scopes to make sure each shot was accurate. It was a solid defense.

"THE BOMB HAS ALMOST REACHED THE FINAL TERMINUS!" the announcer yelled mirthfully.

The BLU medics tightened their grips on the release lever, the whirr of the minigun motors the only sound in the room, as they waited for the inevitable massacre. What would happen next would give the Announcer much amusement for days to come. The doors flew open as the bomb, a large rocket more designed for a ship strapped to it, rocketed through and crashing into the first train, throwing the snipers from their perch. Following in was an ubered demoman screaming at the top of his lungs, pulling all the bombs off his chest and hurling them into the wall of sentries. Before the medics could deploy their ubers, a combined sniper fire from Garrus, Sniper, and Shepard killed the Heavies and Demomen that were supposed to receive them. The ubered medics then used their invincibility to run as fast as they could away from the sudden reversal of fortune. It was about this time that the rocket on the bomb finally died out and The Heavy, carrying as many crates as his massive arms could hold, ran in and starting loading the only train that wasn't a smoldering wreck. He was about to go back and get another armful when-

"HEAVY! WE COULD USE SOME HELP WITH THIS DAMN BOMB!" Zaeed shouted from the wreckage of metal. Heavy reluctantly turned around and with minimal effort, raised the bomb that Shepard's entire team struggled to lift, and trundled with it back to the train. It dropped with a resounding thud.

"Right Shepard to _Normandy_, there's been a change, we'll need an evac with the Hammerhead."

"The tank Shepard? What are you doing down there?" Joker asked.

"Long story, the cargo is just a lot heavier than we had previously anticipated. Oh, and the target will be on a moving train."

There was a momentary silence. "Shepard was dying fun last time? Why are you so keen to kill yourself again?" Shepard rolled his eyes.

"Just do it."

"MISSION BEGINS IN FIFTEEN SECONDS."

"Ugh she's still here?" Shepard asked.

"She is everywhere there is BLU and RED sir. We learned to ignore it." Soldier replied. The Engineer found the train's operating console and powered it on. The train, specially built by BLU, lifted into the air as the magnets(how do they work?) pushed against the force from the rails.

"Hang on folks, the start off is always a kick." The Engineer called out on the train's intercom.

The hangar doors slowly parted to the setting sun of Eden prime.

"MISSION BEGINS IN 10 SECONDS"

Shepard tightened his grip on his gun.

"FIVE!"

Demoman took a swig from his bottle.

"FOUR!"

Grunt cracked his knuckles and checked the clip of his shotgun.

"THREE!"

Garrus and raised his hand "Seven".

"Twelve" Sniper replied.  
>"Headshots don't count as two!"<p>

"TWO!"

Spy disappeared.

"ONE!"

The Train left the hangar as the alarm sounded.


	8. Meet the Convict

**Couldn't update for a lot of reasons. 1****st****, my comp's screen got busted in the middle of a trip in China, so I had to wait till I got back before I could order a new one. Second, I caught Shigella while over there and was bed-ridden for two weeks when I got back. Finally, after all that time, I just forgot I had to do this. Finally came back to me, and wrote it up**

**tl;dr: Lappy broke. Stomach broke. Memory broke. Got it all fixed. I'm back.**

Ch. 8

The train shuddered violently as another rocket impacted against it. The Sniper countered and put a superheated bullet through the offending soldier's helmet. "Just to have it on record, I want ta say this has to be yer dumbest plan Engy!" he shouted.

Shepard was inclined to agree. The situation had gone south very quick. BLU managed to repair one of the other trains and sent it blazing along the rails, catching up to them. Worse off, their train was full of Team Fortress clones, drenching their train in a sea of gunfire. Lucky for them, the trains were reinforced as if whoever built them expected psychos to have a gun fight on them. Shepard was certainly thankful for whoever had that vague hindsight as another rocket impacted against the hull he was using as cover. The shot left a dull scorch mark on the paint and nothing more. He jumped out of cover and tossed a biotic pull in the general direction of the enemy. He was certain he managed to pull someone off the train, the cars were too packed to miss, but at the same time, the difference was barely registering. Next to him, Jacob and Miranda were exchanging fire with several more Soldiers who paused barely long enough to reload their weapons. Using that brief window, Miranda pulled two of them into the air, and Jacob used the disarray and fired into the medics who were hiding behind them. Four down, countless more to go. The comm was filled with curses. "Commander, the bomb car is getting shook up like hell back here" came Zaeed's gruff voice. "I don't know how much more this tub can take before something goes 'boom'."

Shepard was in no position to act, his attention was elsewhere. Engineers building sentries up on the car roofs which poured fire at anyone that popped out. They were destroyed by the RED Soldier's rockets, only to be replaced by another. Shepard would try to put the Engineers on the defensive, but he would be distracted by the BLU Snipers that RED Sniper could not see. RED Demoman crouched behind a window and lobbed sticky grenades in the general direction of the train and detonating them several times, in hopes of hitting something vital. All the while, some Heavies managed to get the engine's maintenance bridge to extend to theirs. Apparently the same weirdo who intended for these trains to be mobile battlefields also designed them to carry service bridges that could be extended to allow people to walk across the two high speeding vehicles.

Shepard pulled out his machine pistol and let loose a short burst of bullets. The Heavy managing the console howled as his shoulder exploded. His comrade immediately turned his mingun in Shepard's direction and opened fire. Shepard ducked just before his shields died from the massive rounds impacting it.

"BLU is extending a service bridge; we need to keep them from finishing!" Shepard declared through the comm.

"Now hold on a sec Commander." Engineer replied. "Ah've been studyin' the plans of this here train, and I think I came up with an alternative solution to our conundrum. I say we let them finish the bridge, but we don't allow none o' their side to cross it. "

"Elaborate." Shepard said.

"Commander, are you sure we should listen to this man?" Miranda asked. "He got us into this situation."

"Well then he can try to get us out." Shepard shouted back over a Demoman's sticky explosion.

"Each o' these trains here have been modified with armor with power literally running through it. A sort of…power…armor! It's what keeps the trains intact over all the punishment that it's been gettin'. 'Course that means there is a power source on their train. Meanin' all we need to do is get onta their train, take their power supplah, and get off. After that, a good rocket in the right place'll leave em in the dust."

Shepard peeked over the side, noticing the bridge setup was nearing completion. "Are there any alternative plans?" Silence. "Then we're going with that.

"Allow me commander." The Spy said. He slowly dissipated as his cloaking field activated. A French curse was heard. "Commander, BLU is pouring over ze bridge. I need you to clear it so I can have a clear path over."

Shepard nodded and confirmed it with the rest of the team. The BLU attack force was about halfway across the bridge when the Soldier at the front suddenly bucked over the railing from the Sniper's shot. The second soldier followed soon after thanks to Garrus. Right after, the bridge was hit by the combined biotics of Shepard, Jacob and Miranda. Pull lifted two into the air, and they swiftly disappeared behind the trains. Several were caught in a warp field only to then be hit with a biotic shockwave. The surviving Heavy shouted and fired in Shepard's direction, but was silenced when the Spy materialized behind him and lodged his knife at the base of the Russian man's neck. With the threat removed the Spy cloaked once more. "Beginning my espionage. Please keep zem preoccupied Commander while I locate ze power source."

Shepard pinged in response and resumed defensive position as he heard shouting over the trains. "Here comes the reinforcements." He said. A minute passed. Then two. Then Shepard opened fire.

…BLU Train interior…

The Spy groaned inwardly as he found the generator. The only thing keeping him from doing anything was the fact there were two Engineers parked right on top of their sentries, keeping people like him from tampering with the device. Since that was all they were assigned to do they were bored and thus struck up conversation. Conversation that was quickly going someplace stupid.

"No see here, if he was a robot, then the fight takes a whole one-eighty. Robot Dracula would totally kick Robot Werewolf's tail."

"Now how the heck would Dracula be better as a robot?"

"Well cuz he's primary weakness being sunlight, and then being a robot would get rid o' that problem."

"But the same thing applies to Werewolf. 'Sides wouldn't that mean that Robot Dracula needs to drink eezo instead o' blood? I don't think Werewolf would be eezo powered as a werewolf. He'd be solar powered."

"How the heck d'ya come to that conclusion?"

"Well Werewolf can only transform on a full moon. Stands to reason that Robot Werewolf'd use the Full Moon to charge his battery cells."

"Well the real question would be that what would happen in a three way battle? What if there was a fight 'tween Robot Dracula, Robot Werewolf? And Robot Frankenstein Monster?"

There was silence as the two Engineers turned to the third Engineer among them. They considered this for a moment then looked at each other. "That does make an interesting point."

"Yeah. Bein' robots, they'd be a lot more logical. This would mean they would have some sort of algorithm to determine which one is the bigger threat. Which calls into question what kinda algorithm it is?"

"Well that is assuming' they all use the same algorithm."

"That is assumin' they all usin' the same program language."

The third Engineer left the two to their debate, his overalls having a noticeably large bulge, lighting a cigarette as he left.

The Spy only made it to the top floor when the alarm sounded. "Ugh, I suppose they had to realize sooner or later." He dropped his disguise and pulled out his gun. Pyro's would be checking everything, so there would be no point in disguises or cloaking. A Soldier rounded a corner. The Spy fired and the BLU mercenary was down. Jumping over his corpse was another Soldier. The Spy broke into a sprint, firing blindly behind him. The BLU soldier took cover momentarily. When he came back out, the Spy had already left. The Soldier cursed and tapped his helmet. "We got a RED Spy headin' back to the maintenance bridge! Eyes peeled boys!"

"Already being on it.", replied the smug voice of a Heavy.

…BLU Train top floor…

"Shepard, I have the battery, but I am pinned! Where iz my cover?" Spy winced as one of the Heavy's bullets punched a dent into his cover.

"We're preoccupied on our side right now Spy, just hang on." Shepard replied.

"Dammit, I don't know how much longer my cover will hang on!" the Spy grunted. He lifted his gun and fired blindly at the Heavy. The BLU Heavy was unperturbed by the shots. They went wide, and were not even close to hitting him. He smiled grimly, closing the distance between him and RED Spy. Just as he thought of the wonderful killing to occur, he felt a slight pain in his neck. Then his head exploded.

The Spy looked up to see the Heavy's headless body fall to the floor, its neck stump still steaming. Sticking to it was a needle containing a blue fluid. The Spy reflexively ducked when he heard a loud bang. When he realized it was nowhere near him he scanned the train, looking for the source. He found some figure in an expensive looking suit, not from the past like his, but something from today. He was situated at the top of the train, firing from the hip directly into BLU Team. With every shot, a needle embedded itself into a BLU team member. A second later, the plunger on the needle pressed down, and the BLU mercenary's head exploded. Not wasting this opportunity, the Spy made a dash for the bridge. Just at this time, a BLU soldier armed his rocket launcher, determined to at least stop the Spy. He fired, and the shot demolished the service bridge. The Soldier grinned in triumph, even as a needle lodged itself into his chest.

The Spy cursed his rotten luck, but continued to run. The gap was too large, and already the BLU train was starting to show the strain from so many explosives. It was slowing down. The Spy turned to see BLU team regrouping despite the heavy losses inflicted by the mystery man. The Spy sighed and took a long drag of his cigarette and closed his eyes. The shots never came. Instead it felt like a giant had grabbed him and pulled him off the train. He gave a very unmanly yelp of surprise as the Pull biotic ability drew the Spy back onto RED's train. The Spy just laid their on the floor, trying to slow his heart rate. Scout stood over him smirking. "Careful not to wet your pants there Frenchy." He laughed.

The Spy grunted and forced himself up. He produced from his coat the generator battery and threw it aside. "Mission accomplished Commander."

Shepard smiled. "Good work spy, get some rest."

The Spy sighed and got back on his feet. He looked at the receding BLU train and saw the same man still up there looking right at them. He took his weapons and…unfolded it? He was firing with an umbrella?! The Spy gaped and realized that the gun the man had been firing the whole time was an umbrella. The speed of the train put enough wind into the man's umbrella and t carried him off into the distance. The Spy informed Shepard of what he saw, and the Commander frowned. "It seems we have a third team working behind all this." he said to no one in particular.

There was a brief silence before the roar of the Hammerhead tank from above. The Heavy laughed and held his smoking minigun in the air. RED had won this day. For now, that was all that mattered.

…Eden Prime Undisclosed location…

It was really them. The Original Team. He chuckled to himself. They stayed so much the same while he changed so much. There was something ironic about that but he wasn't sure what. A buzz alerted him to an incoming call. "The job was completed without a hitch madam." He said in a soft voice as the gel vid formed the face of the Administrator.

"And Team Fortress?"

"Shaken, but unscathed."

The Administrator nodded to this news. She took a drag on her cigarette and blew a puff into the vid screen, obscuring her. "Good. Keep up the good work. I want to make sure nothing happens to Team Fortress understood? I have no use for damaged property."

"Understood madam." The man closed the connection and watched as an M-44 Hammerhead boosted off into the stratosphere into the waiting hangar of the _Normandy_. Then he turned back to the smoking ruin of Teal Shipping. Again he chuckled. Yup. They haven't changed at all.

…_Normandy_…

Team Fortress was well satisfied despite the horrific, action packed mission that would have left lesser men voiding their bowels. The Engineer was happily going over the BLU bomb interior, refitting it to be fired from a cannon, the cannon which was on delivery and Garrus was already doing calibrations to compensate for the power change. The rest of Team Fortress was as giddy as a kid on Christmas morning, taking each key from the large stacks and lovingly inserting it into a locked crate, slowly peeling off the chains and revealing what was inside. Even if they got junk weapons, they were still happy. Especially when one found a hat, they would all gather round that person and stare lovingly at the new item.

Grunt looked down at the hangar with a mix of disdain and curiosity. After all, these were men that proved to be as fearsome as the Angry Krogan the tank showed him but they acted like gibbering infants in the presence of a head accessory. Eventually he decided to go down there and see what the fuss was about. It is a mystery to this day how the Demoman convinced him to wear a shako, not only wear it, but wear it with pride.

Shepard was once again in the cockpit with Joker and EDI. "Well Joker, looks like we got one more person on the roster, someone named Jack."

Joker sighed. "Jeez Commander, don't you ever take a break? I mean yeah, galaxy to save and all that, but I don't think if you waited for a day, the Reapers'll come. It's not like "Quick! While Shepard's drinking that pina colada! Invaaaaade!" he did a mock deep voice while waving his arms around.

Shepard grinned. "I got more than enough down time during shuttle. Just bring up where the target is."

Joker put up his hands in pretend defeat and swiveled his chair to the command console. With a few deft strokes the destination appeared. "Dossier points Jack to being a convict! On a maximum security prison satellite named Purgatory. Oh wonderful" Joker groaned. "That doesn't sound like a tragedy waiting to happen." Shepard ignored the last comment.

"Well then, we should set a course for Purgatory." Shepard said.

Then Zaeed butted in "Oh no, I agreed to this nuthouse because Cerberus agreed to give me support on my own agenda, and I nearly got my goddamn as blown off on that last outing. I ain't gonna die before I settle this score, and the sooner that's done, the better."

Shepard returned Zaeed's glare for a long moment. Then he looked up. "Joker."

"Aye Commander?"

"Change of plans, I'm going with Zaeed to Zorya. I'll set up a secondary team to go to Purgatory."

Zaeed backed off, his features softening a fraction. "Just gotta deal with this one problem, and afterwards, you could tell me to detonate a bomb in a Thresher Maw's stomach for all I care."

…Shuttle bound for Purgatory…

The shuttle had a long, cramped, and overall uncomfortable feeling to it. The Heavy took up so much space, that the Medic, Engineer, and Scout were pressed against the shuttle's hull. "This feels way too much like a sardine can." The Scout managed to say.

The Engineer grunted as he struggled to pull his arm out from between him and the Heavy. "There are times when the future feels real crappy, Ah gotta say." With his hand finally free, he pulled his helmet off, and scratched the back of his head. Almost instantly, the itch moved to the other side out of his arm's reach. The Engineer grunted in frustration and struggled once again to remove his other arm.

The Medic sat in his seat, pushing hard against everyone else. He had a lot of sensitive equipment with him. Most of which was very sharp and unpleasant, and he didn't want to be squished into those things.

The Heavy was silent and unmoving. _A prison in space_ he thought to himself. He found himself unwillingly reliving his memories from his time when his loyalty to the Soviet Union finally broke. That prison camp in Siberia. Purgatory boasted that no one could escape. Same thing was said in Siberia. If the Soviet Union had its political prisoners incarcerated in space, would things have turned out different? The Heavy pondered that for a moment. _No, it probably wouldn't._

"Yo Heavy! Think you could move over; we're getting' squished here!" the Scout grunted. The Heavy's thoughts were broken, focusing his eyes on the Scout, growling like a bear. Memories returned of when the Scout first saw the Heavy, the first time he cracked a joke, the Heavy made that noise. He was in a cast for a while after that. Playing it safe he dropped it and looked over to the Engineer. "Don't talk to Heavy. He's real pissed today."

The rest of the ride was silent and uneventful.

…Purgatory Receiving and Guest Processing…

The team disembarked with the blast of recycled air hitting them. It was much stuffier, and much thicker than in the shuttle. The Heavy moved in front of everyone, with several Blue Suns moving away when they saw the huge man walk closer. Waiting for them was a Turian removing its helmet. It smiled at first but quickly frowned as it looked the team over. At least that's what the Heavy thought. For all he knew the alien was picking some food out of his faceplates. "Team Fortress I presume?" the Turian asked.

"Yes. There is problem?" Heavy asked back.

"My apologies. As much as an honor this is, I was expecting Commander Shepard to come." The Turian replied without missing a step.

"He couldn't make it. A previous engagement has him preoccupied. Hope ye understand, galactic politics n' all that.", the Engineer said.

The Turian bowed his head slightly. "Of course, I understand, and I sympathize. I hope he is well. I am Kuril, I am the warden that manages Purgatory. I understand you're here for the prisoner designated Jack correct? Payment has already been processed. If you can relinquish your weapons and follow me?"

That set off an alarm in the back of the Heavy's head. "I never leave weapon. Never."

The Blue Suns responded almost instantly pointing their guns at them. Team Fortress got into battle stance. Many Blue Suns flinched when they heard the motor of the minigun spinning up.

Before tensions could mount, Kuril raised a hand. "That's enough. I doubt they can cause much trouble." And the prison guards lowered their guns slowly. Team Fortress lowered theirs, but the kept their safety switched off. Team Fortress followed Kuril into the prison, quietly being impressed by the way the prison was run. The Engineer admired the architectural structure to maximize the number of occupants in the smallest amount of space. The Medic was amazed at how sterile everything was, despite how a place that had to recycle air was prone to spreading infection. The Scout was just amazed because it looked all 'future'-y. The Heavy was not amused.

The Heavy scanned the prison carefully, taking note of the order, barely held together by flimsy technology. He noted that two inmates were getting into a fight. The guard who separated them did not seem to notice that one of the prisoners slipped a bulky package to the other. Nor did he notice that the prisoner made a disguised gesture to the other. Something was happening between the prisoners and it seemed no one knew or cared. Oh well, it did not matter. As soon as the one the Commander called 'Jack was retrieved, it mattered not what happened on this hunk of junk after he left. "Please step this way and we can process your paperwork." The Turian said as he guided the team into an office. "At the end of the hall, I'll be a moment." He pointed to the door at the end of the room.

The team followed the painted red arrow towards the door only to see that it was just a cell. They turned to see that Kuril was gone, the door shut, and that there was no one in there with them. Kuril's voice crackled on the intercom.

"I was expecting Shepard, but there are many who would pay a hefty sum for the prime Team Fortress members. If you'll step inside I can guarantee your safety." Kuril said.

The Heavy's features hardened. "No. Not again." He growled and hefted his weapon. A flick of a switch and the box extended itself into the whirring minigun more fit on a battle mech than a human. "YOU WANT ME BONY BABY?! COME GETTING ME!"

"I'm sorry…Security activate!" Kuril declared. The door flew open and several security bots marched in an ordered line firing at the Team. Everyone but the Heavy flew into cover. The Heavy let loose his weapon and reveled in the way it tore through the bots' thin plasteel hull and turned their circuitry to dust. Slowly he moved on, shooting down anyone that got in his way, be they bot or mercenary. The Medic took his normal place behind the Heavy, giving him a steady supply of healing medigun beam, the Engineer pulled out something he'd been wanting to try out for a long time. As the Heavy preoccupied himself with enemies coming from the front, the Engineer turned to face those coming from behind. He rolled a ball along the ground, and after three seconds, the ball stopped and uncurled itself into a mini sentry, complete with three guns firing simultaneously. The mercenaries were too focused on the dodging scout to notice the sentry until the first of them, a Batarian, screamed as his sides were reduced to shredded meat and armor. The Scout made a quick mocking salute with his bat as he strutted down after the team, letting the mini sentry keep them preoccupied.

When the enemies stopped coming, the Heavy powered down his gun, paying no mind to the bodies piled around him. He pounded the door blocking his way, and it opened up the maximum security wing. He looked down and saw two large mechs guarding around metal circle in the floor. Inscribed into the circle was a serial, underneath it read "JACK".

"Hey hardhat, work your techno-magic" the Scout called. The Engineer nodded, cracking his knuckles.

He opened his omnitool in one hand, and started fiddling with the console in front of him. He chuckled as he pressed down, giving the release command. The ground floor shoot as a large crane grabbed two slots in the circle, and pulled it up. The steam cleared to reveal a semi-nude girl, skin drenched in tattoos, and currently asleep in cryostasis.

"Jack is leetle baby girl." The Heavy said flatly.

The Engineer looked confused. "Maybe I got the wrong one?" He pushed another command in and the thawing process began.

…Maximum Security Cryo-Isolation Wing bottom floor…

Jack was pissed. Captured and held for who knows how long, she was gonna tear some new assholes all around. The effects of waking from cryostasis were disorienting, but she knew she was in danger. She ignored the dizziness and the nausea, and forced her eyes open. In front of her, two large menacing mechs were turning around to face her. She put all her strength, mental and physical into her arms. One manacle was torn off. Then the other. With both hands free, she focused on the neck brace. With a loud snap, the thick metal came off. The glared at the two mechs, focusing her biotics into her fast and charged straight at the two machines.

…Maximum Security Cryo-Isolation Wing top floor…

The Heavy watched the scene unfold with undisguised glee. "Ha! Little Girl smash little baby toys! Go! I must not be outdone by little girl!"

"Jack is loose! All personnel move to contain Jack!" Kuril sounded desperate. "I repeat! All-" the entire satellite rumbled.

"RIOT! WE HAVE A PRISON RIOT IN PROGRESS!" The Purgatory comms network was filled with such shouting and similar calls for backup. It seemed Jack's subsequent breakout cause the rest of the prisoners to do the same.

The Heavy smiled grimly. "I knew it would change nothing."

"What would change nothing? What are you talking about?" the Medic asked.

The Heavy turned to his friend. "Nothing. It is personal thoughts. Come! Commander tell us to bring Jack onto Team Shepard! So we go to get Jack onto Team Shepard!" he declared and ran after Jack. It was quite easy to follow her. Just follow the wreckage. He didn't pay any mind to the automated systems notifying that Jack was blowing holes in whole sections of the station, cutting life support to entire wings. If he did, all it did was motivate him to move faster.

…Jack's Position…

She was loose. She was free. That was all that mattered. They moved to stop her, but she forced them out of her way. It didn't matter who they were. Prisoners, Blue Suns, if they got in her way, they died. She blasted a door out of the way, and witnessed dozens of prisoners fighting Security bots with scratch-built guns. She didn't care. She charged through all of them, bodies flying everywhere.

She swore she heard the comms traffic blaring through the station's speakers "Team Fortress is on Level Two!"

Team Fortress? That war themed hat simulator she used to play before her incarceration? That bought back a flood of memories. It provided such an entertaining outlet for her frustrations when there was no one living around her to take it out on. She particularly loved the Heavy for the way he could take so much punishment and dish out just as much. But that was a game. Someone must be crazy; and maybe it was her, but she knew for a fact that Team Fortress did not exist.

"OH GOD! THE HEAVY JUST UBERED! HE'S UBERED GET BACK!"

What? Jack felt a tingle go up her spine as she heard that familiar sound of a minigun blasting away. She swerved up to the Level Two ramparts and saw him. It really was the Heavy. Shining metallic red, face contorted in a sinister smile, he was slowly walking down the hall, with Blue Suns falling by the droves. Some ran, some tried to shoot him, but nothing was stopping him. Yeah there were some other TF guys, the Scout, the Engineer, and the Medic, but those guys she couldn't care less about. The Heavy. The Heavy from her game was up there mowing down her enemies. She was momentarily stunned. Had she finally gone crazy? Was this just some weirdo who looked an awful like the Heavy? Her thoughts were distracted by shots pinging around her. Those mercs had a shitty aim.

"Hey assholes! You do it like this!", she yelled out and flung a wave of biotic energy at them. They slammed into the bulkhead with enough force, she swore she could hear the snap. She looked back up, they were gone, but the bodies were still there. That was something else to settle. First things first though: Getting the hell off this station.

…Prison Block 35…

Kuril cursed as a shower of sparks rained down on him. The generators for this place were overloaded, and backlash could be felt all over. Even here where he made his stand. It was those damn mercenaries! If only Shepard had come along! Instead of these maniacs, things would have been different. He could have retired and left this crummy life behind. But now, Team Fortress had to go and ruin it. Well they destroyed his livelihood, he could match the punishment to the crime and take their lives.

"Y'know, you should stop monolouging to yourself, it's unhealthy." Scout said just underneath him.

Kuril looked down to see a shotgun aimed pointblank at his face. His shield took the brunt of the shot, but the force still sent him into the air. "Damn you, I should have had you thrown out of the airlock the moment you came aboard!"

"Yeah but you didn't tough guy. So whaddya gonna do now?" Scout taunted.

"This." Kuril activated an external shield generator. Unfortunately it didn't start. Scout looked to the left and right.

"Sumthin' supposed to happen?"

Kuril pressed the button again and again. "Damn it! This can't be! Work damn you work!" It flared to life again. Only it didn't shield him.

It fried him.

Kuril screamed as the generator sent arcs of energy through his body. Scout winced. "Ooh, I think ya overdid it there hardhat" he said the Engineer who was pulling wires out of one of the shield nodes.

"Eh, Ah was getting' tired of his stupid monologin'. Figured things had to move 'long little faster s'all."

The Heavy looked about. "We not done yet. Still lookings for the Jack girl."

Scout leaned on his bat and put a finger to his chin. "Hmm let me think. If I was a homicidal chick lookin' to get the hell outta some space station quick, where would I go?"

Heavy glared, but knew the Scout was right. "Then back to Spaceship place!"

… Purgatory Receiving and Guest Processing (Spaceship place)…

Jack grunted in frustration. There was only one vessel docked but it the damn console opening the door refused every passcode she put in. She was ready to punch a hole in it when she heard a Southern accent ask her "Need some help with that?"

She spun around and faced the source only to gape dumbly at the sight in front of her. Team Fortress again! Okay, it was official. She went crazy. That was the only possible explanation. The Heavy walked forward. "You girl called Jack?" she nodded. Then the Heavy smiled and pat her on the back. Well he patted, to her it felt like a truck slamming into her spine. "Well you did well! I don't see anyone fight like that except me and Australian Moustache Mann Man, Saxton Hale!"

Holy crap she wasn't crazy. They were real. That slap was way too real. Before she could say anything to this Heavy guy, she felt her adrenaline leaving. She was passing out. _Well this was a shitty way to introduce yourself to your favorite game character_ she thought before her vision faded.


	9. Now Loading: CP Refinery Split

9

**Um stuff. And. Uh. More stuff. Oh yeah now I remember.  
><strong>

**Some of you are sending me PMs. Don't bother I never check em. I only saw them now by chance, though they are all several months old. So heads up. I don't do PM.  
><strong>

Shepard squinted as the harsh glare of the Zoryan sun blazed into his eyes. He stepped out of the shuttle alongside an edgy looking Zaeed. Behind that were the Pyro, the Soldier, the Demoman, and Grunt. The Pyro breathed deep and rubbed his hands together. "Mph mph mph…mmmpph ummummphu mmmphmmum mu."

The Soldier nodded back. "Yes I can smell it. That there is some heavy industry filling the air."

Shepard eyed the Solder. "Wait, you people can understand him? It?"

The Demoman nodded. "Aye, we can; we dun been with him fer years. After a while, ye start to hear the words behind the grunts."

Shepard considered pressing the subject further, but then dismissed it. "Be careful, this is a refinery, very volatile stuff goes through here." He eyed the Pyro uneasily as the masked person started jumping up and down with glee. "There are people here being held against their will. Our priorities are to free them, and neutralize the Blue Sun presence. Any questions?"

EDI chimed in. "Shepard, I'm picking up comms traffic. Patching it through."

"-ing zone. Squads Alpha and Gamma go check it out."

Zaeed's faced twisted into some mix of a snarl and a smile. "They know we're coming. Good." He primed his rifle and trudged through the foliage. Everyone followed after. Zaeed seemed to know the place very well already. Without any real help, he guided the squad through the dense jungles and onto a clearer path leading to some sort of industrial plant. Just as quickly, they ran into one of the squads. The leader, a Batarian shouted in their direction and seven other Blue Suns opened fire on them. Everyone dived for cover. Except the Demoman.

The family greatsword in one hand, a Mann Co. Gel Shield ("I didn't even know we made things like this" – Seamus Hale) in the other, he screamed a war cry and closed the distance between himself and an unfortunate Turian. Before the alien could bring anything up to block it, the sword sliced through the weak neck joint of his armor, and removed the head in a deft swipe. Grunt laughed at this display of brutality and, invigorated, jumped out of cover firing his shotgun full auto into another unfortunate. While the man survived the shotgun barrage, he did not survive the wall of Krogan slamming into him. He went flying into a rocky outcrop and didn't rise.

The Batarian turned his weapon on the Krogan, but it left him open to the rocket of the Soldier. He was knocked back as his shields absorbed the explosion, but the attention bought the grinning Krogan down on him. It was messy, and no more shall be said.

"We're being overrun, fall back and regroup" one yelled, and the others obeyed in a disordered fashion, some just turning heel and running for their lives, others moving back laying down poorly aimed suppressive fire. Something Zaeed took advantage of. With deft aim, he fired a three shot burst into two Blue Suns, dropping their shields, then switched to single fire and put one bullet in the heads of each one.

A gruff voice cut into the comms. "This is Santiago. If any of you sons of bitches run while the intruders are still around, I'll kill you myself. Get out there and fight!"

Zaeed grunted. "Vido. Hasn't changed a bit."

"Mmm mmph mmph?" Pyro asked. Zaeed replied with a blank stare

"He asked if you really know that guy." Soldier translated.

"'Course I know him. Sonnuvabitch was the same as he was twenty years ago when we ran the Blue Suns-"

"Back up a moment." Shepard held up his hand. "You founded the Blue Suns?"

"Yeah. Me n' him ran everything till he decided to muscle me out."

"That's doesn't appear in its official history." Shepard said. Team Fortress laughed at this.

Demoman smiled and tilted his head to Shepard. "Boyo, official history always cuts out some o' the more 'unsavory' details."

"I know that, but even this is a…stretch."

"That's 'cause Vido went through a hell of a lot of trouble to make sure my part was erased. The asshole bought my men away, went through all the records and erased any trace of me. I don't care about that crap anymore; I just want to return the favor he gave me." He smirked rubbing the scar tissue around his eye.

"That's why yer eye's all" The Demoman pointed to the heavily scarred region on the right side of his face. Zaeed chuckled.

"Yep, that's the one. Sunnuvabitch put a gun to m'head and pulled the trigger n' left me for dead. Idiot never could finish a job."

The comms started up again. "All squads mass at the gatehouse, their coming from the front."

"They're expecting us." Shepard said.

Soldier hefted his Mann Co issue Explodenator ("A real mann's weapon. Though not as mannly as MY FISTS!" –Seamus Hale) "Good, that means I won't have to hunt the scum suckers down later. To the Zoryan gatehouse place thing!"

…Zoryan Gatehouse Place Thing…

Vido was getting impatient. A bunch of intruders, shooting up the new bloods, right as he was settling into getting his ass drunk. Not a bad way to spend his lazy afternoon. The solders around him were tense, fingers ready to pull the trigger, but he wouldn't let them. He'd kill them if they didn't let him see who was rude enough to make him waste his break time.

"Contact" a Batarian said, and over the ridge came the dirt bags. This was a surprise. A bunch of jokers dressed up in Tee-Eff getups, some guy he didn't recognize and a very angry, very familiar face.

"Zaeed." Vido said with false joy. "Finally found me huh?"

"Vido…you know why I'm here, so we can skip the bullcrap."

The brown bearded man scoffed. "As if, didn't end well last time. This time I got even more men aimed at ya. Go on take your best shot. I dare ya."

"Challenge Accepted." Soldier declared and fired a rocket at the massed Blue Suns. The explosion reduced two to a red mist, and caused the others to flinch. A second rocket and three were writhing on the ground with shrapnel sticking out of them, and limbs bent in angles that really shouldn't be possible. The third rocket hit a gas pipe and the whole top of the gatehouse was in flames. Vido ran off. "Damn I think I missed." Soldier muttered.

Shepard forcefully spun the Soldier around. "The hell was that for? There are people in this refinery, we're here to save them not kill them!"

The Soldier looked confused. "Aren't we also here to kill that Vido bastard?

"We are." Zaeed nodded as he put his gun away. He started to pull the metal debris away from the entrance, just enough for a man to crawl through. "Don't forget that Shepard, that was the deal with Cerberus; that was the deal I made with you. Vido dies today.

Frustrated, Shepard pushed Zaeed out of the way, concentrated his emotions into his hand, and used the biotics to warp the metal into the crevices. Turning to Zaeed, he said in a threatening voice "We are not risking the lives of others to do it though, and don't forget that."

Soldier scratched his head. "If you're that worried about it, why not go rescue them yourself?"

Shepard turned and fixed the soldier with his angriest glare, but the Soldier paid it no mind. "I mean you bought us, hired killers with ballistic explosives on a rescue operation? That isn't gonna work pal. Maybe you should take say Pyro with you, and me and Demoman will go with Zaeed to chase Vido down. That way anything we blow up will be beneficial."

Shepard was ready to send a stinging retort then bit it back. There was a surprising amount of logic in that. An explosion came from the refinery. The Soldier's damage was far more severe than he realized. He came to his decision. "Fine. You guys go after Vido. Pyro, you're with me."

"Mmmphmm mm? Mmmphmmhmpmhmmm?"

Shepard stared at him blankly.

"He asked if he gets to burn stuff." The Soldier said.

"…sure."

…Zoryan Refinery (Zaeed's team)…

"Wait for me you bastard! I'm comin' to kill ya Vido!" Zaeed declared as he opened full auto with his assault rifle. The Turian went down clutching a wound in his neck. Vido had just thrown the unfortunate right in front of him at the last minute.

"You couldn't do it last time Zaeed. You won't this time" He shouted back. "Kill him you idiots! Kill em all!" He ran and let the others distract Zaeed. Unfortunate for them

"Come on ya bloody ponces! IN THE NAME OF DEGROOOOOOT!" Demoman shouted as he lopped another man's head off.

"Heaaaads…" his sword whispered.

"Oh shut it, I wasn't talkin' to ye." Demoman said back.

The Soldier fired his full payload of rockets at a gas tank, making a marvelous explosion that bought a tear to the Demoman's remaining eye. "Might as well give up now maggots, I have you outnumbered one to twenty." He switched to his shotgun, the Mann Co Krogan's Mouth("Will you turn that stupid thing off? Quote? For what? That's a stupid name for a gun, who was the idiot who gave it that f"- Seamus Hale). The shotgun blasted away the visual sensory input of a mech, leaving it totally vulnerable to the Demoman's sticky bomb explosion.

"Send as many bastards as you want Vido! They won't save you today!" Zaeed laughed.

Vido didn't even slow down. He screamed into his comm link to bring reinforcements, anything to stop the explosive happy maniacs.

…Zoryan Refinery (Shepard's Team)…

"Go you're free, go!" Shepard shouted. Dozens of workers flooded past him, heads down, only looking forward. The whole building shook as some other part of the facility went up. "Demoman! Keep the damage to a minimum until everyone is evacuated."

"But that wud'na me!" Demoman replied.

"Soldier…"

"No sir." The building shook again. "That was me, but it was an accident."

"Wait. Where's the Pyro?"

"YOU LOST THE PYRO?!" Demoman and Soldier shouted simultaneously. Shepard pulled his comm out for a moment and winced. "What?"

"Oh! Uh…nothin' just uh…keep doin' what yer doin, but if you start hearing screamin', ye might wanna start runnin' fer th'hills." Demoman's voice came in a shaky, nervous tone.

Shepard raised an eyebrow. A meaningless gesture since no one was watching him, but still, he was confused. Why was it so bad to lose the Pyro in a flammable refiner-oh.

...Zoryan Refinery Shipping pad…

He sighed in relief. Too close. He felt the comfortable rumble of the engines activating as his shuttle began its ascent "Shields are going up sir. We are-wait what the hell's that?"

Vido turned and saw what the pilot was pointing at. A body was falling through the air straight for them. And it got bigger all too quickly. Suddenly the speakers were flooded with noise. A battle cry that seemed to extend into forever: "SEAMUS HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALE !"

The large shirtless man impacted on the nose of the ship and with amazing deftness, clambered to the cockpit windshield. With a single punch, he tore through half a foot of glass, and smashed the ship's controls. The pilot screamed as the ship lost control, and began to spin wildly towards the ground.

This was getting too insane. Vido undid his straps and clung for dear life as he struggled to the ship's loading doors and forced them open. Grabbing one of the emergency evacuation packs, the rolled out just in time as the ship exploded in mid-air for no reason in particular. A push of a button, and he was making his way earthward at a safe speed. Except what was waiting for him on the ground was not welcoming. The red suited lunatic from before was gazing up at him from its lifeless black gas mask. Vido struggled to shift himself away, but the thing calmly followed him, staying directly under him. Vido yelped as he saw the thing ready its evil looking weapon and pointing it right at him. A gout of flame rushed up to meet him, but dissipated thankfully a couple feet away.

The thing wouldn't stop though. More fire; it was getting closer. "Get away. Oh GOD GET AWAY!" Vido was practically screaming as he reached desperately on his belt for a weapon.

…Pyrovision Active…

The Pyro tilted his head sideways. The funny man didn't want the bubbles? That's impossible. Everyone wants bubbles and rainbows. He must have had a bad time with rainbows. Like Scout! Now that was a poor person. Such a sad individual deprived of the joy of rainbows. But he lightened up and started liking bubble rainbows. So would this funny baby-man. "ME NO LIKE-EE RAINBOW" the funny baby-man shouted. "BUBBLE GA-GA-BOO-BOO!"

"Oh don't be silly my dear friend. There is nothing wrong with rainbows! Especially BUBBLE RAINBOWS!" the Pyro declared in a singsong voice. He fiddled with his instrument again and blew even more into the air. "See, it's fun. There is nothing to fear! Come down and play with everyone my silly friend! Frolic with the rest of your friends!" he implored. More rainbows! More rainbows!

"Eeeeee!" the funny baby-man giggled as the bubbles tickled his lower half. The Pyro knew he was getting through. "Fun! Fun! Again!" he shouted.

The Pyro complied. More bubbles and rainbows for the funny baby-man! The little guy could barely contain his joy and the rainbow washed over him. He shook and he laughed and he danced with glee! That's what the Pyro enjoyed most about his job. Bringing smiles to everyone. Oh! How could he forget?! He hit himself on the head as he forgot the most important part! He reached for his lolly that he saved for such occasions. "For being such a brave little boy, a treat for you!" he sang. "Open wiiiiiiide…" And he tossed the lolly in the boy's direction. The boy caught it right in the middle of his chest and he clutched it close.

"Thank you Mister Pyro sir!" the funny little guy said.

"Not at all" Pyro smiled and waved good bye. Whistling a little tune, he did a little jig as he went back to his other friends. Such a wonderful place this was. Even in the future, on these wondrous new worlds, people still needed his smiles, and he was more than happy to give them.

…Pyrovision no longer active…

The Demoman winced as what was left of Vido finally stopped moving. "Oh that was a bad'un." he grimaced.

The Soldier shared his sentiments as he fought to keep down his lunch. It became especially hard when the smell of cooked flesh hit his nostrils. Zaeed however seemed unfazed. If anything, he approved, as he slowly nodded at the grisly scene. "Only thing I'd change in this scene is if I done that myself…"

Zaeed stared at Vido's corpse for a few moments more. "Well Shepard, the deed's done. How're things on your end?"

"Fine Zaeed. Are you alright?" Shepard asked.

"Just fine." Zaeed said.

Suddenly the foliage began to rustle. Everyone spun around to the source, readying their weapons. From the dense jungle came the slightly singed Seamus Hale. He brushed off some smoking metal debris from his thick, Australia-shaped chest hair and took off his hat to inspect the damage. "Oooh, that's gonna cost a lot to fix." he groaned. Only after he finished picking warped shrapnel from his still meticulous moustache, he noticed the mercenaries. "Oh it's you lot again yeah? You meet the tenth class yet?"

"Tenth class, what the hell's he talkin' about?" Zaeed turned to Team Fortress. Soldier shrugged. Demoman stepped forward.

"I've been meanin te ask that. What the hell ye talkin' bout, I only knew there was the nine of us."

Seamus was mildly surprised, the only giveaway being a slight rise on the edges of his moustache. "None of you remembered yet? Oy, I gotta get into contact with Her again. This is goin' way too slow."

"What is?" Soldier enquired. Seamus shook his head.

"It's not for me to tell ye. Don't want to make a mess when it happens. No, best thing to do is let Her deal with this. Sorry mates, it's gonna hurt, but it'll hurt even more if you don't remember it, cause if ye don't I'll beat it into your skulls!" Seamus threatened raising his fists. Then he smiled.

"Nah! Just kiddin' with ya, but ye better start rememberin' or we're all in trouble." Seamus said in a somewhat dark tone. Before anyone could press him any further, Seamus was gone, leaping away through the jungle with the grace of a bulldozer.

…_Normandy_…

"So what's this about a tenth class?" the entire team was silent. Shepard had gathered the whole team for debriefing, and after going over the comm record, he bought the entire Team Fortress in as well. The CIC room was understandable getting cramped. Shepard was somewhat on edge, the whole Zoryan incident, the destruction of a maximum security prison, this was going to attract a lot of unnecessary attention, and all he was getting was more questions. "No one knows? I find that hard to believe. Hale asked if you remembered. Doesn't that mean you should know what this tenth class is? Why are there ten classes? Why are you even called classes?" Shepard put his hands on the table. "What is Team Fortress? Really?"

Team Fortress shifted uncomfortably in their seats. Especially Spy. After a long, awkward silence he spoke up. "I may have met him. Not personally."

"When?"

"Back when we were raiding BLU for a bomb. He didn't look anything like ze rest of us, but he adhered to ze same guidelines as a RED employee: Having no clothing with blue, or a shade of blue, and murdering anyone who was wearing blue. He was very efficient at ze last part. I probably would have died if he had not arrived."

"Did you get a good look at him?" Shepard inched closer to the Spy.

"Alas, no. I was facing the sun, and after he had killed ze BLU team, he left. Using somezing like an umbrella…only it wasn't."

"Well that doesn't make any sense." Soldier grunted. "What was it?"

"I don't know! Zis is all I can remember. Zough I did feel an odd shiver down my spine when I first saw him. It was an odd, familiar sensation, but I am not sure what."

Shepard put his hand on his forehead. "Alright, we don't know about the tenth class, but what about this remembering business? Why would there be some sort of involvement between you and the man voted to be the third richest man in the galaxy? More to the point, how could you forget something like that?"

The Heavy shrugged. "When working for she-devil, lots of tests, lots of surgery. Not all by Medic. Sometime they tinkered with brain. Maybe they make us forget."

"If that's the case, why do they want you to remember that stuff now?" Miranda asked. "Why bother removing those memories at all?"

"Wait, you actually believe memory alteration is possible with these people? Complete memory wipe?" Jacob asked Miranda.

"Of course. Remember who we're dealing with. Until a few days ago, none of us even knew Team Fortress existed as anything more than a game."

The Engineer scratched his head. "Well, Ah'm thinkin' the easiest reason She doesn't want us to remember is probably some sorta' company secrets they didn't want spillin'. Course, I can't think of much they would still wanna keep secret now. That stuff is ancient history. Literally."

Shepard was about to ask another question when EDI chimed in. "Shepard, the guest the Heavy carried aboard is coming to. It is advisable you negotiate with her, as she is becoming very aggressive."

Shepard swore and ran out the CIC room, Heavy close behind.

…_Normandy_ Hangar…

"Don't make one step closer assholes!" Jack shouted. She threw another heavy crate at the Cerberus people in front of her. She was pissed. Course waking up surrounded by Cerberus people was liable to piss her off regardless. They shouted to her, telling her to calm down. Yeah right. She wasn't about to let these people strap her down again.

"Commander Shepard! Thank God you arrived in time!" one of them exclaimed as the elevator opened. Out stepped a man with a shaven head, though the stubble of his hair was growing back, and-HEAVY?!

The smaller guy stepped forward. "Easy now Jack, it's alright, we're friends."

That jolted her back to here and now. "Like I'll fall for that. Give me a reason not to pound you into paste." She threatened. She lifted another crate to show it was not some idle threat.

"Enough little strong girl." The Heavy said softly, or as softly as it could. It still sounded like rocks being ground together. "We not hostiles. If we wanted dead girl, I would have crushed your neck when asleep drooling on my vest."

Jack was caught off guard by that. The crate she had lifted dropped with a clang. "You…okay, you take your TeeEff obsession to a whole new level. I like it as much as the next girl but dressing as him? What is this, Halloween?"

Heavy shook his head. "Not day of silly costumes and babies leeching sugar food from the worker. It was day of silly costumes months ago. My real name is-" The Heavy flinched as he tried to remember his name. Any and all attempt to remember was interrupted and was forgotten. He tried again. Another jolt of pain. Not painful at all, but annoying enough to destroy any thought process.

"You're name is…"Jack waved her arm impatiently. Heavy was apprehensive.

"Heavy," Shepard turned to the large Russian. "are you alright."

They Heavy scratched his head. "I cannot remember name. Too much time allowing the doctors of RED in my brain. Trying to remember name brings pain."

Jack concentrated her power again. "Sorry to break this up, but you aren't doing anything to convince me this is a friendly arrangement. You say you're my friend but you work for Cerberus. That's like pointing a gun to my head while saying you come in peace. You gotta try harder than that."

Shepard spun around. "Dammit, think about it for two seconds, if we really wanted you dead or use you, do you think we would have let you come to while in transit?"

There was some logic in that. Jack reluctantly released her power again. "Alright, so you aren't gonna pick my brain again. So what do you want?" she demanded, folding her arms.

Shepard cleared his throat. "Human colonies are being abducted, and I know who is doing it. I'm assembling a team to find the Collectors and stop them. You were recommended."

"…by who?"

Shepard paused. "By the Illusive Man."

Jack spat. "That asshole? Why should I do anything for that guy?"

"What is history with you and Illusion Man?" Heavy asked.

"You really don't know? You really aren't Cerberus. You know, I might tell ya why but only cause you look like the Heavy." Jack laughed. She pointed to Shepard. "Cerberus has data on me. I want it. All of it. You want me on your team, I get full access."

Shepard nodded. "Fair enough. EDI, if you would."

"Acknowledged Shepard." EDI replied. "Jack now has full access to Cerberus archives."

Jack nodded. "Alright, I guess I'll stick around here for a while. Got someplace quiet and out of the way?"

Heavy raised his hand. "I know good place. Nice place to hide and wait for hangover to stop." Heavy gestured her to follow and left for the elevator.

One of the crewmembers scratched his head. "Huh, who would have thought those two would have a chemistry…"

"Oh hush, they're perfect for each other. The girl small but violent and loud, and the man tall and quiet. Opposites attract; it's so cute!" the woman next to him replied.

"…you need to stop reading so many damn romance slates." The former muttered.

…Mann World, Hale's Super-Secret Conference Room (Bathroom Stall 1)…

"What's this all about? Why haven't you told 'em yet?" Hale demanded of his smoky, one time lover.

She took a drag of probably her tenth cigarette that day and blew it into the air. "Mr. Hale, since you have a copy of the files, though I doubt you spend much time reading, allow me to read it to you."

She pulled out a data slate and tapped it a few times until the desired information appeared.

"The events that we have learned of, while important, have not yet reached appropriate levels of urgency to require Team Fortress to be recalled ASAP. Instead, we shall employ the tenth class who will retrieve them at his own pace to ensure minimal damage to himself, Team Fortress, and miscellaneous company assets. This message should be relayed to Seamus Hale, and then reread several times out loud to him as he does not like to read words that have more than three letters, and due to his actions causing frequent head injury, he will most likely forget. See attachment 12b for details."

She looked up from her slate. "Mr. Hale, are you calling me from a restroom?"

Seamus twiddled his fingers as a toilet flushed.

She sighed and took another puff of her cigarette. "If it wasn't for our history, I would have bought you out years ago and…never mind." She pulled up attachment 12b. "Alright Mr. Hale, where do I need to begin?"


	10. Now Loading: trade citadel v221

10

Shepard was lying in his bed, watching the stars flit by as the _Normandy_ continued on its course to the Citadel. Anderson wanted to see him, and there was that business with the one The Illusive Man called the Thief. It wasn't these things that were most prominent in his mind however. He was worried about Team Fortress. So far since they had thawed out, every place they had visited, the team left them as smoldering wrecks. They managed to get away with it so far because each spot was a warzone, Terminus system warzones. This was the Citadel. He shuddered when he thought about what the mercenaries would do.

A bit away from him, his PC was streaming the latest newscast it picked up. "…in flames. However, Mann Co CEO Seamus Hale reportedly dismissed such accusations of his involvement." The even toned woman proceeded to read a quote from Mr. Hale, even going so far as to try and mimic his accent. "I know I done did say I was gonna make those mercenary scumbags pay for their attack on Mann World, but I meant it as a form of economic sanction and litigatious action. I'm pretty sure that's something you can do. Jeeves said that was a big confusing word, so I'll just go with that."

"In other news, Eden Prime just can't cut a break; as amidst reconstruction, there has been yet another attack, this time on one of the larger freight companies. TEAL shipping was suddenly attacked only a couple of days ago. Witnesses claim that the attack happened suddenly and explosively, but since the attack neither involved Geth, nor did the fighting spread to anywhere else, most colonists chose to ignore it, claiming that stuff like that happened to TEAL all the time. A spokesperson of TEAL had this to say:"

The woman's face cut to a man in blue attire and a false smile that looked like someone propped his lips up with toothpicks. "We are a dedicated company that wants to see the well-being of all blue loving mankind, especially here on Eden Prime. This attack was just the latest of many poorly educated pirates who hate the color blue and all blue shaded colors, and also are traitors to their own race. Rest assured, we are well aware of this problem and are taking steps to ensure retaliation is swift and just on those evil, red-loving humanity haters."

"We interrupt this program, as we have just learned that there has been an attack on Thessia. Apparently a group of unknown assailants had bought in, and…escorted a large explosive into the heart of an R&D building of Biotic Burgundy, a startup company with rumored ties to the well-known RED corporation."

Shepard sighed. Fights between companies like this happened all the time, but only now did he see that there was something much deeper than one business trying to cripple another. It was all part of some stupid war between two crazy men. How he never saw it until now…

He snapped out of his thoughts by a notice from his intercom. "Commander" said Joker, "we'll be approaching the Citadel in a couple hours, you may want to come down and get your team set up."

"Thanks for the heads up Joker." Shepard replied and shut it off. He stood up and stretched, giving one more look at the stars before making his way down. He suddenly remembered he fulfilled a request for Mordin, although it was very odd for a Salarian.

…_Normandy_ Bio Lab…

"Mordin I bought the shipment you requested, though I don't see why you'd need 3 barrels of Mars Lager for…?" Shepard stopped dead as he opened the door. In front of him was the Engineer trying hard to keep a straight face, and the Salarian doctor, but totally changed from when he first came aboard. He had developed a lot of extra muscle mass, was noticeably taller, and had a larger brown moustache taped above his lips, waxed and groomed into a much more luxurious and manly piece of facial hair than the one he had roughly glued to his face on Korlus. He was in the process of draining the tap of a crate of the Cerberus supplied alcohol into his large mug when he looked up and smiled broadly. "Oh cheers mate! Was afraid of running dry for a second there and was gob smacked for a bit." the doctor replied with a thick, stereotypical Australian accent. The kind of 'someone-who-has-never-heard-a -real-Australian-and-only-speaks-the-way-they-think-they-talk-like' type of accent.

"Are you alright Mordin?"

The Salarian laughed after he downed his mug, picking the beery foam gently off his moustache. "Grinning like a shot fox Shepard. Why ask?"

The Engineer smiled. "Lemme handle this boss. Hey Mordin! Remember that metal I gave ya? Mind tossin it back, I need to do some brainstormin'." Mordin nodded and reached into his pocket and tossed the golden ball towards the Engineer. As soon as it left his hands, Mordin blinked. His moustache fell off his face.

"What happened?" Mordin asked innocently, without his accent.

The Engineer chuckled. "Told ya Australium does that buddy. Y'need to keep the metal encased in lead whenever y'ain't using it otherwise you get this sorta thing." The Engineer gestured to Mordin's increased body frame while he pulled out a small box and place the metal inside. "Y'should have some stuff returnin to normal. Though some other stuff I'm afraid are kinda stuck. Such as that thing yer doin right now." He pointed to Mordin, who was unconsciously bending a bar of metal. Mordin looked down and dropped the bent ingot.

"Oh. This is quite an odd phenomenon. Perhaps I can keep that Austrailium for study?"  
>Engineer shook his head. "Sorry buddy, that's probably not a good idea at this point, you may wanna give it a break for a while before you study this thing. In the meantime, doesn't Shepard want ya to study something else?"<br>Mordin nodded. "Of course, of course. Mind is becoming clear again. Experiment was progressing slowly before. Constant need for alcohol and half brained ideas of converting Collector Swarms into trained moustache groomers kept interrupting studies. Should resume at normal pace now. Thank you Shepard. Engineer." Mordin nodded to both Shepard and the Engineer. As Shepard left Mordin called out. "Would not want that lager to go to waste. Please have that sent up. Thank you!"

…_Normandy_ Cargo Decks…

"Again."  
>Grunt groaned as he picked up the metal pole off the ground. It was about as long as the Demoman's great sword, at least by Krogan standards. He fastened his grip on the bar and faced his target once more. He shouted at the top of his lungs and charged at the deactivated robot. The Shako one his head drooped down, but Grunt did not allow such a drop in his headwear stop him. He swung the bar and the mech's head came off.<p>

"Good. Yer aim is getting' better. It's all well and dandy tae have a gun, but when that blasted thing runs outta ammo, ye better have something better than just yer fists. That is, iffn' ye want to win." Demoman nodded. He took another swig of his whiskey.

"Now, try again. Only this time we'll try with somethin' bigger. We need tae see what sorta sword'll work best fer ye."

"The omni-blade should be fine." Grunt said.

Demoman scoffed. "There ye go again, relyin' on fancy gadgets forgettin' ye need a fallback when yer toy dunna want to work anymore." He reached back and took out a longer, heavier looking bar of metal. "Try running that bot through with this. Square in the middle now."

"COMMANDING OFFICER ON DECK!" Soldier shouted again.

"At ease." Shepard sighed. He waited till his Team Fortress gathered round him. "Alright, soon we'll be docking with the Citadel, which means temporary shore leave." A few woops and shouts rose from the gathering. Seeing the apex of what the future had to offer besides gun toting maniacs was something that really excited many Team Fortress members. Shepard settled them down. "I know you are excited, but remember, this is Citadel space. Being humans, you represent the Alliance with every action you take, so please: Try to be on your best behavior. Then be even better." Shepard said. "No pulling out weapons unless someone threatens you with one first. No intimidating shopkeepers or passerby without legitimate reasons. No doing what it is you usually do."  
>"Commander Shepard, you offend us." Spy said with mock surprise. "Do not worry, we are accustomed to working with ze public, we will be fine."<p>

"What about that incident with Santa at the mall?" Scout said. Spy elbowed the teen in the ribs without even breaking his smile or looking away from Shepard.  
>"Rest assured nozing bad will happen."<p>

…Citadel Customs Office…

"Shepard, enter the password and receive a free gift." One of the advertising terminals chimed. Shepard looked at the odd out of place device. He approached the terminal.

"Password?" The hooded woman asked with a false smile.

"Silence is Golden." The woman smiled genuinely this time.

"Good to meet Commander Shepard. Kasumi Goto. I see you have quite the entourage." Shepard looked back at the members of his team, all milling about the customs office while they waited for Shepard to give them the 'okay' to proceed. Most of them were. Heavy was poking at a Hanar's tentacles, while the offended creature tried to tell him to stop in his most polite, but still most offended voice possible. Engineer was absorbing all the information about the Citadel that he could from an information kiosk, and Spy was nowhere to be found as usual.

"Is there a reason for the secrecy?"  
>"I'm a thief commander. To be one I have to stay sharp. Well that and being told I would be working not only for THE Commander Shepard, but also THE Team Fortress, you can understand why I was skeptical. Even if the pay was huge, and it was huge. Still, a message like that is prone to raise eyebrows."<br>On the view screen of the terminal, the Spy suddenly appeared behind Kasumi. "Mmmm, I wouldn't mind seeing yours, or ze rest of your lovely face mademoiselle."

Kasumi spun around and gasped, reflexively throwing a haymaker at the Spy, who dodged it. "Spy? How'd you get there? Where are you?" Shepard asked.

…Kasumi's Roost…

"I just followed ze sound of zis charming lady's oh so hypnotizing voice." Spy smiled.

Kasumi wasn't sure whether to be surprised, flattered, or gag. She turned back to Shepard. "This is the Spy right? Wow, you guys really are the real deal. That should really help."

Shepard raised one of his eyebrows this time. "Help with what?"  
>Spy caught on pretty fast. "Oh I understand. Part of ze contract non? To join ze Team, you need us for somezing. Am I right?"<br>Kasumi nodded. "That's it. Bit of a heist, nothing too fancy. Well actually it is quite fancy."

"Well then you can brief Spy all about it. He's all about espionage and sabotage. I'm sure stealing something priceless fits in there somewhere."  
>Kasumi chuckled. "I suppose it would. I'll fill him in Commander."<br>"Welcome aboard Kasumi." Shepard said with finality and walked off. This sort of mission sounded right up Spy's alley. If it was too much, he trusted Spy to come to him if it was too difficult.

Kasumi turned to the Spy. "Well this is a bit of an open place, so if you don't mind I'll be scant on the details. All I can say right now, is that I'm infiltrating the home of a weapons dealer. One named Donovon Hock."

"And what is ze target? Jewels? A secret wall safe? Indecent photos of himself?"  
>Kasumi laughed at that last one. "Nothing so bland no. He has my partner's graybox. It's sort of a memory storage device. I intend to get it back. Hock has a party planned, so I feel that will be the best time to infiltrate his home."<br>"Mmmm, zis is starting to sound much like some dramatic spy movie back before I was frozen…"  
>"I suppose it does have a dramatic tone to it, but that's how it is. I'll brief you later…in private." Kasumi teased. She wasn't actually planning anything naughty, but she knew that would keep the Spy interested.<br>"I await with bated breath mademoiselle."

…Citadel, Various Floors…

Team Fortress had of taken to the whole future thing surprisingly well. The Sniper had gone up a few levels to a shop selling hunting weapons and, from what he heard, under the counter sniper upgrades. While the Sniper felt his current weapon was fine, that didn't mean there wasn't room for improvement. He was in a heated discussion with the Turian shopkeeper, earning glares from various other customers as the line continued to build.

Grunt and the Demoman had gone to one of the lower levels to the Mann Co. Munitions. As they entered, an automated recording played. "I'm Seamus Hale, and this the best store on the Citadel. Anyone who tells ya otherwise is a damn dirty hippy!" They were unable to do much however, as the store was swamped by mercenaries (mostly Krogans) swapping Mann Co weapons, but this did not inconvenience the Demoman much. He turned to Grunt "This here boy is the promised land. Here ye can pay a nominal fee for quality death deliverin' merchandise or if ye feel lucky, ye can trade it away fer something else with one o' the other folk here."

Even as he spoke one such mercenary, a wicked looking Turian with an unnecessary number of spikes on his armor held up a mine laying sticky launcher declaring "Trade for a Strange Solar-Powered Scorcher."

"Oooh, go get that un' fer me!" Demoman said. He shoved a Strange Solar-Powered Scorcher into Grunt's hands and pushed him forward. "Go on laddie, earn some experience in the open market! Do me proud!"

The Medic was visiting a Sirta Foundation shop discussing the finer points of making a more efficient medi gel. Of course, being the Medic, his methods of application was leaving the people in the Foundation very disturbed though he paid no mind to it. The Engineer had wandered into a group of Quarians. They were cautious at first, but the Engineer's fascination with their modded gear eventually warmed them up to him. By the end of the day, he had increased heat dump of his sentry to allow it to fire for an even longer duration.  
>The Heavy and Scout were oddly enough in the Dark Star Lounge. They had found themselves in the middle of the dance floor, looking very out of place. The Heavy finally broke the ice. "Want to dance?" Heavy asked as he started doing a simple jig.<p>

"Sure why not." Scout answered back. Probably to show off or maybe to display the muscles Scout believed he had, he took off his shirt and started dancing in a crowd of Asari.

The Pyro…well the Pyro was missing for most of the time and the less that is elaborated the better.

Shepard was of course visiting Anderson and explaining to the Council how the heck a bunch of omni-sim characters were suddenly tearing their way through the Terminus systems, ending with him being reinstated to the Spectres, and at a later point, was secretly given a request by the Turian Councilor to get the Sniper's autograph. It war around that time when Joker called in and told them the Illusive Man wanted to talk. The first thing to do was find Soldier…

…Citadel Mann Co. Warehouse…

Mann Co. commonly made extra money by selling its warehouse space to RED and BLU. The place was sort of a neutral ground for mercenaries from both sides to trade equipment between each other. Of course that didn't stop them from killing each other as well. Any little thing could set off a powder keg that could turn the trading post into an arena. The Soldier stumbled onto such a place. The first thing he did was recoil at the sight of a RED and BLU Heavy comparing shotguns. The next thing he did was pull out his rocket launcher and fired a critted rocket at the two.

…Citadel Zakera Ward…

"What the hell's got C-Sec all worried?" Shepard asked as he approached the blockade. The Officer, a tall intimidating Turian, held up a hand "Step back sir, there is a gang war in progress in the lower levels. We are currently trying to contain the fighting."

"But my shop is down there!" shouted one person.

"That changes nothing." The Turian shouted back. "Until the situation can be resolved, all civilians are to stay out of the lower levels."  
>"No need to worry." Shepard smiled. "Let me in. Let me take my team in there. We can defuse this without the hassle that C-Sec goes through trying to get clear orders from the top."<p>

"Why should I let you in instead of any of those other weirdoes wanting in?" he gestured with his rifle at the crowds of shifty looking Krogans, humans, Asari, and an ill-looking Volus."  
>"Because unlike them, I'm a Spectre. Let me in, and my team will fix your problem. Best part is that with me involved, you don't have to fill out any paperwork. Just call it Spectre business, and you can wash your hands of the situation."<p>

The Turian grinded his mouth plates together; not contemplating the decision, but trying to figure out what the hell 'wash your hands of it' meant. Eventually he gave up on it, and radioed ahead. He gestured to Shepard and the newly re-appointed Council Spectre, alongside his large entourage moved past the blockade to the sound of fighting.

"Commander, why're we getting involved in this?" Miranda muttered. "The Illusive Man does not like to be kept waiting."

"Something tells me if I go to the center of this problem, I'll find Soldier." Shepard replied.

…Citadel Industrial District…

Initially it was just another war between RED and BLU. The fighting however spilled out when a Demoman had accidentally detonated a payload of sticky grenades right under a crate of Mann Co. Baby Formula. Given the volatile nature of all Mann Co. products, it predictably set off a chain reaction with several crates exploding, compounding on each other to generate an explosion that leveled half the warehouse, and spooked many locals. By locals, a more accurate term could be rival mercenaries and gangs who all mistakenly thought someone was making a hit on their respective turf. The end result was RED, BLU, several mercenary bands, and dozens of local gangs all fighting it out with each other in a Battle Royale.  
>This was where Soldier was at his most comfortable.<p>

He fired a rocket at a pocket of BLU scouts exchanging shotgun fire with several very colorful looking humans. Probably their gang colors. It was offensive to his eyes, and he aimed his next rocket at them. Uncouth teenagers with their bad haircuts and their dyed underwear, it was like watching hippies. Hippies tripping on their hippy drugs. Disgusting. An explosion later, and the Soldier made the galaxy a better place. BLU, not noticing the loss of a few scouts, but instead thinking it was a push, redirected many of their forces towards the brightly colored gang members, who were only equipped with barely functioning second hand weapons. They didn't help against the Mann Co. sponsored BLU Heavies who rushed into their main position. As the gang members fell back, they found themselves cornered by Eclipse mercenaries who were in turn fighting a three way battle between RED, Blue Suns, and a different gang made up of Turians and Quarians. Now faced with four enemies, the Eclipse tried to make a push to somewhere safer by going for what they thought was the weakest link in the wall of soldiers. They chose wrong and tried to run headlong into RED. The RED Demomen had a field day with the Eclipse mechs, and the pyros made short work of their operators. The survivors rallied and dug in even deeper to their little patch as RED pushed forward against them and the Blue Suns(whom RED had mistaken as new BLU recruits). With this sudden weakness the Turian/Quarian gangers tried to use the chaos to bring their explosives in to tear the Eclipse apart. None of them noticed the RED and BLU spies, When the sapper teams managed to get into position, the engineers were horrified when their entire 'team' dropped their disguises. Their work done, the spies from the opposite teams noticed each other, complimented their amazing fashion sense, and then got right back to killing each other.

As the elevator door opened, Shepard was greeted to a flying body of a Salarian flopping right in front of him. He armed his gun. "If I was Soldier, where would I be?"

Team Fortress as one all said "Mann Co. Munitions"

Grunt raised a…well his gesture was equivalent to a human raising an eyebrow. "How would you know-"  
>The Demoman guided Grunt's sight to the top of the Mann Co. Munitions store. Right on top was the Soldier, standing next to dozens of crates of rockets. Barely audible over the din of gunfire and explosions was the Soldier shouting as loud as he could. "I am the Judge, Jury and Firing Squad of all you pea shooting, panty wearing maggots! Make this easy on yourselves and stand still! C'mere you cupcakes, drag your butts over here so I can kick those collective asses!"<p>

"Of course. Make for munitions!" Shepard declared.  
>What followed was a great battle where Shepard and his entire team fought towards the Soldier, discipline him for being the Soldier, and another great battle that would have made fighting a legion of geth, collectors, and reaper turned robot husk things look like a grade schoolyard spat between some kids. But due to the sheer awesomeness of said battle, it would have been impossible to accurately portray the sheer glory of the fight and the greatness of Team Shepard, and any attempt to do so would only look stupid, and the author who tried to attempt it would feel stupid. However, what can be said is that thanks to a message over the comms of both RED and BLU, both sides stopped their fighting when it was clear they and Team Shepard were the only combatants still alive. What that message was, both RED and BLU only gave Shepard an ominous reply: "The Tenth will tell you."<p>

Following that, C-Sec came in to clean up the wards, confiscate any working weapons, and disposing of the bodies. Shepard and his team quietly left, more pressing matters calling to their attention.

…_Normandy _CIC Room…

"Commander, what took so long?" The Illusive Man, face still unreadable, had raised his tone to slightly miffed.

"A concern with Team Fortress involving…well Team Fortress issues. I would say 'won't happen again' but I have no way of guaranteeing that."

The Illusive Man blew a puff from his cigarette and waved his hand. "Well what's important is that you are here now. We got something concerning the Collectors just now."  
>Shepard suddenly became much more attentive. "Where?"<p>

"The Human colony of Horizon just went dark. We think the Collectors may be planning to hit them, if not already. If you hurry, you might even be able to save the colony. Does your doctor have a solution to the Seeker Swarms yet?"  
>"Now that you ask, I'll check."<p>

"He'd better, we won't have another chance like this. Get going Shepard." The Illusive Man cut his link and Shepard's image faded from view. He turned and looked at a datapad that was given to him just moments before Shepard spoke with him. Its title was "Mann Co. Confidential: Unauthorized viewers must tear out their eyeballs and surrender them to Mann Co posthaste."

He scrolled down and started to read the urgent message: "The Mann brothers are restless again. Wars between the two are reaching low levels that have only been seen twice before. This indicates most likely that-" the screen blurred, to be replaced with the text "You are not a Mann Co. employee. Please pluck out your own eyes and mail them to Mann Co. Subject: I was being naughty"

This was unsettling. For Mann Co. to employ such security must mean whatever they were covering up was very important. If Mann Co. was worried, then Cerberus had best pay close attention to the issue.

…Jack's Corner…

Jack was punching the wall. "Are you serious?! I missed a fight like that?! Dammit, why did I-" she punched her dent in the wall in frustration again.

The Heavy was impassive. "Why such problem?"

"I'm like you Heavy. I need to kick at least one ass a day or it's a shitty day." She punched her fist into her open palm. "Lemme be honest with you. The reason I am like I am? Cerberus did this to me. They saw a little biotic girl, and figured pain makes the power grow. So they tortured me all my life, pumping me full of god knows what to see if they could make the strongest human biotic." She leaned in. "Well they sure as hell got it. In fact I gave each of those fuckers a personal demonstration." She slunk back to her small bed.

"I'm like you Heavy. I just keep taking it and taking it, and then throw it on anyone who gets in my way." The Heavy shook his head. "No, that not me."

"How is that not like you?" Jack scoffed. "I mean, what else is there? You are a freaking Salarian murder machine. You kill assholes and you're damn good at it. What else is there? What else is there to anything?"

The Heavy sat across Jack and sighed. "I know life is bad. I know that there times when you want killing to be done. When you so angry but the only thing that make you feel good is crushing some puny baby's skull." The Heavy's face turned into a dark scowl as he looked off. Then they softened again. "But cannot let such hatred consume. Turn it instead into drive. Drive to be better than all of them. And when they try to stop you, try to bring you back down, you kill them painfully."

Jack was a little blindsided she admitted to herself. She had spent so much time playing Team Fortress as Heavy, and bonding with that character, she had developed this persona she believed the Heavy to be. One that was just as wild and violent as her. It was to be expected that if she ever did meet her fictional hero that he probably would not be what she expected, but the difference still stunned her.

"This is really touching. In a disturbing sort of way." Heavy spun around to meet the new voice. Only to receive a shock to the face. Somewhere deep inside his brain, a device that was well ahead of its time reactivated, and began a protocol it had long been waiting for.  
>The Heavy screamed as he remembered.<p>

…_Normandy_…

Mordin was staring down the Collector insect specimens. They stared right back. He put on his moustache and growled. The insect retreated from the glass with what might have been a whine. Shepard came in as the Salarian was hastily hiding his moustache.

Shepard dismissed the odd behavior. "Mordin, do you have that countermeasure? We're going into a Collector zone."  
>Mordin looked surprised. Then smiled. "Yes. Do not worry Shepard. Countermeasure made. Just finished in fact. Was testing it on subject now."<p>

Shepard eyed Mordin. "The countermeasure is a fake moustache?"

"Yes; found inspiration from previous Moustache grooming project. Made surprising amount of headway during that period. Remembered failed trial that caused repellant. Took notes. Reapplied procedure. Now have Collector Swarm repellant facial hair." Mordin said with a mischievous grin.

Shepard gave up trying to figure out why something so ridiculous came up. With Team Fortress this is relatively sane. "Just…be ready to deploy it on my team the moment we land."

EDI's voice chimed in, klaxons blaring. "Shepard, a stowaway has been detected in the lower levels."

"What?!" Shepard exclaimed. "How did you not find this until now?"

"The stowaway was cloaking itself until now. Much like the Spy, I could not detect him until he deactivated it."

"Which level is he on?"  
>"Cargo Bay. Team Fortress has been incapacitated."<p>

…Cargo Bay…

The stowaway coughed up a bit of blood. He wiped it off on a sleeve before Jack flung him into the Hammerhead. "Ooh that one hurt a bit. Can you please stop so I can explain-" he was cut off as Jack punched him in the stomach.

"I'm gonna rip out your guts and show em to you!" Jack was pissed. Not exactly clear why, but she knew she was pissed.

"JACK! Stand down!" Shepard grasped Jack's wrist just as she was about to warp this guy's insides.  
>The man, stood up shakily and cleaned the blood from his nose and mouth with a kerchief. He held his left arm up on which he hung his umbrella. The man was slightly taller than the Spy, sporting a similar suit, but with white gloves covering his hands. He had the bud of a moustache growing under his rounded nose, all placed center on a box shaped head. He smiled as he made a slight nod of thanks to Commander Shepard. "Thank you commander."<br>"I just don't want you dead, but if I don't hear a decent answer from you, I'll turn you over to the Krogan." Shepard glared, pointing to Grunt behind him, who was smirking and cracking his knuckles.

The man waved his hand. "You wound me Shepard. I was originally intending to complete my job on the Citadel, but then the Soldier started that whole fight in the lower levels and I could not reach any of you. I stowed away to complete a mission as requested by a certain woman whom you've already met." He said in a smooth calm voice.  
>"What mission? To wipe out my team? To take Team Fortress back?"<br>The man laughed a low silky laugh. "Oh no, no, no. Nothing so dramatic. No I was originally assigned to protect them. Until I received a rather urgent message from…Her." He paused a moment before trying to say the Administrator's name, failing to and simply calling her, Her.  
>"Which was what?" Shepard pressed.<p>

"Make them remember."

This was starting to make sense. The Spy had theories that portions of their minds were wiped. The stranger only confirmed them. But that lead to another question. "Remember what?"  
>"I believe they can tell you themselves."<p>

"Da. We can tell them." Every eye turned on the assembled Team Fortress, all conscious, groggy, and somewhat fine save for the grim faces.

…Some 180-ish years ago…

Before Team Fortress was frozen, they were used by RED to fight on one of the many fronts where RED was losing to BLU. The Primes were the best, making short work of any clones. That changed one fateful day with the emergence of the third Mann brother…

Suddenly Team Fortress found itself fighting alongside it's clones of RED and BLU fighting legions of robots. So many robots. However Gray Mann underestimated Team Fortress, as he did the machines that supported Blutarch and Redmond Mann.

…At the Alamo in the Past…

The heavy doors slammed shut as Gray Mann wiped the blood of his kin off his knife. Part of the plan was done. Now it was time to enact the next step. He grinned evilly as he set off.

What he did not know was that the machines that he thought were worthless pieces of junk, suddenly surged to life, working overtime to patch the fatal wounds inflicted on the two Mann brothers. Their neck wounds sealed, and their eyes glowed as an ungodly surge of power flowed through their bodies, kick starting the brains, and other organs. Both brothers screamed as they were wrenched from the afterlife…again.

They stared at each other for one second before turning away. Each one was thinking the same thing: _Who was that fellow? An assassin obviously, but who would send him. Maybe…no. But, then again, maybe those heartfelt letters were a lure. Maybe this was all a ploy to get me here! Yes! That must be it! My idiot brother sought to destroy me not with armies, but with a hired killer! Oh, you may have been clever this time but you are still an ignoramus my stupid brother! I know this scheme. I know what you did.  
><em>As one the two brothers turned on each other and shouted. "I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE UP TO! YOU WILL NOT WIN! THERE WILL BE NO TRUCE! SCREW YOU, AND SCREW YOUR STUPID PREGNANCY MACHINE!"

…Several Battles with Robots Later…

Just as the toadies and record keepers of both RED and BLU finally finished the paperwork to give ownership of both companies to Gray Mann, news arrived that the two brothers were still alive, and very angry. Thus began a tedious, year-long process of filling out the long forms of "Just Kidding" papers.

Gray Mann was furious. Control was wrested from him and the fortune he had built up was spent fighting mercenaries and powering his robots(in hindsight fueling robots with money was a very stupid idea). He was forced to go into hiding.

The two brothers retook their respective places in control of each company. Each brother blamed each other for the Alamo incident and reignited the war between RED and BLU. The Administrator saw how close she was to losing Team Fortress and decided to find a way to preserve those mercenaries. Thus she enacted her own plan. To ensure Team Fortress would not accidentally tell anyone about the fact they had saved humanity from Robot Overlords for the seventh time (and Zombie Apocalypse for the ninth), she had their memories locked away in what would later be the precursor to the gray box. Following that, she improved the cloning program to bring the clones to a closer level to the prime Team Fortress members. Then she realized that was wasteful and stupid. She scrapped that plan and enacted the backup plan of duping Team Fortress with food and putting them on ice for as long as needed. How long she left blank because she was distracted by a lack of cigarettes. The plan was enacted, though never finished because the Administrator forgot to finish the thing.

Then all that stuff that already was shown happened.

…_Normandy_ Present Day…

Shepard was silent as the Heavy finished recalling their memories. "Robot Overlords."  
>"Yeah. Sounds farfetched I know-" Engineer began.<p>

"No, you're Team Fortress, for you that is just barely reasonable from what I've seen with stuff involving you. Well this leads to another question." He turned back to the man with the umbrella who had stood attentively still until that moment. "You."

"Please. Call me the Civilian."

"The Civilian? Not the Commando, or super-spy or the mastermind or some other code name just the-never mind!" Shepard waved his hands. "Why now? Why make them remember?"

"Because I would not need to explain so much when I deliver Her message." The Civilian cleared his throat. "Ahem: 'Gray is Back.'"  
>Team Fortress gave a collective groan. "This is not being very surprising…" Heavy muttered. Though it was exhilarating fighting robots, it slowly wore on his nerves, as well as the nerves of his comrades, fighting the same soulless machine again and again that did not care for itself and just kept coming until his gun clicked empty. And still they kept coming. He shivered remembering that dark hour when he was left to fighting back a legion of robots of himself with his bare fists. "Gray baby never fought unless he knewings he could win."<p>

"This is a concerning matter, but we have something more pressing. We have a colony being attacked on Horizon that needs us right now."  
>"Well Commander Shepard then it seems our goals are in tandem. You see, I was not finished with my message. It continues: Gray is confirmed to be consorting with Collectors."<p> 


	11. Now Loading: TC Horizon

**I'm running out of material. Hopefully TF2 gets another update for inspiration or something. **

11

…Horizon…

It was eerily quiet. Save for the constant buzz of insect wings as swarms of artificial collector insects flittered throughout the bones of the colony, searching for any human they may have missed. A few noticed movement, and they homed in on it, dropping altitude unnaturally fast. They stopped. Their tiny minds were unable to comprehend what it was. But there was some sort of majesty to these humans their miniscule, very simple brains were unable to process. They resumed their course, intent on delivering their paralyzing payload. They never stood a chance. The majesty of the moustaches caused them to spontaneously combust, becoming tiny balls of flame that plummeted earthward, only to dissipate into so much ash before even hitting the ground.

Zaeed coughed when a bit of that ash flew into his mouth. "Looks like the field test is a success."

"Why did they burst into flame though?" Shepard asked.

Mordin furrowed his brow as he tried to come up with an appropriate answer. He eventually gave up, and gave Shepard the only answer he had: "Don't know."

Shepard, Mordin, Zaeed, and the Engineer continued forward. Shepard called in to the other teams.

"Jacob checking in. Our team is progressing without detection. Don't worry Shepard, we're keeping a close eye on the Civilian, so far he hasn't tried anything. Scout's been scouting ahead, no pun intended, but so far no signs of the enemy. Just bodies."

"You actually found bodies?" Shepard asked. "Maybe this wasn't a Collector attack…"

"In a vay." The medic chimed in. "Der bodies are still very much alive, but dey seem to be in a state of near frozen stasis. They are still very much avare of deir surroundings I have found. Deir eyes follow me around."

"Well that matches with what we know." Shepard recalled the security vids of a previous Collector attack. Everything seemed to match. This was indeed an abduction, but where were the abductors? An explosion sounded in the distance. "Demoman, what's going on?"

"We ran into a whole bloody squad of the Collectors and taking some serious fire. Nothin we can't handle, but I can see some of them headin yer way." He heard the battlecry of Grunt in the background and the screeching of bending metal. He could only imagine what the Krogan was doing.

"Thanks for the head's up. Shepard out." He looked up and saw the first of the insectoids slowly hovering towards them. Engineer sighed. "Finally I can put this darn thing down." He set down his metal box and it quickly assembled itself into a sentry. A few moments later, it was fully unfurled and aimed directly for the Collectors. Bits of carapace and burning weaponry rained down on the squad, but the attack was over before it could even begin properly. Shepard wiped off a bit of ichor that smeared onto his armor. "Um, good job Engineer. Other squads check in."

"Garrus here Commander. Our squad ran into some Collectors on the south side of the colony. Pyro made short work of them. If you smell something real bad in the wind, that's why."

"Demoman here. Collectors have dun been takin' care of. We're moving tae the warehouse- wait."

"What?"  
>"Ah bloody hell! MORE INCOMIN'! BUGS N' BUCKETS!" Demoman shouted.<p>

The Civilian interjected. "I see them, a whole horde of the bastards are running towards Demoman's team."

"Demoman, do you need any backup?"

"Nae, we got these buggers, but looks like Civilian was right. Gray's working fer the Collecters alright. 'Sides, I think Solly's got this handled."

"Solly?"

…Horizon Western Blocks…

The Soldier shrieked at the top of his lungs, waving his shovel menacingly before beginning a bezerker charge right at a DemoRobo. He hurled his shovel at the bot, shorting outs its visual receptor unit before putting it out with a point blank shotgun blast.

"To the left!" Demoman warned.  
>Soldier pulled out his rocket launcher and blasted a collector just as it was leveling its rifle at him.<p>

"Maggot!" Soldier shouted. He didn't even stay to watch the bits of collector splatter the wall. He instead focused on reloading his rocket launcher and joined the charge towards the warehouse.  
>"Nice shot!" Miranda complimented as she followed after Soldier. She ducked into cover as a stray shot grazed her shields. She ducked down next to Spy, much to her displeasure.<p>

The Heavy broke cover as the Soldier fired another shot. "Go, go, go!" he encouraged as he revved up his gun. He revved up his gun and fired directly into a throng of Collectors and the Mecha-Scouts around them.

"Sentry ahead!" Spy warned. The Soldier slowed to allow the Spy to toss his sapper into the Mecha-Engineer's sentry.  
>"Executing expletive: Dammit! Dammit! Dammit!" it shouted before being blown back by Soldier's rocket jump. The Soldier let the blast carry him to the roof of a living block, giving him a nice view of a nest of Heavybots and Collectors returning fire towards RED Heavy. Without even stopping, he fired his last rocket into their midst, destroying the lot of them and pulling his shovel back out. Just as he had it out, he heard the familiar sound of an uncloaking spy and swung full force into the face of a Spybot. The robot saboteur's head was ripped off its chassis and landed next to Heavy's foot. The large man picked it up and smiled evilly.<p>

"Query: Why are you smiling fat man?" The Spybot asked in its metallic voice. Heavy didn't answer, just opened his weapon's metal compartment and shoved he screaming head in, smiling even more evil somehow as he heard the screaming give way to the sound of grinding metal.

The Soldier, standing in what might have been the colony's town square, fiddled with the shovel in his hand as he looked about uneasily. "Why am I getting the weirdest feeling of déjà vu?"

"Must be sumthin' ye ate." Demoman shrugged as he reloaded his grenade launcher.

The team gathered round the body of the Mecha-Engineer, the only robot still intact. The Heavy turned it over and wrenched open its back. She heard the faint whine of servos moving. "The Robot Engineer is still active!" She was ready to warp the thing into an unrecognizable block of metal when its frame exploded with orange light. Its ocular lenses cracked, its metal torso warped as if under great duress from within, and arcs of energy escaped through every crack.

"ASSUMIN' DIRECT CONTROL!" Its voice cracked as the southern inflection was almost drowned by a loud modulation. It turned its glowing orange, sentient eyes on Miranda. "AH DANG IT. Y'ALL AIN'T SHEPARD."

Miranda focused her biotics on it, but the supercharged robot shrugged it off. With a wave of its hand, it sent a force of 'something' at her, and Miranda ducked back into cover. The Soldier did a repeat of his previous tactic, hurling his shovel at it while he pulled out his shotgun. The shovel was batted aside and the shotgun rounds barely affected it. The robot's head turned in Soldier's direction, grabbing the remains of a large farming vehicle and hurling it at the Soldier. The Soldier jumped out of the way just barely, a harvesting blade slicing into his arm. With its focus on the Soldier, the super charged Mecha-Engineer was blindsided by the Heavy's barrage. Bits of the Spybot's head flying into the super Engy at lethal speeds. The Spy followed this distraction by throwing another sapper at bot. Its limbs protested as the sapper interrupted communication between its limbs and the central core of the bot. It simply watched as the Soldier came out of cover, a scowl on his face. The crit rocket he fired went straight into one of its many openings. Something essential inside was destroyed and the energy emanating from its core started surged out of control. The excess power started eating away at its body; and even as its limbs began to disintegrate, its eyes never left the Soldier. The deep voice spoke again.

"DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT. PERSONALITY MATRIX OVERRIDE. RELEASING CONTROL." It said before the Mecha-Engineer disintegrated.

Soldier dropped his launcher and hissed as he suddenly remembered how much his arm hurt. "Never seen a robot do that before."

"No. Do robots in future do things like that a lot?" Heavy asked Miranda. She shook her head.

"No. Never seen an AI act like that before.

"So either Gray gave his robots a serious upgrade, or those uh collecting guys tampered with them." Soldier pondered.

"But what little we've seen of the Collectors doesn't match with this level of technology." Miranda countered. She sifted through the ash and crushed it between her fingers. "Metal doesn't leave this sort of residue, even if exposed to extreme temperatures. These mechs were just as much…organic as synthetic."

…Shepard's Position…

"Say again?" Shepard tapped his comm.

"Shepard, the robots. I think they're organic."

A wave of energy splashed against the crates Shepard was using for cover. The Abomination that at one time was a human groaned as it readjusted its aim.

"A little busy here Miranda!" Shepard jumped to another set of crates. His previous cover was blasted apart by the monster's next shot. The Abomination, a grotesque mix of multiple husks, moaned in frustration, and readjusted again. It never got the chance to fire again, as the Engineer's Sentry finished setting up. It beeped twice before delivering a payload of missiles at the twisted husk. It exploded into a mess of papery skin and goop. The Collectors that were using it as cover immediately moved away. The sentry now keeping the aliens in cover, Mordin and Zaeed flanked them on either side. The Collectors didn't even stand a chance when Zaeed threw a grenade into their group. Those that noticed tried to dive away, only to be hit with a superheated blast from Mordin.

"Now what were you saying?" Shepard asked Miranda.

"The Gray Bots. They seem to have organic components in them."  
>"What makes you come to that conclusion?"<p>

"Their remains Shepard. I'm looking at the remains of the other bots, and I'm finding some parts that are made of flesh. It's…disturbing."

"Yeah, these are definitely upgrades." Soldier cut in. "I blew apart enough of these sons of a son of a bitch plenty years ago, and never saw any of this stuff inside em. For one thing, their heads were filled with wires and junk. This Scout bot is a mix of circuit boards and nerve clusters."

Well this was an unsettling turn. A mix of synthetic and biological components to make a machine was something that was only written as theory. No one could actually do it. Except the Reapers. He switched his comm to Jacob's frequency. "Did the Civilian pick all that up Jacob?"

"Yeah. This sounds like something you should be reportin' back to your Administrator for. While you're at it, tell her to back off. This situation got a whole lot worse, and we need Team Fortress much more than whatever pet project she's got planned for them."

"Was I that transparent?" The Civilian asked, not even skipping a beat knowing he had been caught. "Oh fine. I'll tell her to back away. Well my job is done here. Good day."

"Wait!" Jacob shouted. A loud bang echoed through the comm net.  
>"Jacob! You alright? What happened?!"<p>

…Jacob's Position…

Jacob's ears were ringing. There was a nagging sensation in his ear that he could not quite remember. The disorientation was drowning any ability to form a thought. Slowly though the blinding whiteness faded, and the ringing dulled to a minor note and Jacob could hear Shepard frantically calling him. He blinked the last of the whiteness away and pushed his comm.

"I'm alright commander. Just some kind of flashbang." He scanned his surroundings. Everyone was in various states of blindness but otherwise present and unharmed. All save for the Civilian. "He got away though sir…"

A loud crash. Jack was working her frustration on the bodies of some recently dispatched husks by tossing them again and again into farming equipment.

A brief silence. "It's alright. We have a colony to save. We'll worry about him later"

…Garrus' team…

A shot rang out. A fist sized hole was made in a husk's head. Another shot. The round went through the new hole and into the Collector behind it.

"Oh you are immolated today." Garrus said. The Sniper winced at the butchery of the slang. "Then again so am I." the Turian quickly added, taking out a Collector as it poked its head from behind a hab building.

"Still wet behind the ears in my opinion." Sniper jabbed. It was a low blow, and it worked, Garrus' aim went off, and hi next shot went wide. The Sniper bot he was aiming at didn't fall, only having an arm blown off. It struggled to handle the rifle with only one arm to no avail, and its shots went way off target.

With the Sniper dealt with, Grunt left cover and closed the distance between himself and the enemy. He let loose with his shotgun, blasting two husks, and bowling into a Collector. With brute force, he gripped the bug like creature's head and pulled it right off. He threw it onto the ground with a wet thunk, roaring his victory. The Sniper bot made to retreat only for it to spasm.

"ASSUMIN' DIRECT CONTROL. AH BUGGER, SPEECH PATTERN OVERRIDE FAILED." It said. Out of the metal stump that was once its arm sprang out a limb of orange flesh tangled with scraps of metal. Its ocular sense glowed an unearthly yellow and its chassis expanded and cracked; and worst of all, its hat fell off.

The possessed Sniper bot focused on to Grunt and hurled a ball of energy straight at him. Grunt was knocked over, taking the blast full on. The Krogan just scratched the impact site on his forehead, and charged at the machine. Blasting point blank, the Sniper bot recoiled slightly but countered with a tech-enhanced punch to Grunt's side. Grunt actually felt that one. He shouted in frustration as his shotgun clicked empty, instead turning it around and swung with all his might at the robot. The Sniper bot caught it in both its hands and was locked in with him.

With the two of them finally still, Garrus zoomed in on the Sniper Bot's head and fired. As did the Sniper. The two combined shots were enough to send even the supercharged bot's head flying off.  
>"AH PISS. RELEASIN' CONTROL."<p>

Sniper flicked his glasses down. "I do NOT sound like that."

Garrus holstered his rifle and made his way to a large gate with no discernible way past. He called in to Shepard. "This is Garrus, we just ran into another one of those superbots Miranda's team ran into. We're nearing the objective."

…Shepard's Group…

"Acknowledged. Hold position until the other teams reach theirs," he cut the connection and refocused on his current task. The lock on this warehouse was surprisingly complex for a colony. Or anything for that matter. Oh if only he could just slap a wad of omnigel and bypass it… He ducked as a stray shot came too close to him.  
>"Things getting too hot?" Shepard asked his team.<br>Engineer swiveled about on his Sentry and fired a volley of missiles at the latest wave of husks while Mordin focused on the Collectors.

"No problems at all Shepard. Y'all just get back to yer lockpickin'," No sooner did he say that then on of the Collectors start shaking as the same force that took over the other two robots worked itself into the Collector.  
>"WE ARE ASSUMING CONTROL OF THI-"<p>

Anything it would have said was cut off by several salvoes of missiles and large caliber shots tearing the body part before the mysterious force even finished.

"THIS IS NOT OVER SHEPARD."

Just then Shepard finished cracking the door, forcing it open. He turned to his team. "Someone call my name?"

"No one important." Engineer waved his hand as he tried to dismount his sentry.

"Then no reason to stay here." Shepard brushed the dust off his knees and pulled out his gun.

…Jacob's Team…

"AUF WIERDERSEHEN! DUMMKOPFS!" Medic yelled as he deployed his ubercharge. Even with the charge, the medic was still winded trying to keep up with the scout. The teenage didn't seem to notice, weaving between a line of Collector emplacements. He ran between them, letting the Collectors fire into themselves. All but one of the Collector defense was killed by friendly fire, the last of them receiving a shotgun under whatever equivalent it had for a chin.

At least it would have been had the Scout and his following Medic not been blown back by the sudden explosion of energy emanating from the biotic Collector.

"I WILL DIRECT THIS PERSONALLY." It said as its carapace split open.

"Uh no." Scout retorted. Jack launched a biotic attack, grounding the possessed alien. Jacob joined in with a tech attack. The Collector turned its attention on the tattooed girl, closing the distance with alarming speed and getting into melee range. Jack pushed it back with her biotics, launching it back towards the Scout.  
>"Hey chucklenuts, what do all you bugs have in common?" Scout asked. The Collector turned its blazing eyes on him.<p>

"HUMAN. VIABLE POSSIBILITY. IMM-"  
>"BAM!" The Scout yelled and jammed his bat into the split into its head. "Correct answer was 'Yer all SPLAT!'" He laughed at his not-so-good joke as he gave it a full blast from his shotgun.<p>

"THIS IS STARTING TO ANNOY US."

…Shepard's Group…

"Hands where I can see them," Shepard pointed his submachine gun in the direction of a pile of crates. Mordin and Zaeed saw the slight movement and aimed their weapons as well. Engineer was clambering back onto his sentry.

"No weapons! No weapons," the man peeked out of his cover, arms in the air to show his lack of armaments. He was a disheveled looking man, with a developing beard not doing a good job of hiding his developing jowls, and a white grimy hat to cover his balding head. Alongside it, he was wearing a worn worksuit covered in dirt and oil stains. He was the spitting image of mechanic. Or a bum. He tipped his hat up to get a better look at Shepard. "You guys with that Alliance toady?"

"Alliance what?" Engineer asked.

"He's referring to Ashley." Shepard replied.

"Yeah. Yeah that's the one," Bum-Mechanic nodded. "She came here couple a days ago. Claimed to be part of some Alliance reach out program bringin us a big honking planetary defense gun, but no means of powering it. Typical Alliance."  
>"Sounds more like an Engineerin' problem then one of political affiliation. Lucky fer you I'm quite skilled in that there department. If I was to take a look at it, I'd bet you dollars to donuts I'd find a way to get that thing powered up with what you got."<p>

"That's the thing, we tried that. It drew on too much power, shutting the whole grid down, and then crapping out. Just our luck 'cause right as it did that huge ship came down and started farting bugs all over," Bum-Mechanic groaned. The Engineer just laughed.

"Well that's good; already you isolated the problem fer me. If any o' my degrees are worth spit in this time, I'll just take a look at yer system and I'll get it all up and running at peak efficiency."

Shepard nodded. "We can do that. Though we will still need EDI to recalibrate its targeting systems to identify the Collectors as hostile."

Bum-Mechanic turned to the Engineer and eyed him. "What the-hey. Why are you dressed up like the Engineer?"

"We gonna do this with everyone we meet?" Engineer asked rhetorically.

Bum-Mechanic nodded. "Yeah, yeah I remember playin' that class. Best one of the bunch. Don't have to move much; just have to let the sentry do the work. That's my kinda work. Certainly could have used a sentry here a couple hours ago lemme tell ya."  
>"Well good thing I got one," Engineer smiled as he patted his machine.<p>

"I used to play TeeEff all the time. Till I came to this colony. Almost no one here plays it. Only a couple of them did, and I gotta say they all sucked. Almost nothing but Heavies. And they all wonder why I kill them all the time. Hello?" he waved his hand in the air. "I have a freaking sentry here! It's not hacking, it's a sentry! Man those guys were dumb."

"He seems pretty calm for someone whose colony was just attacked by Collectors." Shepard raised an eyebrow.

"Possibly post-traumatic stress syndrome," Mordin offered. "Mind trying to cope with stressful event; intentionally distracting self to minimize psychological damage."

"Ah yeah, I had moments like that. Like this one time-" Engineer stopped himself as he realized no one was listening.

Shepard rubbed the back of his neck. "Our objective is that gun you mentioned anyway. So we'll get going. Be sure to seal the door behind us. Don't worry, we'll take care of these Collectors," Shepard reassured the recovering Bum-Mechanic.

"Yeah. Sure," he moved to the side to let them pass. Just as the doors closed, the coin dropped. "Wait, those things are Collec-"the door hissed shut as the locks re-engaged.

…Miranda's Team…

"ASSUMING DIRECT CONTR-"

"NO!"

"ASSUMING-"

"NO!"

"ASSU-"

"NO!"

"A-"

"NO!"

The Heavy's weapon overheated a while ago; and had thus resorted to using his shotgun while his precious gun cooled. It painted an odd picture, him running up to Collectors and their lackeys, blasting them away with a shotgun that could barely accommodate his pinky finger. The thing that had dogged so many of the teams before was hard-pressed to possess a body before the Heavy reduced it to chunks with the Mann Co. Pulper (Overkill is Overrated –Seamus Hale).  
>"Little Collector Bugs like leetle cockroaches. They never stop with the coming and the dying!" he complained. "Victoria is getting too tired to keep killing roach babies!"<p>

A Collector Assassin had the Heavy lined up in his sights. The destruction of his tower threw off his aim, and the shot went into the Heavy's shoulder. "  
>The Heavy shouted in pain as he lost control in his arm. "MEDIC!" he cried before realizing the Medic wasn't there. "Girl-Wearing-Too-Tight-Tights! I need the healing!" he called out to Miranda.<p>

Miranda gripped her forehead, slowly counting backwards from ten. "First. My name is Miranda. Second, you have a medi-gel compartment; it came with your omni-tool. Use it."

The Heavy stared at her blankly then started waving his arm, trying to bring up his omni-tool's interface. The Demoman rolled his eye, grabbed the large man's arm, and bought up the interface. A few quick taps and a medigel compartment opened up. The Heavy eyed the goop questioningly and slapped it into his arm wound. He grimaced as it stained his shirt.

"Oh grow up," Miranda dismissed the Heavy's complaints before he could even voice them. "You can't rely on the Medic all the time."

The Heavy merely grunted as control returned to his arm. He holstered his shotgun and ripped open the door to their objective.

It was a field littered with lines, cords, and cargo crates in various states of fullness. In the middle was a control panel for the large Orbital Defense Gun located not too far away. The other teams were already there, setting up defenses while the Engineer was fiddling with the wires underneath the panel. Every now and then there would be sparks flying and the Engineer would pop back up, patting out a spark on his clothes. EDI chimed in on the teams' comm net. "The fluctuating power seems to be attracting the Collectors. Their readings are converging on your location."  
>"Dig yourselves in people.<p>

"Heh. Reminds me of my high school years. Like this one time with me and my buddy Ellis..."  
>"Engy, can you focus on your work?"<p>

"…buncha guys got together all drunk and stinkin' to high heaven…

"Hardhat, get those defenses up will ya?" Scout called out. He switched to his pistol as the range kept his shotgun from being effective.

Squad strength groups of Collectors swooped down from the skies, raining fire on the entire team, and rushing into cover the moment they touched down.

"…still not sure how them Duke boys got the car on fire…"  
>"Engy! Focus!" Shepard commanded.<p>

He ducked as one of the Collectors blasted a focused beam of energy at him. The Spy uncloaked to backstab the Collector, but then Kasumi materialized beside him and delivered a hit with the butt of her gun. "Beat ya to it," she teased and disappeared.

The Spy harrumphed and delivered a shot to the head of its neighboring Collector just as it turned around before cloaking in a cloud of smoke.

"…then that whole dang zombie uprising, and Ellis got this idea in his head to grab a shotgun and…"

"Laborer, hurry it up." Spy commanded.

A grotesque metal monster made of multiple husks flew straight from the landed Collector ship, dropping a teleporter as it landed. Almost instantly, the teleporter assembled itself and a group of DemoRobos dropped in. The DemoRobos started lobbing grenades in every direction, confindent in the sheer amount of explosives they were dropping would subdue their targets.  
>"…military bombing was just nuts. You know, that was the only time I was held back a grade. Helluvan explanation I had to make when applyin' for college…"<p>

"Engineer, your team is relying on you to focus on your work." EDI chimed into the Engineer's ear, at a deliberately high volume.

"Jeez, none of ya appreciate a good yarn. Fine. It's done," Engineer groaned. With a final whack of his wrench, the control panel lit up as power flowed into the machine. "S'all yours EDI."

"Adjusting system parameters." EDI said. In moments the large orbital defense gun started swiveling in the direction of the Collector vessel.

"Focus fire on the teleporter, or we'll never see the end of these robots!" Shepard shouted.

"Already done." Spy smirked, disguising himself as a robot (by taking a discard RoboDemo head with its eye poked out and wearing it like a helmet). He weaved his way around the RoboDemos, who did not suspect a thing, and made his way to the teleporter. Dropping a sapper on it, he turned his attention to the Praetorian idly drifting in the air. Its attention was focused completely on Soldier, who was firing rockets and bad language at it.

Taking advantage of its preoccupation, and the fact the DemoRobos still did not notice him, the Spy pulled out a special sapper he had meant to use one that day he finally got fed up with the Engineer…oh well. He activated the Quantum Sapularity(Nothing gets rid of annoyin' machines like a BLACK HOLE! – Seamus Hale) and threw it at the Praetorian. While it did not cause a miniature black hole, it created the environment of an artificial biotic field that tore at the Praetorian from the inside before exploding back out. The Husk-Machine was destroyed from the inside out and dissipated into so much dust.  
>Sensing this weakness, the Medic prepped his second charge that day, and deployed it on the Heavy. No longer threatened by so many bombs, the Heavy got out of cover and gunned down the mechanical sappers with wild abandon. Jack not wanting to be out done joined in. She would bioticaly grab the pipe bombs in midair and hurling them back.<p>

"Expletive comment: Ah bloody hell," would be the last words of the DemoRobos as a combination of minigun flak and their own bombs would tear them apart. The battle in all took ten minutes. Ten, long, painful minutes. In that time, they turned what might have been a stockyard into a battlefield, crates torn open and craters pockmarking the landscape. It was a wonder none of the power lines to the Orbital Gun were cut in the chaos.

EDI chimed in, saying she had completed calibration, and the thundering roar of the Defense guns rang through the colony as it pounded the Collector vessel. The damage was minimal, but it was enough to spark the Collectors to leave. The ship slowly gained momentum as its engines worked overtime to haul its massive form back into space.

Scout leaned on his bat, smirking from ear to ear. "I'd say that's mission accomplished," he said. "Squished some bugs, bonked some bots, saved a colony."

"Not everyone was saved though." Zaeed added bitterly.

"No, but we managed to save some, and that's a damn sight more than the other colonies," Shepard said.

"Shepard?"

Commander Shepard turned to the source of the voice. He broke smiled broadly when he saw who it was. "Ashley! Good to see you!" The somewhat icy look on Ashley face showed that she did not share the feeling.

"Oooh. This has awkward written all over it." Scout murmured. "Say team, why don't we um…"

"Yes, goings is best to be now." Heavy concurred. Team Fortress, as did a majority of the team, slunk away while Ashley chewed out her former Commander.

CIC Room…

"So Commander. Beggin yer pardon fer intruding on yer social life but eh-"  
>"No," Shepard cut the Demoman short. "There was no romantic relation between me and Ashley. I was her commander, and she looked up to me. Especially during the Battle of the Citadel."<p>

"So what's why was she all ticked off? You're alive right? Shouldn't that kinda mean a good thing?" Scout asked. "I mean what, she go to your funeral and now feels awkward about it?"

"Not that, it's…Cerberus. This organization isn't the best group in the galaxy."  
>"We aren't?" Soldier pondered. A group dedicated to furthering only humanity just didn't click to him as being bad.<p>

"Long story Soldier, EDI can fill you in if you need. Shorter version: Cerberus does not agree with the Alliance, and the Alliance doesn't agree with Cerberus. Can we get back on topic here?"  
>Miranda nodded. "Yes, the defense of Horizon, while a success, still leaves us with too many questions. Like how specifically the Collector's choose their strikes, and how do we find them before they can strike again?"<br>Before Team Fortress could offer a wide and weird array of solutions ranging from infiltrating the Collector ranks with costumes made from boxes, to a monkey guided tracking device, EDI butted in.

"Shepard the Illusive Man wishes to speak with you in private."  
>The team shuffled out, most of them grumbling and arguing with each other over the best course of action.<p>

…GRAY MANN Station…

Gray was cut the feed from the last of his robots. It seemed he failed to outlive Team Fortress. The old(?) man gritted his teeth in frustration. A moment of thought, and he decided to try and make contact with his mutual benefactor.

"You seem to have run into Team Fortress."

"…"

"Yes, I have encountered them before. Truly burdensome, their team managed to destroy entire armies of my machines."

"…"

"You aren't serious."

"…"

"I-well. Actually let me think on that."

"…"

"Oh I suppose that is a good plan as any. Though to be honest I would have preferred more disembowelment."

"…"  
>"Yes, yes. Do not worry, my supply of robots is still quite well. Nigh limitless even."<p>

"…"  
>"The modifications are blending in perfectly. They will be as effective as anything you can bring, if not more. Just be sure to uphold our end of the bargain. I expect Mann World to be mine."<p>

…Mann World…

An extremely bored Seamus Hale was trying to see how many pencils his well-trimmed and waxed moustache could hold. He managed to reach thirty when he suddenly was filled with an all-consuming rage against robots. He contacted Bidwell to immediately send up as many battlemechs he could find and set them to 'kill' mode. He reset the pencils so their sharp points faced outwards. With a battlecry, he made for the door, moustache first.

…Beneath Mann World…

"I have confirmed the reports ma'am, and more. It seems the robots have been upgraded. The aliens have assimilated Gray's technology to an astounding degree."

The Administrator blew a puff of smoke, rolling her eyes as Seamus Hale's rampage against his target mechs cause even her isolated room beneath the planet to shake an rumble"And of Team Fortress?" she asked, trying her best to ignore the racket happening on the surface. Her assistant, the ever faithful Miss Paulings turned on a radio, playing some of her favorite tunes.  
>"The robots have proven themselves to still be inferior quality to the mercenaries, ma'am. However to combat Gray, I believe Team Fortress will not be nearly enough. The last deployment against Gray was on Earth, and he could only strike so many places. Now the entire galaxy is his target, and I'm afraid the Team cannot-"<br>"Thank you, I do not need your opinion, only your report." The Administror cut him off. "Resume monitoring Team Fortress, I will contact you when another situation arises."  
>"Of course ma'am." The Civilian politely bowed and cut the connection.<p>

The Administrator took a drag from her cigarette as she thought. "Miss Paulings."

"Yes ma'am?" the spectacled girl asked.

"Send command to the labs to triple the clone output. We're going to war."


	12. Meet the Wizard

'**Why did it take so long to update?' you may ask.**

**I'll answer 'Because reasons.'**

'**That's a stupid excuse' you may say.**

**I'll answer 'Okay, how about boredom, plus trying to figure out how to do this and tie in other tf2 content updates was a royal pain.'**

'**The hell does that mean?' you may ask.**

**I don't know, I'm tired. I really shouldn't try to…damn I forgot what I was gonna write. Screw it, bed.**

12

…Cerberus Station Xanadu…

The Normandy was docked at the secret Cerberus space station orbiting Xanadu, restocking supply and cycling out its old stale air with the somewhat less stale air of the Station. Most of the crew had left as well to stretch their legs and generally relax for a short while. All but a skeleton crew, Shepard and his team remained aboard. The CIC room was packed as Shepard and the rest of his group deliberated on their next course of action following the debriefing Shepard had with the Illusive Man.

"So that is all. He told me to keep expanding the team while his other sources probe around for information."

"Isn't the team a bit big as it is Shepard?" Miranda winced. She was jammed between the Scout and the Spy, two men that she did not want to be squished against.

Shepard nodded. "Granted the team is already sizeable, but the Illusive Man feels that we should expand the teams' abilities."  
>"So where does Illustrator Man want us to go now?" Heavy grumbled.<p>

"Well there are a few spots actually." Shepard replied as he pulled out a dataslate. Tapping a few options then stuffing it in the table, the display in the center changed to a layout of the galaxy. "Specifically he wants us here in Illium for two more, and here on Haestrom for…" he paused.

"For who?" asked Jacob.

"Tali."

"Really?" Garrus said. "First me, than Ashley, now Tali. Whole team's coming back to you eh Commander?" The Soldier audibly hissed through his teeth. Normally he kept himself away from such gatherings, but being forced to be amongst so many people breaching so many military protocols, both real and that he invented, it grated his nerves to near breaking point.

"There a gas leak in this room?" Zaeed asked to no one, digging out an ear.

Shepard eyed Soldier, and the helmeted man closed his lips, though his knuckles were bone white. "Well Ashley made it clear she won't associate with us so long as we're part of Cerberus. Tali, I already ran into once."

"So…I wasn't the first?" Garrus feigned offense.

"Sorry Garrus, can't be number one at everything."

"He should know that." Sniper muttered under his breath. Garrus glared at the Sniper.

"We're tied!" Garrus argued back in a whisper.

"Whatever helps ya sleep at night mate." Sniper shot back.

"Alright, I can see we're all stressed and need some R-N-R. We leave for Haestrom in an hour, but for now you're all dismissed."

The room cleared out a little quickly as Shepard's team left for their respective spots on the ship. Shepard sighed as he stretched his back and made for his quarters.

…Mess Hall…

"Spy, I need you." Kasumi grabbed Spy by his shoulder.

"Oh, well I can understand, I am irresistible. But still mademoiselle, this is so sudden I-"

"Not like that!" Kasumi waved her free hand. "I managed to get you on Hock's guest list. I need us to go now to get everything set up."

Spy nodded slowly. "Understood mademoiselle. I shall prepare immediately."

…Lower Cargo Hold…

"…and then splat!" Jack punched her open palm. "Guy was all over the hall. That's what happened to the last 'team' I was on." Jack jumped down from the table. "Alright, my turn." She walked over to Heavy and playfully slugged his arm. "Y'never told me anything about your time before Team Fortress. Come on, tell me a story of your younger time. You musta had some training to work that gun right? Come on, give me a story, anything."

Heavy sighed. His eyes were distant for a while as he recalled something. "I remember. When I was training. Me and many other boys. All part of program to make soldiers to do the work of Union, that Union could not be seen doing. It was winter. There was sparrow, sitting on fence. Snow falls quietly around me. Without notice, another boy jumps from behind tree, and kills sparrow with throwing knife!" The Heavy said. His voice was somber and his audience, Jack, was listening patiently.

"The boy runs away. Then I pick up sparrow, and I hear his last song, his last breath before digging him tiny grave."

Jack leaned back on her cot. "Shit Heavy, that's…that's definitely not the same kinda story as the one with the Engineer with a wrench in his throat.

"It isn't. It is reminder to me."  
>"Of what?" Jack tilted her head.<p>

Heavy sighed heavily. "To not relish fighting" the Heavy's look darkened. When I fight, I become other man. I see enemies, I see targets. I feel rage, how dare they live! How dare they taunt me with being alive! I feel so much joy as I destroy my enemies and crush them ruthlessly!" Catching himself, the Heavy became somber once more. "But I remember I am just man taking life of other men. I am good at killing, but I am still taking life away. Life that may have been good or bad. What did I take away? What did I stop from happening?" Heavy sighed. "You remind me of me, violent _babonka_. You love to crush enemy, but there is something else. Isn't there?"  
>Jack was silent and looked away. "Remember when I asked for access to Cerberus records?"<p>

"Da…" Heavy waited patiently.

"I finally found that original place. The place where they took me when I was a little girl. It's abandoned now, but the building itself is still there. I-"Jack stopped herself.

"You want visiting there again." Heavy finished for her. Jack shook her head. She paced around Heavy angrily.

"More than that. I want to blow that shithole up! I want to put a big fucking bomb right in the middle, and watch it and everything around it blown to hell and back!" Jack shouted that last part.

"Then we shall go." Heavy nodded and got up.

"What? But what about Shepard and the mission and stuff?" Jack was caught off guard again. She earnestly meant all that she said, but not so soon, not right now. How would she even-

"I will inform Commander. We will deal with unfinished business. You will visit place of past, and conquer it like any other enemy." Heavy stated, as if daring her to challenge him. She could easily but she didn't. She just nodded. As the Heavy made his way to the elevator Jack called out.

"Heavy" the large Russian turned. "Thanks."  
>"You have chance to bury past. Take it." Heavy continued up the stairs and muttered to himself. "Wish I did."<p>

…Shepard's Quarters…

Commander Shepard stood outside his private quarters facing several members of Team Fortress, all looking uneasily at each other. Shepard had a good idea where this was all going so he decided to start with the craziest of them.

"Soldier. Is there something you wanted?"

"I don't think I can come along to Haestrom sir."  
>"Why's that?" Shepard raised an eyebrow.<p>

The Soldier accessed his omnitool and pulled up a file. "Uh. How do I transfer messages and stuff from one to another?"

Shepard tried not to sigh and simply completed the action for him. In a moment, he had the Soldier's inbox on his omnitool with all its messages. All three of them.

"Which one? I hope it isn't the 'Subscribe to Fornax' one…" Shepard grimaced.

"Not that one, the topmost one. Someone from my past is coming back to haunt me…"

Shepard opened the top message. Inside was a small text file:

_Soldier is a stupid poopyhead._

_-M_

"Really? That's it? How does this tell you anything?"

"That there is the handwriting of my old roommate Merasmus."

"There are several things wrong with this. One, your apartment existed some hundred plus years ago. Second, that's not handwriting, that's text print."

"Well that's the font Merasmus liked the most." Soldier argued.

"Merasmus?"

Before Soldier could explain to Shepard that it was the ghost of a warlock that was permanently cursed to a ghostly existence thanks to Soldier's stupidity for burning the man's body when he was astral projecting, Heavy cut in.

"Trusting me Commander, story is long, hard to believes, and will take too much time to explain. All that should be said is this: Soldier made man angry. Man coming for Soldier again. Man associated with Team Fortress."

Shepard nodded. That was enough. Anything involved with Team Fortress meant logic took a water break and hid in the corner.

"I supposed that means you'll need a squad to come along." Soldier shook his head.

"Negative sir. This is something I can deal with alone." Everyone looked at him surprised. "I've dealt with Merasmus enough times to know what makes him tick. I'll just slap his teeth out again and be back in no time."

"Even so, I'm assigning Spy and Heavy to accompany you."

Almost simultaneously, both Spy and Heavy refused.

"Cannot be done. Sorry Commander."

"Zat cannot be done at zis time. My apologies."

Shepard eyed them both. "I assume you also have pressing issues?"  
>Spy spoke up first. "Madam Goto has joined the team under ze conditions zat she receive support for a mission of her own. I was briefed on ze details and I can say that a team consisting of me and her shall be best suited."<p>

Shepard nodded. "I'll ask Miss Goto to verify you understand," he turned to the Heavy. "And you?"

"Jack needs situation resolved."

"Elaborate."

"Jack found base. Base of Cerberus work on Jack. Jack…left ghosts there. Need to kill ghosts."

Shepard mulled it over for a moment. "Where's this base?"

"Pragia." Everyone turned. Jack was leaning by the door, waving a slate in her hand. She tossed it and the slate slid across the table towards Shepard. He picked it up and scanned its contents before nodding. "Still, I don't feel comfortable without you going to a derelict facility without some backup. Take the Engineer with you, he should help. Soldier, I want you to take Miranda and Zaeed. If it's anything like I think it might be, you'll need some extra punch."

Soldier saluted. "Sir, thank you sir!" He made an about face and left the room. Spy followed him out. Shepard then turned to the Heavy. "You'd best take the Medic along. Both of you don't seem to favor medi-gel much…"

Heavy looked away and nodded in agreement. "Never feels correct, placing goop in wounds."

"Well then, dismissed."

…Bekenstein…

The setting sun made for a picturesque landscape Spy noted as the luxury transport ferried him and Kasumi to Hock's manor house. He tugged at the suit he was given. He was very uncomfortable being out of his usual suit. These formal attires of the future chafed like crazy. He turned to Kasumi. "Run my alias by me again."

Kasumi smiled. "Nervous are you?"

"No, ze name is just so hard to remember. It just does not roll of the tongue."

Kasumi shook her head. "You are Solomon Gunn, one of the most prominent gun runners this side of the galaxy. Don't worry, I made sure your 'name' reached the right people. It's the reason why Hock invited you."

"It is?"

"Yes, this party is just another opportunity for him to rub shoulders with some of the richest scumbags in the galaxy, and you are one of the people he really wants to meet."

"How delightful" Spy groaned.

"It's not so bad. You won't even have to talk much with him. Just keep him busy enough for me to scope out his vault. It shouldn't be too long."

"It isn't zat. I am still adjusting to life with zis thing on my wrist." The Spy replied as the omnitool appeared over his arm. "I doubt I can strike much conversation that will set me apart."

"Don't worry too much. Men like Hock have a big ego. Just keep praising him for whatever and he won't even notice."

…Somewhere on Earth …

"Come out Merasmus. I know you're out here." Soldier shouted. He was pacing around the same grassy plain for over an hour. Long enough to where he started wearing away the ground he paced on, forming a dirt circle marking his continuous path. Miranda watched the scene unfold in utter befuddlement while Zaeed stood nearby checking his weapons yet again.

"What are we hoping to achieve here babysitting this crazed idiot?" Miranda asked rhetorically.

"Ah he ain't so bad, point 'im at an enemy and he deals with them better than most mercs I've worked with." Zaeed shrugged.

"That's not the point!" Miranda shot back. "He collects heads, goes through our garbage to make those little 'medals' of his, and I don't think I've ever seen him change out of that uniform…ever."

"Wait, he collects heads?"  
>"What did you think was causing that smell in the cargo hold?"<br>Jacob didn't answer, but he did look a bit uneasy.

"What's he doing now?"

The Soldier had torn up a nearby bush and fashioned a crude, pointed hat out of it. "OOOOH! LOOK AT ME! I'M MERASMUS! I KNOW A WHOLE BUNCH A STUPOID STUFF THAT DOES MAGIC BECAUSE I'M SO STUPID! I CAN'T EVEN KILL ONE GUY BECAUSE I AM SO BAD AT MAGIC! I WISH I WAS AS SMART AND HANDSOME AS SOLDIER!"

**SILENCE! FOOLISH MORTAL YOU WILL REGRET THE DAY YOU ENRAGED MERA-oh hello Soldier.**

Miranda was up, her biotics concentrated in one hand, and gun primed in the other. She tried to pinpoint the origin of that voice. "Jacob, can you locate the source?"  
>"No, it's like it came from everywhere at once."<br>"Merasmus you coward! You think you can just challenge me and get away with it?! Come out and fight me like a ghost!"  
><strong>Soldier I didn't summon you here to fight. I knew that was the only way to get your attention because you see, I've been meditating on the flow of the cosmos and-<br>**

Soldiers face contorted in disgust, bush-hat dropping a few leaves. "Oh god, not only are you a pansy wizard, but you also went full on hippy!"

**No-Soldier I-**

"Soldier! Who are you talking to?" Miranda demanded.

Soldier ignored her. "Merasmus you pajama wearing freak! Manifest your ass for some ghostly ass kicking!"

**Soldier will you listen to me for just a few-**

"I'm gonna slap the magic out of you!"

**THAT DOES IT! **

With a blinding flash, everything changed. As the brightness faded, Jacob blinked twice and saw the silhouette of what might have been scout, blocking the sun.

"Well, well, well. I knew that storm meant something was going down. Literally."

Jacob's eyes adjusted to the light as the shadow stepped forward. It was Scout. "Lemme guess: Solly pissed off a wizard yeah?"

…Haestrom…

"Are you sure you're alright with…that Engie?" Shepard eyed through his helmet. Though the shuttle was vacuum sealed, he did not want to take any chances, and had the entire team suit up for facing a hostile environment. The Engineer was the odd one out. While Mordin opted for a mere facemask, or Grunt with his full helmet, Engineer looked like something out of an antiquated human b-movie. His 'suit' looked like it was made from tinfoil, and he protected his head from the hostile elements with some kind of helmet that looked more like a fishbowl with fake antennae glued to the top.

"Alright with what? The suit? Ah assure you this suit has been tested by me to work in any hazardous environment regardless of conditions. It follows the specs to the one Ah made all them hundreds of years ago exactly."

"You are saying this and not realizing how odd that sounds?"

"Nope." The Engineer smiled. His fishbowl helmet jiggled slightly as he shook his head.

The shuttle doors opened and nothing bad happened. Shepard stepped out and squinted his eyes. Haestrom was really bright, and even in the shade, his eyes still needed to adjust to the extreme brightness.

Engineer stepped out and checked some weird object attached to his suit. "Shepard, sun exposure here's real high. I suggest you stick to the shaded spots."

"Well why aren't you?" Engineer realized that he was exposed in a 'bright spot'. "I told you I tested this suit myself. Can withstand any hostile environment." He let himself feel moment of smug pride before remembering they had a mission. That and everyone was leaving without him. As the shuttle took off, no one notices the movement in the crevices beneath them.

…Bekenstein…

"What is the meaning of zis? Am I not properly dressed for the occasion?" The Spy joked. He was stopped just outside the home of Donovon Hock by his house guards. Though he kept a cool exterior, inside he was wondering if he was already compromised. If so this would probably be one of the most embarrassing moments of his life.

"Sir, this is not a costume party, you do not need the mask." The guard said. She pointed inside to the other guests.

"I would rather I kept zis mask on if you do not mind." Spy returned.

"Why?" she asked suspiciously."

The Spy sighed and slowly removed his mask. All noise suddenly stopped as everyone turned towards the Spy. The guard, and several other party guests gaped at the saboteur's devastating handsomeness. The Spy quickly put his mask back on. "Zat is why."

Kasumi chose this point to turn to Spy. "What is why?"

"Ah-ahm, uh." The guard stammered, her knees suddenly weak.

"Solomon Gunn. My name should be on ze list." The Spy pointed to the guard's slate.

"Oh yes! Haha! I forgot that was there." The guard giggled and tried to hide her face behind it. "Why look at that, Solomon Gunn, right there how'd I not see that before. Welcome, please go right on in, Donovan Hock wants to see you personally." She gushed out in one breath, and moved to one side. Right on cue, Mr. Hock moved away from his conversation with an Asari to extend his hand to the Spy. "Welcome Mister Gunn, I apologize for that earlier slip up. I assure you I can understand why a man wishes his face be hidden. Do not worry, I will make sure it will not happen again."

The Spy gave a curt nod and gave him the best smile he could muster. "I indeed hope so. Neverzeless, I do expect tonight to certainly be memorable."

Donovon returned the smile and went to fetch himself another drink. As soon as he was gone, the Spy reached to his ear said the one thing nagging on his mind.

"What ze hell kind of accent was that?!"  
>"It'll drive you crazy won't it?" Kasumi replied on the other end.<br>"It felt like his accent changed at least t'ree times in one sentence! Was zat some poor attempt at showing off?!"

"You can worry about that later. For now just meet me by his safe room. I need to show you what we're up against.

The Spy obliged, weaving his way through the crowds of partygoers, sycophants and house guards, all the while carrying the charm and smugness that he was expected to carry. The Spy was quick to congratulate himself on another spectacular performance, he rarely got to fool so many people into believing a persona. He genuinely did feel like he was in those spy movies he saw when he was younger. Only much more handsome.

He overheard conversations between several individuals, talking about how to maximize profits for whatever business they were running, and sometimes even taking pleasure knowing they were inflicting misery on lesser fortunate. The Spy thought Redmond and Blutarch would fit right in. Wait no. They wouldn't. But SHE would. The Spy shook himself out of that disturbing thought as he reached his destination. When he was certain no one would miss him, he slithered down the incline towards the expected meeting point. Kasumi de-cloaked just as he arrived. "Hmm, looks like Hock didn't skimp on the defenses. We're gonna have to get a DNA sample of him, a password spoken in his voice and-"

The acrid smell of burning plastic filled the little room as the Spy's sapper worked its magic on the safe's security system. He slapped a paper mask on his face, with a picture of Donovon Hock taped to it. Removing a glove, he proclaimed to Kasumi in Hock's voice "Observe"

He placed his hand on the scanner and the machine chimed its acceptance of the Spy's faux genetic code. Before Kasumi could ask, the Spy put a finger to her lips. "Mann Co. products. I suggest you try zem sometime."

Kasumi shrugged. "Well than shall we?" she asked as the elevator door slid open.

The Spy made a bow. "Ladies first." He held his hand out and made s bit of a spectacle for… no one as she 'guided' Kasumi to the elevator. The thief let herself a slight giggle at the Spy's display.

As the doors closed, neither noticed the cracks in the walls getting progressively bigger.

…Pragia…

"I hate this place already." The Heavy groaned. Mere seconds after stepping out of the shuttle, he was drenched to his underwear by the heavy rain. The unpleasantness was compounded by the very warm atmosphere. This, combined with the moisture of the constant rain, made it feel like he was drinking each breath. Medic was no less better, periodically tilting his medigun over to dump excess water. Jack wasn't fazed. Neither was the Pyro, though no one could tell what the Pyro was thinking.

"I remember this part. There should building here. She pulled back the dense foliage and pointed a light in front of her. Sure enough was an entrance to what may have been a tall building, covered by the dense jungles.

Despite the age, the building interior was still remarkably cooler than the outside. The first thing the Heavy did was sneeze. The result kicked up several layers of dust. Again, the one least affected were Jack and the Pyro.

"Don't remember this room" she remarked as she kicked an empty crate. "Must be where they bought new kids in from. Right in these boxes" she pounded on another. "Most of them were alive."

"_Blya_…"was all the Heavy could manage. A loud crash alerted the entire group. "I thought place was no longer workings." Heavy growled as he switched on his minigun.

"It's supposed to be." Jack armed herself and forced open one of the doors. She found herself in a hallway, alone. She relaxed a bit but remained alert. Something glowing caught her eye and she made for it. It was a console, and it was still barely functioning. Wordlessly, she accessed the data it held. A single audio recording.

'…_Illusive Man requested operation logs again. He's getting impatient."_

'_When we get results, he won't care what we do. But if he does-'_

'_He won't find out.'_

"Peh, Dey can't even maintain order among der ranks. Ve are entrusting mankind's future to dem?" Medic snorted.

"More than that. They hiding something from Illusory Man" Heavy noted.

"Doesn't matter." Jack dismissed. Heavy looked at her with worry. Barely in and already Jack was looking extremely nervous. "This place, and everything it held will soon just be a hole in the ground."

Right of the console was another door. This one opened on its own. "Place still has power after so long?"  
>Jack smiled. "One thing these assholes were good at was building stuff to last" she turned and inhaled deeply. "Ah yeah, now it's all flooding back. I remember this place. I was so close to freedom. Just some half dead guard between me and the exit. He begged for his life."<br>The Heavy eyed a heavily deteriorated skeleton in armor. "Hope it was at least quick."

"Yeah...sure."

A bestial growl alerted the team to a pile of debris that may have once been a barricade. For a moment, there was no noise. Then it sprung out.

…Earth maybe…

"What are you doing here scout?" Miranda demanded. The Scout looked at her like she grew a third arm out of her forehead.

"We met before?"

She stopped herself from entering a full tirade. She looked at his clothing, a bodysuit, with a top hat and a shotgun she never saw the scout handle before. This wasn't the original. This one had to be a clone.

"Never mind. Mistook you for another guy." Scout laughed.

"Heheh, happens more than ya think. 'Specially nowadays. Shame I didn't meet ya first." Scout said slyly. He tried to act like he didn't care as he started flexing his nonexistent muscles. Miranda rolled her eyes. To keep herself from doing something extra harmful, she focused on her omnitool. It failed to update. She accessed it again. It failed to update.

"Why the hell isn't this working?!" Miranda struggled to get her omnitool to work, but it refused to give her a location or any sort of indication of where she was. Jacob shared her annoyance as he had no better luck with his. The Soldier didn't seem to care and simply followed the clone Scout. He held up his hand, trying to puff his chest out as he did so. "Welp, there it is. Castle DeGroot." Scout smirked as he pointed his bat at a…somewhat small looking castle.  
>"Not very imposing is it?" Jacob remarked. The Scout shrugged.<p>

"It's still good at doing what it's supposed to do: Keepin us alive and keepin' the freaks out."

"Us?"

On cue, the heavy iron gates lifted as corny bagpipe music played. Scout plugged his ears. "Does he have to do that every time?"

From the kill pit strode out Demoman. Not their Demoman. This one sported the same sort of body armor the scout wore, though he had a kilt roughly suspended from the utility belt. He smiled as he saw the Scout "Welcome back. What news d'ye bring?"

"Found another bunch" Scout replied waving back. "Solly bought some new guys with him this time."

The Demoman eyed the non-Team Fortress personnel. They still looked like fighting men(and woman), and he called out. "WELCOME TO MY HOME! COME IN A'FORE THE SUN SETS ON THIS CURSED LAND!"

"This is starting to feel like a movie I once watched." Zaeed grunted.

…later that night…

"Time travel?! But that's impossible!" Miranda deadpanned. Team Fortress logic. She kept forgetting to apply Team Fortress logic. The Demoman, well the lead Demoman shook his head. There were many Demomen here, in fact there were many copies of all the Team Fortress members. The feast hall was filled with many Team Fortress clones, noisily eating roasted animal, whose origin couldn't be placed, and gulping down some drink, whose identity was hard to figure.

"Aye, it should be impossible but here it is. Castle Degroot. In present time, this place should be a half eroded pile o' rocks held together by tourism. Instead, the place is fully built like construction just ended yesterday. Anyway, what'd your solly do?"  
>"What do you mean?"<br>Demoman sighed. "We aren't all part of the same team if ye didn't realize" Demoman waved his arm across the room. RED and BLU members were intermingled with each other, and surprisingly not killing each other. "Every time the teams disappeared, they'd send another team. Every team had a Solly in the group. Every Solly dun went and picked a fight with a wizard. Each time that wizard sent us here. It's been a right ol' nightmare."

Miranda's head swam as she tried to absorb this information. Time travel? No one could manage that but according to this guy time travel was discovered, mastered by some old guy yelling random words and waving a big stick. Even when she told herself 'this is Team Fortress' this was way too strange for her. Eventually her mind gave up trying and she assumed a fetal position. Demoman took a swig from his tankard.

"Same thing happens to everybody when they first get here."

Miranda then slugged Soldier. Her Soldier, not one of the clone Soldiers.

"And that too. Though one thing that's happening that hasn't happened before."

Miranda was afraid to ask. But her lips moved automatically. "And that is."  
>The Demoman emptied his tankard before he replied. "The dead walk again."<p> 


	13. Now Loading: MVM HALLOWEEN UPDATE

**Happy Halloween Update! You see what I did the-oh crap I'm a month early.**

**Well Early Halloween update then.**

**Yeah...**

13

… Pragia…

"These aren't native to the planet" Jack poked the body of a varren. Like the rest, it was smoldering from being burned and hacked apart by an over enthusiastic pyro. The moisture luckily kept the flames to a minimum. "What the hell is this doing here? The place was supposed to be abandoned for years now."  
>"Apparently we are not only visitors from past." Heavy grumbled. Jack shook her head.<p>

"No, there is no damn way anyone else survived. I tore my way through this place. I left nobody alive! It was them against me. Them against me…"  
>"Perhaps not all were against you?" Heavy suggested. "Perhaps some trying to hide."<br>"This conjecture is meaningless in der end. Ve vill find our odder visitors vhen ve go deeper inside."

Jack smiled a little too gleefully as she checked her pistol. Heavy placed a meaty hand on her shoulder. "We are still here for Jack. Remembers that." Jack said nothing but instead moved deeper inside.

They encountered little resistance aside from the odd varren, and a few squads of Vorcha. By this point, it was quite obvious that someone else was interested in the facility and it only made Jack more distant. She barely registered the threats they faced, moving through the ruins with single minded determination.

…Bekenstein…

The elevator finally stopped and the doors swung open to reveal a very large chamber. Mostly sculptures and other ancient cultural artifacts that have been 'missing' officially for a long time. One such piece caught his eye.

"How did…?"Spy asked as he pointed to the head of the Statue of Liberty.

"Hock, you bastard!" Kasumi exclaimed with envy. She then looked over to the confused Spy. "Oh right, were frozen back when all that happened. Long story short, bombing destroyed the Statue, all the pieces were recovered EXCEPT the head, which was stolen. That thing floated around the black market for a while until it disappeared from that too. Guess now we know where it went. Is that-it is!" Kasumi practically squealed as she ogled a submachine gun "The gun that killed two presidents!" Kasumi rushed from piece after piece of Hock's illicit collection like a kid in a candy store.

"Madam Goto, what is it I am looking for?"

Kasumi snapped out of her reverie and turned back to the Spy. "Oh. Yes. Gray box. It should be about this size, this thick" she said forming the shape of the device with her hands.

"Well zen, I have found it" Spy smiled as he held up the device in his hands.

"Well done", Hock's amplified voice booming though the chamber. Behind them, an extremely oversized hologram of Hock's head filled the room.  
>"I shud applaud you Mr. Gunn, you made short work o' my defenses. But that dosn't mean"-<p>

"Oh shut up! I can't stand your horrible accent anymore" shouted the Spy. He pulled out his magnum and blasted the projector. "And my name is not Solomon Gunn you half-wit! I AM ZE SPY!"

…Haestrom…

Mordin could not take his eyes off the Engineer's suit. It defied all logic! The man looked like he built it out of kitchen supplies and yet he strutted through sun exposed areas like it was nothing!

"Mordin!" Shepard shouted. Mordin snapped back. They were pinned down by several geth shock troopers with the only relief coming from the Engineer's sentry. He poked his head out of cover and noticed none of the 3 machines noticed him, so he prepared a heat attack. One turned and fired a missile at him and he ducked back into cover. Frustrated, Mordin ran out of cover shouting as loudly as his vocal chords would let him. He delivered a punch straight into the offending geth, the heat enhanced fist turning its head into molten scrap. The other two turned on him just in time to see an angry Salarian dive into them, arms wide. He grabbed both in a chokehold and twisted the metal heads off.

"STOP FIGHTING WITH TOYS AND FIGHT WITH REAL WEAPONS!" Mordin shouted to the heavens. Then he blinked. "Oh dear. Still experiencing residual effects of Australium."

"Can't fault its effectiveness though…" Shepard whistled as he surveyed the damage.  
>"Hey Commander, this thing I built into my suit is picking up some radio chatter down that way." Engineer pointed in the direction his wrist thing indicated. Yes that's what it's being called now. The wrist thing.<br>"It does that now?"

Engineer smiled, his fishbowl helmet bobbing up and down. "Oh yeah, and plenty of other stuff too. Like this life signature. It detects bioelectric signals or organic beings. Just set it to detect things human sized and-oh dang this can't be right." Engineer grunted as he slapped his wrist thing.

"What's wrong?" Shepard asked. He peered over at Engy's wrist thing and saw on its larger screen the three dots signifying him, Mordin, and Engineer; but surrounding them were hundreds if not thousands of blips indicating humanoid life forms.

"This thing can't be right. Maybe it may have to do with interference from the sun, or maybe a stray shot burned the computation engine I put in there or-"  
>"Maybe the thing is over a hundred years old and some parts aren't working anymore…" Shepard butted in. "Doesn't matter, tap into the radio chatter."<p>

Engineer dropped the subject and patched the team into the radio.  
>"…defend Tali'Zorah! Get into – more Geth – ming!"<br>Shepard tapped his comm... "This is Commander Shepard of the Normandy, we're moving to support, send your location."  
>"We're too far outta range to send anything commander, just receive" Engineer looked back down at his wrist thing. "Dammit! Work! There can't be that many!" Shepard rolled his eyes.<p>

"Engy, cut it short, we need to move out." Engineer sighed and clambered back onto his sentry. As the robotic turret walked off, a desiccated hand reached out from the crevice.

…Pragia…

In a large room that may have been the mess hall, they came across another terminal. Jack accessed its files, searching through the corrupt data for anything intact. She found a few video logs and played them. The screen lit up as several faces were facing the viewer. They were records of conferences between the various Cerberus members that ran the facility.

"This is getting problematic" the man on the bottom said. "The war between RED and BLU are getting too close to the facility. There may be collateral damage if one of their damn bombs blows up prematurely."

"Or if the subjects catch a glimpse of them" a scientist nodded. "If they realize there is a war going on outside, they may try to escape. We have already had to deal with several escapees and they did plenty of damage on their own. Imagine the ramifications if those Team Fortress Mercenaries blast a hole in here. Imagine if they run into Subject Zero. "

Brief silence. Then the man in the top right square spoke.

"Do we know why they're here?"

"No, all we know is that their fighting is expanding outwards, with no discernable pattern."

The man in the top right looked away for a moment. "We'll send a request through secure channels. We need to find out what they're doing here. Hopefully we can pull some strings to get them to back off. Failing that, we can try to lure them away with whatever it is the companies are here for."

Jack turned to the Heavy, disbelief in her eyes. "That can't be right. No. I don't remember there being any Team Fortress here on Pragia! No, this…this can't be right!"

The second video was another conference. The same people were there, though slightly more haggard.

"Update on subjects. They are getting restless" the scientist said. He had noticeable bags under his eyes and he spoke softly, as if he was losing his voice. "We have had to hunt down more and more escapees, and increased punishment has done nothing to keep the others in line. Subject Zero is progressing at a satisfactory pace, but initial containment protocols are barely holding. We need more security here or we'll be facing a breach, I assure you."

"That has been noted but the problem still stands. RED and BLU have been unresponsive to all inquiries about their presence on Pragia. As it stands, they have orders to remove any outsiders by any means necessary. We are stretched as it is, there simply isn't anything left to spare right now. Continue the experiments. We still need to see some real progress here people. He can't be stalled forever."

The third video was about to be played but the console was destroyed by a spindly looking Vorcha.  
>"KILL!" it shouted. "YOU MUST ALL DIEEEAGH!" It scratched at the Heavy's hand wrapped firmly around its throat. The Heavy growled at the alien. "You ruining moment."<p>

The unfortunate creature was tossed out the window. Though it was quite a long way down, the dense foliage reduced the impact to mere bruising instead of 'unpleasant stain'. The Vorcha picked itself out of the foliage, howling in frustration. Its cry was cut short as rotted hands pulled it back into the jungle.

…Bekenstein…

"Mr. Gunn is heading for the docking bay, stop him!" Hock practically screamed into the intercom. While the Spy did encounter some resistance, it was surprisingly light. Given how much gunfire he was hearing though, he wasn't the only one Hock's security was facing.

"What am I paying you people for?!"

"There's something else down here sir! We're getting overrun!"

"Someone else is messing with Hock?" Kasumi raised an eyebrow, a pointless gesture being invisible and all.

"It iz not our problem. Hiz problem, our advantage." Spy replied as he materialized behind several security mechs. He slammed his sapper onto one, and the resulting feedback shorted out all its companions.

"I really need to get me one of those." Kasumi smirked, again pointless being invisible.

"You should" Spy replied "Maybe over dinner tonight, we can swap tips."

"Flirt!" she chided, decloaking behind a hapless guard, and knocked him out with the butt of her new gun. The guard no longer a problem, she switched open the blast doors, allowing their exit. What was on the other side though was something no one expected. Light poured into the darkened tunnel, revealing hundreds of glowing lifeless eyes. Scouts, Demomen, Heavies, Snipers, even Spies, dozens of Team Fortress mercenaries…zombified.

"What the hell?!" Kasumi exclaimed.

Spy merely sighed. "Not again…" he pulled out his gun and blasted the nearest zombie. The rest hissed and charged right at him.

Kasumi spun towards Spy. "What again?! What the hell are you talking about?!" she screamed from her security box. She didn't get her response. The Spy managed to down one more of them before the horde overran the Spy in a tide of bodies. She held back the instinct to scream, and vomit as she saw the Spy's arm flail about as it was fought over by the hundreds of walking corpses.

A crack of discharged electricity and the Spy reappeared next to Kasumi. "Merde, I thought I was done with this last Halloween." He closed his pocket watch

"Hal-what does that have to do with anything?!"

"A lot, but we don't have time. Let us move!"  
>The Spy grabbed Kasumi by the wrist and ran past the distracted horde.<p>

…Hock's party…

It wasn't a party anymore. The ground erupted as hundreds of clawed hands broke through the stone and flooring. Team Fortress members, some wielding rusted guns, others holding blades and blunt weapons in a death grip. For a single moment, no one moved. Partygoers stared blankly at the walking corpses; guards didn't even heft their weapons. Then a Heavy stretched its jaw unnaturally wide and howled. Chaos followed after. People practically threw each other at the horde to slow it down as Hock's house guard opened fire. No controlled bursts, just full auto into the throng of bodies. Some fell, some rose back up. The zombies with guns pointed them at the guard and pulled the trigger. Despite being clogged or cracked, the guns still unleashed a deadly payload. Unprotected serving girls and guests were shredded in an instant. Soldiers winced as their armor absorbed the blows but couldn't stop the inertia from bruising them.

Hock watched the massacre in his house unfold with a cold eye. Then he switched off the console and made for his air-pad. He knew that somehow that Gunn fellow was responsible for this. He was going to make the bastard pay.

…Earth Sort Of…

"Zombies? Really?" Miranda said incredulously. The Demoman in front of her took a swig.

"So ye can believe a wizard takin' ye back in time but that same wizard putting unnatural life into the dead is too much eh?" Miranda shook her head.

"I'm still having a hard time believing the time travel bit. Wizards, zombies, flying eyes. This is like something out of a Halloween story."  
>"Funny ye should bring that up" smiled Demoman as he swirled the contents of his tankard. "We put up with this every Halloween."<br>"What?" Jacob raised an eyebrow.

"You heard him!" one of the Scouts yelled out. All eyes turned on him, a Red Scout wearing a napkin over his head, with holes cut out for his eyes.  
>"Why the hell are you wearing that stupid thing?" Zaeed grunted.<p>

"Why the hell are you wearing that super spooky mask?" Another Scout, who had a football helmet with nails driven into it down the middle, asked at almost the same time. The napkin wearing scout turned to both and wagged a finger.

"Cuz I'm about to tell a spooky story, so listen up all you collective nuts of numbness" he clapped his hands, grabbed a candle and held it closely to give his napkin'd face a spooky glow.

"Long ago, the very first Soldier was really stupid" he said in a shaky voice and waving his free arm for effect. "Just. Like. Ours." This received a few laughs around the dining hall, even from the Soldiers. Miranda's Soldier however grimaced.

"One day, the Soldier had a roommate. A stupid roommate. You had to be pretty damn stupid to share rent with the Soldier after all" the scout continued, never once dropping his 'scary' voice. "One Halloween night, the roommate got all pissed off a Soldier because his share of the rent was due for days, and he got real bad candy. Soldier pissed off his roommate so much that he was cursed to fight Monoculus on Halloween night. It really cut into fighting the other Team and everyone suffered from massive salary cuts because of it."

One of the Heavies chimed in. "We know this already Scout."  
>"I didn't" Zaeed said.<p>

"Stop interruptin'! It kills the mood" The ghastly Scout snapped. He waved his hand again and started going "oooooooo" to reset the mood.

"As I was sayin'" he said in his scary voice "The Soldier's roommate pulled a massive stupid and asked Solly to watch over his castle."

"Merasmus had a castle?" Miranda butted in.

"Who the hell's Merasmus?" Zaeed asked.

"The wizard!"  
>"What wizard?"<br>"The one that sent us here?"  
>"We time traveled?"<br>"Yes!"

"Can I continue my story?" Scout meekly asked.

…Haestrom…

"Who are you supposed to be" The Quarian looked at the Engineer's space suit incredulously. A geth shot came too close for comfort and he ducked further into cover.  
>"Not important, you got problems right? I solve problems." Engy replied smirking.<p>

Shepard pulled out his submachine gun and peered over the wall. Several geth were standing between them and the opposite end of a very exposed valley. At the very end was a Colossus, firing a periodic pulse from its main cannon. Shepard ducked back as the blast flew past and made a large hole in the wall beyond. Shepard turned to the Quarian marines, who were reduced to a paltry handful. "Alright, what's the situation…?"  
>"Kal'Reegar sir. We were escorting Tali'Zorah while she gathered data on Haestrom's solar activity. Geth hit us suddenly and really hard. Tali locked herself in over there", Reegar gestured to the other side of the valley "after these bastard slaughtered her guard detail. That door's holding, but we don't know how long."<br>"Right, how many geth?"  
>Kal'Reegar made a few stray shots around his block of stone, only to keep geth attention away from Tali. "At least a score of basic infantry walkers, that wouldn't be so bad if they also didn't have a prime down there. The worst however is that damn walker. Most of our weapons can't even penetrate the armor."<br>"I got that covered, just keep the other geth offa me guys." Engineer smiled, he ran off with his sentry following close behind.

"Okay seriously, who was that?" Reegar asked Shepard. The other Quarians were just as confused, nodding with Reegar.

"Engineer, Team Fortress. Yes that Team Fortress."

"You mean Team Fortress is real?!" Kal'Reegar exclaimed.  
>"What's Team Fortress?" A wounded Quarian asked. His teammates, Kal'Reegar included, looked at him like he had just taken his mask off and grew an extra arm out his face.<p>

"Well you heard him", Reegar declared. He hefted a rocket launcher and fired it into the geth lines. "Keep em off Engy!"

Shepard was starting to wonder how he went so long without hearing about Team Fortress. He dismissed it and emptied his heat clip into one geth, and threw another into the air. It floated into the trajectory of the Pulse shot fired by the Colossus. A brilliant explosion blasted him with a wave of heat and molten metal splattered on the ground.

Mordin jumped over his cover and froze a group of geth. He closed in with an unaffected infantry robot, roughly picked it up and slammed it into the ground, forcing it to let go of its weapon. With his improvised club in hand, she swung the unfortunate geth into his frozen victims and shattered them all in a single swipe. The Geth Prime that was directing the lesser walkers identified Mordin as the primary threat and had the platforms focus on him. Mordin held the limp geth in his hand as a shield as he charged right at the Prime unit. A crazed grin spread across his face and he jumped over several shock troopers.

"BRAVE JUMP!" he yelled for no reason and delivered a punch that reduced the Prime to its base parts. "PROPERTY DAMAAAAAGE!" Mordin declared. He turned to the Shock troopers that temporarily reeled from the void in command.

The Colossus viewed the pandemonium below; the unusually mutated Salarian was twisting the Infantry Platforms into what Organics called a 'Pretzel knot'. The other Organics were doing damage as well but not nearly the same amount as the Salarian. Consensus was made. It primed its pulse cannon and prepared to neutralize the threat. Then its main optical component was destroyed. The Colossus switched instantly to it auxiliary optical system.  
>It was an explosion from an armor piercing rocket that destroyed the main optical component. The Colossus programs noticed a laser pointed at the platform's chassis. It tracked the laser up towards its source. On a hill, facing the sun was an organic. LOGIC ERROR! Organics have an even lesser tolerance to the extreme temperature of Haestrom. Even the infantry platforms aren't able to withstand direct sunlight for long. The organic did not show any signs of damage. It pressed a button on a small device on its arm and another pod was launched. The Siege Pulse cannon was damaged, and the repair programs were still in the process of fixing it. Instead it fired it's Mass Accelerator cannon at the rocket. It exploded. Correction, it split into smaller pods. The Pods crashed into the chassis, doing even more damage. LOGIC ERROR! The pods were too small to inflict damage on this scale! The laser was still pointed at its chassis. The geth reached consensus, focus was placed on the illogical organic on the hill.<p>

Then Mordin with herculean effort lifted the Colossus from one of its legs and hurled it over himself into the valley, exposing its unprotected underside to Engy's sentry. Engineer smiled and had his sentry fire its entire payload.

LOGIC ERROR!  
>And the Colossus went up in an enormous ball of fire.<p>

"Well I'll be damned" Kal'Reegar said, "that was…"

"Crazy" one Quarian said.

"Amazing" said another.  
>"Explosive." The wounded one wheezed.<p>

"I'll go with all three."

Grunt folded his arms and muttered. "I didn't even get to do anything…"  
>Shepard holstered his pistol and ran across the valley, careful not to trip over the geth wreckage. Mordin was already at the end panting. "Not sure how that happened" he gasped "too dangerous, too reckless, too entertaining…"<p>

Engineer as always, strutted across the valley, ignorant to the sun's rays to the envy of everyone present.  
>Shepard made it to the other side and pounded on the thick metal doors. "Tali! Tali it's me!"<br>First there was no response. Then the doors slowly opened. A young looking Quarian walked out, shotgun armed in front of her. Upon seeing her savior, she lowered her gun.

"Shepard? Wha-what are you doing here?"

"Came here looking for you." Shepard smiled reassuringly. "Collectors will be stepping up their game; we need to do the same, so I'm getting the team back."  
>Tali looked around her. "Well I'm free to go then", she turned to Kal'Reegar and pulled up her omnitool. "Here's the data the Admirals want, it damn well better be worth it".<p>

Kal'Reegar nodded. "I hope so too. We'll call for evac now-"  
>"SHEPARD!" Engineer's voice boomed into Shepard's comm-bead. He winced and tapped it. "What is it Engy?!" he turned to see the Engineer outside setting up his sentry.<br>"Remember that bio signature? The one I thought wasn't working? It is!"  
>"And?"<br>"We got incomin'!" he shouted.

On cue, the ground erupted as legions of Team Fortress zombies erupted from the cracks. Their unholy screeches filled the air as they set themselves upon everything. Geth patrols found themselves overwhelmed and outposts were scrambled for emergency reinforcements. And the Engineer got behind his sentry, setting up a dispenser while his machine kept the tide at bay. If it wasn't for his turret mowing down the initial wave, they would have been overwhelmed in moments. As it was, the Quarians formed a defensive line demanding evacuation, while Shepard and his team took positions.  
>Mordin gritted his teeth and fought down the urge to just run straight at the hordes and fired his weapon full auto, all the while remotely hacking the old construction equipment around the valley to drop their loads. Tons of metal pipe and bars crushed dozens of the walking corpses, but plenty more took their place. Tali pulled out her drone and blasted away at the closest of the zombies, fear in her exhausted eyes. Grunt's eyes lit up behind his helmet, charging headlong into the closest of the creatures, shotgun downing groups of zombies with each blast.<p>

It seemed they could hold. The horde faltered under the counterattack. Zombie shots were poorly aimed and the unexpected help from a geth drop ship of all things mowing down the rear of the zombies.

Then the sky turned dark. All eyes turned to see what had blocked the sun. In was a massive ball free floating in the air. Then it opened. A stream of flaming eyeballs flew in all directions, peppering the geth drop ship and sending it crashing to the ground. It turned its hateful gaze at Shepard's ragged group.

"Holy crap!" Engineer shouted. "Monoculus!"

…Pragia…

"Subject Zero has escaped! She's loose! We need-"  
>"The subjects are rebelling! There's too much biotics flying around! Security can't keep them contained! We-"<br>"TEAM FORTRESS BREACHED THE OUTER PERIMETER! THEY'RE TEARING UP THE GUARD POSTS! SOMEONE SEND HELP! PLE-"

Jack watched the vid over and over again. It wasn't anything like she remembered it. She got free, and she killed everyone. They were all against her, she had to kill them. The other kids didn't fight the guards, they were fighting her!

And Team Fortress…

"None of this is right! Bullshit! NONE OF THIS IS RIGHT!" she kept playing the same video over and over, like maybe it would eventually fix itself and show what really happened.

"I was alone! Everyone wanted to stop me. There were the guards, and the other subjects, there was no TeeEff, just them. Why don't I remember any of this?!" Jack cried hysterically. Her mined reeled at the thought that her own memory of the past was wrong. If that was wrong, who's to say everything else she knew was wrong. What if those kids were trying to escape like her? What if they weren't trying to kill her? What if she didn't have to kill them? Why didn't she see the other team? Why-

She snapped back when she felt the massive hands of the Heavy on her shoulders. "It is the past little Jack. Nothing else."  
>She turned to face him. "But it's not MY past! I don't remember any of this! This can't be right! Either I-I…I ! I don't know anymore!" She grabbed at her head. Heavy grabbed her arms and forced them back to her sides. He then placed a hand on her head. "You were child. You were alone. You were afraid."<br>"No! I wasn't afraid I-"

"Fear becomes anger. You do not see the world when afraid. You see safety, and you see danger. You do whatever it takes to get to safety. If danger can't be avoided, you fight it. You run little Jack. You run to be free. You see guards, you see children. You see baby clones. You don't see them. You see only danger. You fight danger. You alive now because you fought danger," he lowered himself to her level. Jack gazed into his eyes and saw the sympathy. Somehow she knew he went through the same. "It is in past now little Jack. It cannot change. Do not try to change. Remember. We are here for burying."

Jack lowered her head onto the Heavy's massive stomach and just stayed there. She focused on matching her breath to the large man's heart beat. Slower. Slower. She was beginning to calm down. She brushed Heavy's hands off and turned off the console. "Thanks."

A loud thump disrupted the moment. "That came up ahead. Near my room." Jack's eyes narrowed.

The team readied themselves and prepared for a fight. Not the kind of fight they ran into.  
>They found themselves in a laboratory, with several Krogan and Vorcha on one side, firing at zombies that had burst through the other. Several zombie Demomen were charging in with swords, golf clubs, and light poles. Several of the Krogan broke from cover to plow right into them. Over the din of combat, they carried their battle cries. "I AM BOGOOOOOON!"<p>

"What. The. Hell?" Jack stared at the battle, confused about the entire situation.

"Figure out problem later. Zombies to kill!" Heavy yelled and revved his minigun. The Medic deployed his healing beam and prepared for the worst. Jack snapped out of her confusion and focused her biotics. The undead mercenaries spilled across the lab and the Heavy opened fire.

…

When RED and BLU first started making waves in the galactic economy, both brothers sought new ways to make even more profits in creative, if not stupid ways. Redmond realized first that with the Quarians being homeless, they, or anyone with an interest in history would pay a ransom for Quarian artifacts. Thus he sent RED mercenaries to establish a camp on various Quarian worlds, mopping up any geth, and begin excavating relics. BLU got wind of this and sent their own mercenaries to fight for the same dig sites. Facing opposing mercenaries and constant geth attacks, both companies eventually decided to abandon the project, pulling up stakes and leaving with what few relics they managed to secure. The bodies of the many mercenaries that died for the sake of profit still lay in Haestrom, buried by the stone and preserved by the planet's unnatural dryness.

Pragia's conditions made it the perfect place to build a farming industry for exotic fruits. RED built several facilities there, using the fast growing nature of the soil to rapidly create a highly profitable crop. These funds would be funneled into RED weapons research labs throughout the entire planet. BLU of course caught wind of this as well and deployed its Team Fortress to detonate these labs. Cerberus, while aware of Team Fortress, felt that such a thing was beneath them unless either of the teams interfered with their projects. Unfortunate for the Cerberus team on Pragia, one detachment of BLU mercenaries got horrendously lost. Mistaking the Cerberus facility for a RED Bomb factory, they stormed the place. What wasn't killed by the security, or Jack, died from the bomb blast that ripped apart the security barracks.

Bekenstein…it's a place for the horrendously wealthy and horrible moral fiber. Both Redmond and Blutarch had vacation manors built there. Even on vacation though, they plotted against each other, and several teams fought and died foiling the brothers' attempts.

…

A horn call blasted through the castle. Everyone's face darkened. Demoman soberly stood up and hefted his sword. "It is time."

As one, the many mercenaries got out of their seats and ran to the barracks. Modern weapons did not work thanks to magic dickery, but their more primitive weapons still could. Snipers stuffed as many arrows their quivers could carry, scouts polished their bats, the Demomen tested the sharpness of their blades, and the pyros wrenched out anything that could be used as a weapon, be it axe, pole, or table leg. Miranda paused for a second and opened her omnitool. Her gun may not work but maybe.

The omni-blade jutted out of her tool. Yes! Miranda smiled. Zaeed and Jacob did the same with their tools, while Soldier fiddled with his omni-tool. What came out wasn't an omni-blade, but an omni-shovel. Soldier groaned and pulled his pickaxe out with his other hand.

Across the battlements a pyro lit a set of braziers. Snipers of RED and BLU lined up shoulder to shoulder, each lighting an arrow.

Away from the castle, a storm emerged engulfing the setting sun, and drenching everyone in a heavy rain. What kind of fire the pyro was using to keep the braziers lit, Miranda didn't know, and frankly did not want to know.

Across the hills came the undead. Just as the other Team Fortress members said. It was the fallen mercenaries of Team Fortress. Too many to count. Behind them towered a figure that glowed and unnatural glow. It threw back its head and laughed. Soldier growled and called out over the rain and thunder.

"MERASMUS YOU MAGIC PISSING HIPPY! THIS TIME I'M GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS SO HARD, IT WILL STAY KICKED!"

Merasmus glowered at them. The gaze from the wizard was enough to chill Miranda's blood, but the Team Fortress mercenaries around her didn't even flinch.

…Pragia…

"Come Jack!" Shouted Heavy. "Now is not time for the brooding. Now is time for the killing!" He laughed as his minigun fired into a throng of enemies.

To the left of Jack, a Krogan yelled his war cry, brandishing a long sword "For the One Eyed Prophet!" he shouted and charged headlong into a zombified demoman "The imposters wilt under his cyclopean gaze!"

Jack summoned her biotics and sent a blast into a zombie Medic that was wrestling her team Medic for the omni-saw in his wrist. It exploded into a pile of bones and rotting meat. Medic barely had time to thank her before he drove his omni saw into the neck of a zombie sniper.

Jack spent, took cover behind Heavy's massive body while firing her pistol at any corpse that moved.

**THOUGH YOU FIGHT TO STAY ALIVE**

…Haestrom…

"This is not possible! None of this is possible!" Mordin shouted. He sent a ball of fire into the face of a zombie scout. Even as it burned, another took its place. Sporadic fire from dozens of other positions gave him some comfort that they weren't alone facing this…impossible threat.

"Well doc, how else you wanna explain this?" Engineer shouted back over the din of his sentry. His turret pinged empty, and he had to place another block of metal into its ammunition compartment.

"Need time to formulate theory," was all Mordin could say.

"You can do that AFTER we're out of danger." Shepard shouted down from his position. He was about to aim but ducked back down after a flaming eyeball splattered against his cover.

**YOUR BODY STARTS TO SPASM-US**

…Bekenestein…

"This happen a lot in your line of work?" Kasumi joked.

The Spy snorted as he removed his knife from a zombified copy of himself. "More than you would believe mon ami." The two turned around each other like a dancing couple and fired at their respective targets.

"Well, I'd like to hear more about this when we get back." Kasumi poked at him as she cloaked.

"I'd be more than delighted." The Spy replied as he cloaked as well

The gunship fired indiscriminately at everything; zombies, and mercenaries.

**FOR NO MERE MORTAL CAN RESIST**

…Castle DeGroot…

**THE POWER OF MERASMUS!**

Miranda aimed her pistol knowing the results. It was loaded, thermal clip was full, and ammunition supply still had enough for a thousand rounds after. She pulled the trigger, and sputtered for a second before it died. She rolled her eyes. Of course. The undead charged towards the castle, climbing its stone walls with skinless fingers.

She turned to Jacob "If we get out of this alive, I'm going to pummel that Soldier!"

Scout laughed. "She caught on to the team motto!"

Zaeed just muttered to himself "How the hell'd I get into this?"

Arrows flew, bodies snapped back to the ground as shots found their marks. Others were set alight from the fire arrows. The zombies were unperturbed and charged forward. The first crashed into the walls, arms reaching through the gate trying to grasp those within. The Engineers snapped off arms and hands with their heavy wrenches, while those with robo-fists cracked the skulls of those crammed around the gate. With any hope, those re-killed undead would form a secondary barricade.

Other zombies climbed over the others, bony fingers finding any hold in the cracks between stones. Arrows as numerous as the rain peppered the climbers, but far too many continued their climb. The first Heavy managed to reach the battlements, arrows jutting out of its rotted flesh. A Scout ran up and cracked its skull off with his bat. Even as that body fell, another took its place. The Snipers fell back as scouts got to smacking and bonking zombie heads like whack-a-mole.

Unfortunately without the snipers, no one was around to kill the demomen zombies, rushing forward with grenades and bombs, and dynamite strapped to every part of their body. They threw themselves at the walls and detonated, sending masonry and bodies flying in all directions. "STOP TEARIN' UP ME HOUSE!" a Demoman with a crown on his head yelled.

The zombies paid no heed as a second explosion followed. Then a third. Then a fourth. The foundations destroyed, the wall of Castle Degroot crumbled, the panicking scouts either jumping off in time to a lower rampart, or tumbled down and buried under the rock. Now the team faced the undead horde without their defense. With a war cry, Demomen charge into the first of the zombies. Heads rolled as expert hands swung the massive blades around. Next the Pyros moved in. They weaved between the Demomen, jamming their weapons into the undead, wrenching them free, and then hitting again. The Pyros put all their might into each stroke, and heads were bisected, bodies chopped in half, and skulls caved in. It was also their weakness that the superior numbered zombies took advantage of. One pyro wearing a business tie as a bandanna struck down a medic zombie with his hammer. The other medics reached out and grabbed the Pyro, pulling him into the horde, where his screams were muffled by the sheer number of bodies.

Another tried to save him but was tackled by a Heavy Zombie, tearing into the unfortunate like the normal Heavy does a sandwich.

Scouts clambered over the Demoman line and charged right into the Engineers. The Engies to their credit tried to fight back, wrenches and fists pulping heads, but there were far too many to hit. Even as the spies tried to help, jamming their knives into zombie spines, the Engies were messily devoured.

"Fall back to the keep!" Miranda shouted. "We can't hold them on open ground! Fall back!"  
>"Oi, this isn't yer castle lass." The crowned Demoman complained. "<p>

"And it won't be yours unless we form another defensive line!" Miranda retorted.  
>The Demoman grudgingly acknowledged her. "TO THE KEEP LADS! WE'LL HOLD EM THERE! BACK!"<p>

**YES! YES! DESPAIR YOU FOOLS! I, MERASMUS SHALL BE YOUR END! POOP IN TERROR PITIFUL WORMS!**

The Heavies using their massive frames, battered at the zombies while the surviving Demomen and Pyros broke away from the melee. Afterwards, the Heavies ran as quickly as they could, opening the way for the Snipers to fire one last volley into the horde before retreating.

Miranda gutted a Demoman, it hissed at her before Jacob cut its head off. Zaeed was one of the last to pull back, delivering a kick to a Scout and jammed his blade into a Spy's open maw. A zombified Soldier tried to tackle him. Instead Zaeed grabbed the zombie and tossed him face first into the stone stairway.

As everyone piled on inside, Miranda took one final look outside. "Solly! Get in here dammit!"  
>The Soldier stood out there, pickaxe in hand. He glared defiantly at the distant Merasmus, seemingly ignoring Miranda's pleas.<p>

"S'too late lass!" Demoman shouted.  
>Before she could even protest, the heavy wooden doors slammed shut. The horde began to move in on him. The Soldier casually tossed aside his bloodied weapon, cracked his knuckles, and pulled a grenade from his belt. "C'mere cupcakes" he growled as he pulled the pin. Just as they were upon him, his grenade detonated.<p>

Miranda heard the thump from inside. She couldn't believe what happened. No. Soldier couldn't be dead. Team Fortress had weathered far worse! There was no way!

**I…I've done it. HA HA HA! I'VE DONE IT! I KILLED SOLDIER! YES! IN YOUR FACE! I'M FREE!**

"Not really Merasmus" Merasmus turned. Defying all logic, reason, and basic laws of time and space, Soldier was behind him, grinning ear to ear pickaxe in hand. Before Merasmus could react, Soldier swung the axe and pierced the not-really-kinda ghost and stuffed a grenade in the wound. He jumped away as it detonated.

The undead, with no direction stopped in their tracks, twitching like puppets without a puppet master.

Being kinda-sorta-dead however meant that Merasmus couldn't be killed like that. In mere moments he reformed, not quite as imposing as he was before.

**Soldier?! How are you still alive?!**

Soldier tapped his foot and shook his head. "Mersamus, don't tell me you really forgot."

…flashback…

Merasmus, still alive, was searching his medicine cabinet while Soldier brushed his teeth next to him. "Soldier, did you eat my _entire bottle_ of 'kill me come back stronger' pills?"  
>The Soldier took his brush out of his mouth. "I thought it was your heart medicine."<br>Merasmus glared daggers at Soldier, his teeth clenched. "You're taking my heart medication?!"

Soldier rolled his eyes. "Look Merasmus, if you're gonna keep asking dumb questions, I'll go use my other bathroom that I made in the kitchen."

…end flashback…

**Oh right, those damn pills. Looks like this was all for nothing. You know, in hindsight, after planning this for so long, I'm surprised I never realized how stupid this plan was. Never put that into consideration. **

"Plan? Your revenge was to send an army of zombies to eat my friends?"

**Oh yes, that was part of the plan…well since the grudge I held isn't quite as all-consuming as it was when you DESTROYED MY LIFE, I'll let them go. I guess I'll let you go too since I technically can't kill you.**

"Damn right you will! And send us back to the future too! I want my futuristic rocket launcher to work again!"

**Oh right. Return to your own time and whatnot. Well you aren't really in the past, just a pocket dimension established outside time and space. I set up the whole castle on a whim. Anyway, you're free to go. Good bye Soldier**

A blinding flash, and Soldier, Miranda, Jacob, and Zaeed were back on the same field on Earth. The first thing Miranda did was check her omnitool. It was working, everything updated. According to it, she had been missing for five seconds. She looked at Zaeed and Jacob. "Let's never speak of this again."  
>"Agreed."<p>

…Bekenstein…

The Spy brushed off some dust from his suit, not paying any mind to the smoldering wreck of the gunship behind him. Its turbine clogged with zombified corpses. The Spy offered a hand to Kasumi, and pulled her up to his platform. "I think it iz time to leave non?"

"Yes…so…do you still have it?" she asked. Spy smiled as he lit a cigarette. He pulled out the still very much intact gray box and handed it to her. Kasumi smiled as she handled it tenderly. She kissed Spy lightly on the cheek and pulled out his cigarette. "These'll kill ya."

…Pragia…

The bodies all at once dropped dead…again. The surviving Krogans threw up their arms and gave a ragged cheer. Jack was stunned. Heavy however wasn't. "Doctor." He said.

He began to glow red as the Ubercharge took over. He turned his still smoking minigun to the surviving Blood Pack. "This place is going to go boom! Do not try to stopping us!"  
>The Bogons bowed respectfully and left. The mercenary Krogan followed after. "Hey no problem, this crap is more trouble than any amount of credits."<p>

Heavy powered down his weapon and placed a hand on Jack's back. "Little Jack. Ready to go now?"  
>Jack looked down, then across the room. "Yeah, this is getting too crazy."<p>

…Haestrom…

The group was backed to the wall. Monoculus destroyed the Engineer's sentry, and the zombies were closing in. Shepard's gun beeped that it was overheated and he performed a last biotic push to throw back the tide if only for a few more seconds. They got back up again and charged.

"SHEPARD" Tali cried out. "I LO-" and suddenly the zombies fell to the ground and didn't stir. Monoculus disappeared, and the baleful sun returned.

Everyone stood still, afraid the bodies would rise again. When a minute passed and nothing happened, everyone relaxed.  
>"This…"Kal'Reegar sighed. "I don't know how to even begin explaining this in my report."<br>Shepard looked down at Tali who just let go of his arm. "So what was that about Tali?"  
>Tali looked away. "I um…I lost my uh…" she fished around in her suit. "my spare heat clip! Heh…here it is…isn't it always there when you don't need it?"<p>

"Enough of this garbage." Engineer huffed. "Time ta head back ta Normandy. I need ta fix mah darling…" he tenderly picked up what few pieces remained of his sentry.

"Oh before you leave," Engy turned to see Kal'Reegar right in his face. "Couldyoutellushowyoumadethatsentryitwassoawesomej ustlikewhatwethoughtitwouldlooklike!"

…Kasumi's Shuttle…

"So what is it exactly, if you do not mind me asking?" Spy gestured to the small gray box in Kasumi's hands. The thief smiled slightly and shook her head.

"I don't mind. A gray box is like a black box placed in ships, only placed in your brain. It's a lockbox full of the person's memories, and can only be opened with a specific password. Because it's a gray box though, it doesn't have to be a password; it can be a collection of sounds, color patterns, or even a specific memory. This one belonged to my old partner, Keiji. I-"her voice began to quiver. The Spy wrapped an arm around her.  
>"I understand…say no more."<p>

Kasumi got out of Spy's hold shaking her head. "This is important. Before Keiji died, he told me he had something important to share"

Kasumi connected the gray box port with a wire to her omnitool, and the gray box spilled it contents across the small chamber…

…Normandy CIC room…

"Explain."

Team Fortress fidgeted under the collective gaze of Shepard, Miranda and EDI.

"What part?" Scout asked.

"Everything!" Miranda shouted. She entered a command, and the projector in the middle of the table flashed images from Pragia, Bekenstein, and Haestrom.  
>"Kasumi recalls you Spy saying 'not again'. What did you mean by that?"<p>

Team Fortress visibly relaxed. "Oh it's just that."

"Remember what tenth class wot said?" Demoman pointed out. "We 'ad ta deal wit the walkin' dead least a full ten times now."  
>Sniper nodded. "Yeah, a right nightmare each time, but we dun pulled through each time."<br>Shepard sighed. "Alright, then how is it that situations like this," he pointed to the flashing screens of zombies "keeps happening around you?"

"Workin' fer a mega-corporation that focuses on durn near every field of anythin', yer bound to be cleanin up its messes." Engineer said.

"Several times RED tried to make some super soldier serum to sell to the larger world powers. Each time all he got was blood crazed freaks." Soldier nodded.  
>"Well to be fair, BLU did its fair share of der work mit die untoten."<p>

"And Merasmus" Spy glowered at Soldier. "You never know when to stop with him do you Solider?" Soldier just huffed.

"Well now we know this is just another 'Team Fortress' thing" Miranda said using her fingers for the quotes, "but are we going to see something like this again?"  
>"Probably not. Least not till next Halloween."<br>"Why's that?"  
>"Merasmus reaches his full power around Halloween."<br>"No he doesn't!"  
>"Well he just likes to do stuff during Halloween to be extra creepy. But not to worry. I showed that bed sheet wearing pansy that he can't do anything to me. You rest easy knowing after that butt-kicking I gave him, he won't be coming back."<br>EDI chimed in "Then if there is nothing left to discuss, then I suggest Shepard continue to build his team."  
>Shepard turned to EDI. "Alright then, where is it?"<br>"Illium."

…Engineering floor…

Tali was getting herself settled in, getting acquainted with the new Normandy. If there was one thing she grudgingly acknowledged about Cerberus, was the new size. The last one was far too small for her, and she missed the low hum of its mass effect core. The crew down here was also surprisingly nice despite being Cerberus. The two of them welcomed her warmly before bickering with each other like a married couple. Tali smiled as she watched them alternate between arguing and discussions about increasing power output.  
>She almost tripped over a large box as she unloaded her few possessions. The box was old, made of pulped wood, known as 'cardboard' according to her omnitool. There was some odd writing on the side, but the bad spelling made it impossible for her translator to make out its meaning. Curiosity took hold of her as she cut open box, and peered at its contents.<br>"What is this?" she asked to no one in particular, holding a set of goggles in her hand.

…Some Dimension That is Everything and Nothing or Some Stupid Transcendent Garbage or Something…

Merasmus meditated once more. His plans for revenge foiled. Wait, his plans for revenge involved soldier, but it wasn't to break Soldier! Why did he want to talk to Soldier again?

**Oh damn, I forgot to warn Soldier about what the Reapers are. Oh well, I'll do it next time.**

…'Loading '…

"It's so beautiful!" Tali sighed.

"Tali, are you alright?" Shepard asked.

"Oh! Oh Shepard" Tali cooed. She reached out and pinched his cheeks. "What happened to you Shepard? You used to be so handsome, now you're all cute! I can't resist!"

"Tawi, yer hurpin ma fess." Shepard tried to say while Tali squished his cheeks.

"I have no idea what you said, but you're so cute I don't even care!" she smiled.

Something else got Tali's attention and she wandered off, arms upright grasping at something imaginary. "Where are we going Mister Ballonicorn? Oh hello Mister Poopy Joe! So many flowers and lollipops, I wish I could feel them. Wait I can!"

Tali skipped about the Engineering floor singing "Do I believe in magic~?" in front of a very confused audience.

Heavy entered the room. "Where my Pyro goggles?"

…Jack's quarters…

Jack stared at the monitor. A blank document stared back at her. So much has happened since her waking up. She met the Heavy, and her views of him was destroyed, but rebuilt into something…more. She thought back to all those times the Heavy and the rest of Shepard's team were there for her. Maybe she finally found a home she could actually call a home.

She rubbed her face. So many emotions, so many things happened. What to do? She shrugged as she rubbed the back of her neck. Then she started typing

_Sparrow in the Snow_


End file.
